[Texinator]

Virginity is what you make of it. Some people think it's a cherished treasure to be shared not before their wedding day and others feel that it's just a silly excuse to place more labels on people. But the opinion that should matter most to you is your own. What does virginity mean to you? Don't let societal expectations pressure you into feeling a certain way.

Are you still a virgin? It's not really black and white. One one hand there was partial penetration but on the other you didn't have sex either. Some people say you should go by whether or not your hymen is still intact, but that's not a good indicator either, cause you can break that masturbating or even riding a bike. Maybe you should ask yourself this..

Did you enjoy the experience? You got aroused to the point of asking for partial penetration, you didn't bleed or hurt, and you felt happy after it happened. So maybe it wasn't romantic or with someone you loved but it does sound like you had fun. And if you enjoyed the experience I don't think you have anything to feel guilty or ashamed about.

Therefore the next time someone asks about your virginity, you should be able to hold your head high and announce that you're not a virgin. But if it either bothers you too much or you don't think partial penetration qualifies, you can just as easily say you're still a virgin. It's your call. Go with what feels the most comfortable.

[rcoreyus]

I wish people would just forget the whole virginity question. I think the idea started back when men wanted to be sure any children in a marriage were theirs - it was assumed that a woman with an intact hymen couldn't be pregnant. But you can get pregnant while still a virgin (even without divine intervention).

In the modern world of birth control, and paternity tests, I think the concept is completely obsolete. You are free to consider yourself a virgin or not. No future man should care - and if he does, I would think of that as a warning sign.

[LanaBear]

I wish people would just forget the whole virginity question. I think the idea started back when men wanted to be sure any children in a marriage were theirs - it was assumed that a woman with an intact hymen couldn't be pregnant. But you can get pregnant while still a virgin (even without divine intervention).

In the modern world of birth control, and paternity tests, I think the concept is completely obsolete. You are free to consider yourself a virgin or not. No future man should care - and if he does, I would think of that as a warning sign.

Couldn't agree more!

[Futureboy]

I suppose I'm a bit conflicted with what I think and what society thinks,

(edit) society YOUR oppinion is the only one that counts

Clearly you're intelligent and you appear to be over thinking something

Don't feel guilty virgin or not you have nothing to feel guilty for

IMHO you're a virgin but I am part of society

Virginity is very unimportant by partner 2

[danceintx]

I agree, who cares what label other people put on what you are, virgin or not a virgin. Sounds to me like it could go either way, there was barely penetration. I say the way you felt about it yourself ought to be your answer. You didn't feel like you lost your virginity and you had no bad feelings about it. I would leave it at that, your opinion is the only one that should matter.

[newhere808]

Well regardless of what "society" says, your virginity does seem important to you. The way I look at it, if you were to decide that you lost at, then if you "lost" it under circumstances you were ok with, you have nothing to beat yourself up about. If you "lost" it any other way, it may be regretfull but it does not make you a bad person.

Personally I feel penetration is penetration, even if your only sipping a drink your still drinking it. But that is a very black and white way to look at. I think the advice a lot of others have given you here is spot on, virginity is so debatable it really isnt worth stressing over. If you enjoyed the intimacy of the act then it couldn't have been cheap and meaningless, and you shouldn't feel that way about it.

[IDK]

Darn it all, I wrote a long reply and it deleted itself.

Firstly I'd like to thank you all for your replies - I greatly appreciate it. I am a bit hung up over this, but compared to before I am much better.

What I'm hung up about still is the fear of judgment of losing my virginity (if I did) before being in any committed relationship. I just can't help but feel "loose" over this, and I guess... who would want to associate with someone like me? I really hate feeling vulnerable about this, and I hate being such a sad case, but I can't seem to find a resolve in this. At least, not yet.

STIs are something I am not concerned with, even remotely. With all things sexual I trust my acquaintance. And he's my first sexual partner and my only one to date... so yup.

I've been thinking about this all night and I think, if I'm asked whether I'm a virgin or not, I'm going to lean towards "yes". Virginity is somewhat - and maybe even mostly - subjective, and I will take that for what it is to me... And to me, I think that virginity is the lack of having actual sex, rather than penile-vaginal penetration. I can't come into terms that I've lost my virginity, because I don't see that I have at all. It was extremely brief, partial penetration and there wasn't an intention to have sex. Even if that may be difficult to believe. It was more of a curiosity to try partial penetration, and there wasn't the intention to try actual sex. I know I should have thought about the scope of the consequences of trying partial penetration, but at the heat of the moment... well, I wasn't thinking straight. And I honestly didn't think partial penetration = loss of virginity at all at the time.

