[kira]

I don't think as many people find virginity to be as big of deal as you expect. I think a good portion of society these days has sex before being in a committed relationship or at minimum has sex before marriage. Not too many people will judge such things anymore. In my small school of 100 people to a grade so you knew everyone's business I'm not sure I can name someone who didn't have sex before going off to college. Sure several were with boyfriends at the time but about 2 weren't with other boyfriends by the time they came back from college and 1 married the first person they ever did anything with. My older stepsisters (about 30 years old) have all had multiple husbands and one is on her 3rd child by a 3rd husband. My sister was living with her fiance but just recently decided she didn't really want to marry him after she finishes this semester of college like she was planning (not that she didn't lose her virginity way before that). I'm not saying it's all correct, especially having children and then divorcing their father a couple years later to give them another one and divorce again, but a good portion of society is run that way now. If you are getting judged severely by people and you don't actually agree with them you need to find some new people to hang out with or ignore them. It's your decision and these days pretty much any decision that doesn't cause anyone harm is acceptable to a lot of people.

I'm gonna have to burst your bubble here. Losing your virginity isn't always some magical thing. For me it was nothing important. I'd already stuck plenty of things in there masturbating so things were stretched out enough plus I did a variety of other activities including completely non sexual ones that could have broken my hymen. There was no discomfort but my vibrator could do a better job of giving pleasure. I was his first and he was kinda clueless. I thought I loved him, it was fun, it was a good opportunity to get started learning, and I did stay with him 2years after that but it really didn't evoke too much emotion having sex the first time versus anything else we'd done. Then he turned out to be a complete psychopath and despite my attempts never did improve at sex to the point sometimes I'd get hurt since he was fairly large. 2years prior I thought I was in love. The stupidity of being 18. At 20 I smashed him into a wall and left because he hit me to keep me from leaving. That was far from love. Others feel a lot of pain and bleed. Sex is nothing good to them for the first few times. Not really something memorable there either.

In the end the memorable sex doesn't really seem to matter when it happened and how many times came before that. The memorable sex is the quality of the other person and your enjoyment. If you are happy exploring and learning from this person then maybe this is your right situation to get started. Losing your virginity ends nothing. It is only the start of learning and deciding what you want. Personally I have an issue with marriage before sex because sex is an important part of getting to know someone. I don't think it's something you should save until after you've supposedly made a life long commitment. That made sense when there was no birth control. Now you can have sex with however many people you want and still saving having children for the person you finally decide to promise forever to. Odds are until that person there will be several others you date. My sister and I made a rule after both picking complete losers the first time that we were never date anyone that had never been dumped by a girl and preferably actually someone that wasn't a virgin. For most it takes a failed relationship to help them mature and find what they want and not having to start from scratch when it comes to sex is useful.

[heyhey]

This is a complicated situation. There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother that deals with this. They decided that having someone "in the neighborhood" does not equal losing your virginity.

Other people think you've lost your virginity if you've had any sort of sex, including oral.

It's all just your definition. Being a virgin or not being a virgin isn't a huge part of a person's identity; it just signifies one particular experience that a person either has or has not had.

If you don't believe you've lost your virginity, then I'd say you haven't lost it. Sex is an active thing, and in my opinion, it entails more than just sticking a penis in there for a second and then taking it out.

Either way, when you have sex for real, it'll be a completely new experience, and it'll certainly be your "first time" for that. I'm not a virgin, but my ex-boyfriend actually avoided bringing me to orgasm because he didn't want me to be loud & get embarrassed (yeah, he was a real keeper...), and every time we did anything, it was completely mechanical. I consider myself to have never "made love" before; I have simply carried out the mechanics of intercourse, and not even to completion!

So yeah, define your sexual experience however you want to. But ultimately it just represents what you have or haven't done. I wouldn't pay too much attention to labels.

[newhere808]

And newhere808, I understand what you're saying. What about a different analogy - say, where you're downloading and a quarter/fifth of the way you cancel it? Maybe because it was because your internet was stuffing up or because you realised it was the wrong file? Would you consider the file has been downloaded and you could actually open the file? But I suppose you can argue that there was an intention to download. Though in my situation I didn't have that intention. So... argh, I don't know. I just like complicating things don't I, lol.

I must admit my analogy sucks, lol, and I'm chuckling about it. But I do hope I make some sense. I actually I don't think I have a point, but I suppose I'm just wondering what would happen if you use that analogy instead?

P.S. I do understand that "virgin" is just a word but what comes with it - for me - is what bothers me.

Lol, I admit I also gotta kick out of that, but I do understand what your saying with the analogy. If you put it in those terms, then yes I suppose the "deed" wasn't done, but without going all PC nerd on you, the data is still there, the presence still there.

Honestly, these days many people are used to the idea of casual sex, and people lose their shock value over someone not being a virign with the passing of every year. I think the ideal of everyone saving themselves for their mate is a great notion, and sounds good on paper, but I found out a few years ago that it doesn't always work out that way.

Most people associate "dirty" with someone if they've been around a lot in a short period of time (to each their own, i'm just sayin) and from what you've said about your situation it doesn't sound like that was the case at all. You were curious and wanted to learn and know the feeling in a safe environment with someone you trusted, which quite frankly is the best atmosphere to do something like that.

At the end of it your gonna have to convince yourself either way, but I don't think any but those that judge from a high horse (and who needs their opinions anyway?), would give you harsh marks for what happened.