[StillLearnin]

An update: my wife's surgery went great, and she just got the "All systems go" from her doctor. The growth that was removed from her uterus was the size of a golf ball. It's benign, and she's healing fine. So it's a huge relief that we got this behind us.

If you've been keeping up with my other posts you know that she's had a great attitude change this year. And she's willing to try different things like oral now, and is showing enthusiasm about it and actually seems to like it. Who knew???

I've set expectations for her during her recovery time. That we're starting a whole new life together. A life of love, passion, and romance. And hot sex. She seems to be totally on board now with my needs, and she wants to do this for me and for us. That's a huge relief for me. Very huge. I've struggled with the sexual incompatibility problem forever with her. Now I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I offer words of wisdom on these threads about sex and relationships it is coming from years of bad experience of not having my needs met. I want to be able to help people learn from my experiences, and to address problems as they happen, and to either resolve it then, or make the tough decision to move on. Life is too short to live in a miserable relationship. Sex is such a powerful human need that it MUST be addressed early and often in order to have a meaningful and quality relationship. Communication is the key, and willingness by each partner to adjust to the needs of their SO. Otherwise it's a one way relationship that will cause resentment to build up over time.

I was ready to leave the marriage if things didn't change. It was a sad reality for me, but I couldn't live that way any longer. Luckily it worked out for us and our family. Thank God.

[pretzel]

An update: my wife's surgery went great, and she just got the "All systems go" from her doctor. The growth that was removed from her uterus was the size of a golf ball. It's benign, and she's healing fine. So it's a huge relief that we got this behind us.

If you've been keeping up with my other posts you know that she's had a great attitude change this year. And she's willing to try different things like oral now, and is showing enthusiasm about it and actually seems to like it. Who knew???

I've set expectations for her during her recovery time. That we're starting a whole new life together. A life of love, passion, and romance. And hot sex. She seems to be totally on board now with my needs, and she wants to do this for me and for us. That's a huge relief for me. Very huge. I've struggled with the sexual incompatibility problem forever with her. Now I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I offer words of wisdom on these threads about sex and relationships it is coming from years of bad experience of not having my needs met. I want to be able to help people learn from my experiences, and to address problems as they happen, and to either resolve it then, or make the tough decision to move on. Life is too short to live in a miserable relationship. Sex is such a powerful human need that it MUST be addressed early and often in order to have a meaningful and quality relationship. Communication is the key, and willingness by each partner to adjust to the needs of their SO. Otherwise it's a one way relationship that will cause resentment to build up over time.

I was ready to leave the marriage if things didn't change. It was a sad reality for me, but I couldn't live that way any longer. Luckily it worked out for us and our family. Thank God.

That's great news, especially with your wife's health.

[WildChild]

I'm so glad to hear that it is benign, saw a spouse through cancer treament and it can be brutal. Just remember that it is all about Both of you meeting each other's needs. I wish much love, lots of laughter and great joy and you move onto a fresh chapter in your lives together.

[Ashlee T.]

Great news. I think it's often hard for men to realize and truly be empathetic to the medical issues women sometimes have. Cause most of the time, you can't "see" our issues. You can't see the cyst whether it's pea sized or grapefruit sized. If she's been going around with a golf ball sized cyst, and she has been making ANY effort at a sexual relationship, you should truly consider yourself a very lucky man married to a woman who truly does want to please you. I had a cyst once small enough it didn't even pick up on an ultrasound, but it was there....and it ruptured (apparently), and was VERY painful, caused all kinds of hormonal changes for me. I can only imagine what she's been going through, and may have been going through for years and didn't even know! This may sound very blunt, but us women, we always have a "hole"....so we're always seen as medically available for sex to men cause well, it's there and you don't see the rest of what could be inside us that makes us not want to have sex. The cysts, the rupturing, the inflammation, etc. But with guys, if you had a medical issue that caused you to be unable to get an erection, you couldn't have sex at all and us ladies couldn't fault you for it cause well, it's a medical issue. Cause if we faulted you for it, we'd be considered shallow. "He can't help it."

Ahh, see I've gone off on a tangent. haha. But nonetheless, it's great that she has gotten this one taken care of and hopefully it won't reoccur. And it's so awesome that you all have reestablished your relationship. Hopefully it will be carried through by BOTH of you.

Glad to see you stuck around, you two sound like a great couple.

[StillLearnin]

Obviously, her health was my utmost concern. I love her dearly, and even with the problems we've experienced I would never want anything to happen to her.

This actually gave us the opportunity to have a "new beginning." And because I have been increasing the frequency and the variety over the last year, I think I helped find the fibroid sooner rather than later. Have to say the guy thing here: and my thick 7.5 helped too!

Our youngest child is 8, so the fibroid growth has happened since then. The past year is the only time it has ever been a discomfort for her. The past 25 years has been simply her lack of desire and a lack of care fulfilling my needs. I'll do anything to help her desire. If getting off the pill will help, I'll get a vasectomy. I've always done anything that I possibly can for her to help her get "in the mood." But I did reach the point of "enough is enough" and made my stand. But now that she's willing to work with me, I'm willing to get that vasectomy. It works both ways.

[Alaric]

Congratulations and best wishes for your wife's speedy recovery. I'll bet you're looking forward to helping her discover her needs and preferences , too! What a great adventure you two are beginning. All the best to you both.

[Explorer44]

I'm very happy for you StillLearnin..I know you've waited a long time for this..perhaps it will encourage others here as well

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sometimes, something really scary makes a person look and see what their life is about and she has seen that your love is real and is willing to make it as it should be as you will for her.

What is blessed and beautiful is with all the heartache that comes online, via a Forum is happiness.

This is the second thread I have read where things worked out and it makes this Forum well worth while.

Even though you've got things back, don't leave us!!!!! lol's...

Your strength is what this Forum needs and is all about, those whom can change things and make them better.

Keep her safe and well as I know you will and best wishes from all here.

CW

[StillLearnin]

I'm not going anywhere. I really enjoy reading the threads on this forum. I learn a lot, and can offer advice and help where I can.

Another update: pre-operation my wife said in some positions, like doggie, she could feel me hitting a "wall." It was the golf ball sized fibroid. Post-operation, now, we did doggie last night, and she didn't feel that "hitting the wall" sensation and said it felt much, much better. She's actually getting to where she really enjoys doggie, and becoming quite good at BJs (not to completion, but just enough for some good foreplay). I'm working on giving oral to her now.

I've dwelled on the negatives of our relationship for so long. My attitude change since the fibroid thing came up is now keeping the negative past out of my mind and just focusing on the positives we have going now, which are numerous. It's really like night and day. There are times when I still have frustrations come out. When that happens I just ask her to hold me and tell me that she loves me. I don't want to put her through any more , like I have the past couple of years. I told her a couple of weeks ago that I was so sorry for putting her through this. But it was my fighting chance to save our marriage, and the issues had to be addressed. Addressing our problems was . My mistake was putting it off for so long.

[WildChild]

I'm so happy this is turning around! I was a little concerned at first at how focused you seemed to be on what you wanted. It's wonderful that you have found balance in this because it's about the two of you together rather than either one of you. Sometimes the attention swings more toward one or the other but over all should be pretty even. Good on you! And please do stick around to give others encouragement and the benefit of your success.