My idea of losing my virginity seems so much more to what I've experienced. It was fun and educational in some aspects, yes, but... it just didn't feel any different to what I and my acquaintance did before. I'm not disappointed with what I did exactly. It was just lacking the emotional experience, you know? For me losing one's virginity seems more than a physical thing. And I don't feel any different. I was happy, but then again I was the same old me. What I was expecting when losing my virginity, was the idea of being more... knowledgeable, if that makes sense? As in experiencing something different. Although in the strictest sense of the word - "pure", "chaste", "untouched" - I know that I lost my virginity long ago when I participated in oral sex.

I wasn't expecting losing my virginity to be something romantic or with someone I "love". I just wanted it to be with someone I had a lot of trust in and someone where I could really relate to. And also have that "ah-ha" moment after losing my virginity. Just that "click" when you learn/experienced something - do I make sense? I must admit I can't explain it, but I do hope you guys get where I'm getting here. I hope my perceptions of this aren't too naive. Then again, at 18 years, I suppose you're bound to have naive ideas. :P

What I'm wondering here is, well, is this a good way to think of it? Or am I being delusional? I do believe that my opinion should matter the most, but at the same time I want to take into account other people's opinions as well. I don't want to believe in a fallacious argument, and if this is one... well, I'd rather much suck it up and accept the situation for what it truly is then live in denial/delusion, lol. Do I make sense?

I must this incident has shaken me a bit... I've been avoiding friends/family like crazy because I'm terrified that they would see a change in me. I know I'm being paranoid and they probably won't spot a change (perhaps my change in behaviour only at least), but I can't help but feel that way I guess. At the same time I've been acting/dressing a bit more modest than usual and I've been put off with anything sexual. I'm also a lot more cautious now and that's a good thing to come out of this.

And newhere808, I understand what you're saying. What about a different analogy - say, where you're downloading and a quarter/fifth of the way you cancel it? Maybe because it was because your internet was stuffing up or because you realised it was the wrong file? Would you consider the file has been downloaded and you could actually open the file? But I suppose you can argue that there was an intention to download. Though in my situation I didn't have that intention. So... argh, I don't know. I just like complicating things don't I, lol.

I must admit my analogy sucks, lol, and I'm chuckling about it. But I do hope I make some sense. I actually I don't think I have a point, but I suppose I'm just wondering what would happen if you use that analogy instead?

Thanks for all your replies - I really appreciate it. I do apologise for the potential contradictions and whatnot, but my mind feels like it's in a hurricane at present. So your replies mean a lot for me in that it's aiding me in clearing my mind a bit. Thank you.

P.S. I do understand that "virgin" is just a word but what comes with it - for me - is what bothers me.

[Na-Na]

First, most people won't care you weren't in a committed relationship. I wasn't when I lost my virginity. Most people I know weren't, actually. I'd never dated anyone, and the guy I was with was nothing more than a friend. We were hanging out, and things happened. I don't really think there's that "Ah-ha, I'm now a different person because I've had sex" moment you seem to be expecting. However, if you don't feel you've had sex, continue to say you're a virgin. The actual definition of virgin is "a person who has never had sex", so why not?

I'm not much older than you, and I can say most people in your age range are going to think the same things about you for doing oral, or "heavy petting" as they will about not being a virgin. At 18 most people don't care if you were sleeping with someone, or just giving them a bj. It's all sexual, and they're going to cast judgment as they see fit. If your friends or family don't want to "be around a person like you" because you were experimenting a little, then foo on them. Friends are there to be understanding. Go squeal with them over what fun you did have, and see how much they care. Because seriously, if your friends dump you over something like this it's not a very strong relationship.

[Texinator]

Lots of people even lose their virginity before 18 just fooling around and not being in a relationship. As long as you think about protection then just enjoy it for what it is. He had a condom on so no worries there.

If what happened doesn't fit your definition of losing your virginity then you're still a virgin. It's that simple. But even if it did and you'd want to admit to having lost your virginity, you shouldn't have to worry about as coming across as 'loose'. Your friends and family should support you and not judge you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I wasn't expecting losing my virginity to be something romantic or with someone I "love". I just wanted it to be with someone I had a lot of trust in and someone where I could really relate to. And also have that "ah-ha" moment after losing my virginity. Just that "click" when you learn/experienced something - do I make sense? I must admit I can't explain it, but I do hope you guys get where I'm getting here. I hope my perceptions of this aren't too naive. Then again, at 18 years, I suppose you're bound to have naive ideas. :P

Then you've semi accomplished this The man that you have allowed to guide you, you do so, because you trust him and he hasn't let you down either.

In my "opinion" full penetration with a man, constitutes, it's all gone. What ever you do in the middle of that, is exactly that, the middle, the beginning with full penetration being the end.

CW