[Millania]

thanks by the way for your replies everyone
what are your views on porn leads to cheating
u always hear people on their "soap box" talkin about
if ur watching porn, u will be tempted to cheat
what do u think? do u think thats true? or do you think porn is just a healthy type of way to kind of "see whats out there" without actually going out and cheating etc??

[StillLearnin]

If he masturbates regularly it will take him longer most the time.
For a man a lot of masturbation is like a vibrator for a woman. It deadens the nerves so it takes a lot longer. It desensitizes both heads, the big one and the little one (for a man).

[Millania]

Stilllearning
could be true, but we also drink on the weekends and have a pretty big buzz on by the time we do it-so he has told me for men it takes longer to have an "O" when drunk? is this true?
ah yes I dont really like vibrators because of this reason, I thnk I have used a vibrator like 3 times in my life, I am afraid of desensitizing myself

[newhere808]

Well when I was still with my ex the only thing porn would do for me was give me a scenario to think about with her in it. Basically replacing the pornstars with her and myself in the same scenario. Porn has traditionally never done very much for me unless I visualize it with someone i'm attracted to.

This sounds very similar to men who are insecure about their lady thinking of other guys when they are having sex. I know from conversations with some lady friends of mine that this happens with some women very often. I guess "right" or "wrong" only comes in to play when your partner is concerned about it. Personally i'd be insulted if I found out that was the case, when I was with my ex I never needed to think I was with another woman to enjoy it, she did it for me all on her own, and i'm hoping it was the same.

Have you directly asked him about your concern? Not general questions as to what he thinks about your sex life, but just point blank, "are you thinking about your porn when we have sex?" It may be a question worth asking if this is something that is really bothering you, just be prepared for an honest answer.

[Millania]

newhere, thx for ur reply, I know exactly what u mean, when I see porn(when I would try and watch to get into it to see why the H loved it so much) I would fantasize about my H and I in that same exact scenario, it was HOT , I still fantasize about these things, but only with my H in the fantasy
Yes I have point blank asked him, are u thinking of your porn when u are with me?
he laughed and said: YOU ARE RIDICULOUS? REALLY? I am not even answering such a dum question
are his exact words he beats around the bush with me
he would never come out and say: Oh yes I was thinking of her instead of you, men would never divulge that information
come on now, you know us men and women are NOT very open about certain fantasies!
One time I was upset at my H looking at porn and..
I TRIED fantasizing about another man with me once while mstrbating and ended up feeling gross and guilty when I was done, I cant even think about being with someone else

maybe it stems back from his childhood, he said his friends and him would skp school to view porn..do you think THIS is a reason why its such a "habit" for him
its like..
he is watching cartoons or looking at an ikea catalog to him

[Futureboy]

If u watch porn on a certain day and you are making love to your wife/girlfriend that night

I cant remember ever watching porn on the same day I have sex.

Are you fantasizing about the porn u were watching earlier that day? Or concentrating fully on your wife?

I never really fantasize I am in the moment although I do need to concentrate to speed up or slow down

Thanks for any thoughts
Millania
(an insecure wife with a porn loving husband)

I enjoy porn. It has given me a few ideas (nothing weird). Personally I don't see/have a link between porn and love making although I can see a potential link for others.

thanks by the way for your replies everyone
what are your views on porn leads to cheating
u always hear people on their "soap box" talkin about
if ur watching porn, u will be tempted to cheat
what do u think? do u think thats true? or do you think porn is just a healthy type of way to kind of "see whats out there" without actually going out and cheating etc??

I don't see any link between porn and cheating. You're too busy pulling one off to cheat

Men are very visual, porn helps stimulation for masturbastion. This is a purely physical act and not an emotional one. It's easy and lazy. When I masturbate I never think of my current SO/girlfriend as I think it is disrespectful and I know this is not that uncommon

Making love to your SO requires a significant amount of (good) effort (emotional and physical). After all I don't believe a man wants to let his partner down sexually.

If a man wants to be unfaithful he will spend more time trying to meet women that pulling his plod

Essentially masturbating is just a lazy releaf

[newhere808]

newhere, thx for ur reply, I know exactly what u mean, when I see porn(when I would try and watch to get into it to see why the H loved it so much) I would fantasize about my H and I in that same exact scenario, it was HOT , I still fantasize about these things, but only with my H in the fantasy
Yes I have point blank asked him, are u thinking of your porn when u are with me?
he laughed and said: YOU ARE RIDICULOUS? REALLY? I am not even answering such a dum question
are his exact words he beats around the bush with me
he would never come out and say: Oh yes I was thinking of her instead of you, men would never divulge that information
come on now, you know us men and women are NOT very open about certain fantasies!
One time I was upset at my H looking at porn and..
I TRIED fantasizing about another man with me once while mstrbating and ended up feeling gross and guilty when I was done, I cant even think about being with someone else

maybe it stems back from his childhood, he said his friends and him would skp school to view porn..do you think THIS is a reason why its such a "habit" for him
its like..
he is watching cartoons or looking at an ikea catalog to him

Have you ever considered that you may just be jumping at shadows? Unless he is habitually dishonest and often dodges answering questions in a straightforward manner, I think assuming that he is hiding his true intent from you is a mistake. Now if he started watching porn instead of being with you, or starts comparing you to what he is watching in porn, then yes there is a problem, but from what you've said that doesn't seem to be the case.

Like I said in your other thread, some guys are just porno guys, and it's like stopping a smoker from smoking or a coffee drinker from drinking coffee. The question is, do you trust him (i'm hoping so) and if you do, then you need to try to put your mind at ease on the matter or this is going to lead to bigger problems down the road for the two of you. Mind you i'm not trying to simply say "get over it", but if you have asked the questions and his answers and actions aren't legitimately feeding your suspicions, then you may need to try and convince yourself to move on.

[StillLearnin]

Mallania, alcohol DEFINITELY does extend the climax time. Most men just can't have sex if they are drunk. They can while tipsy or a good buzz, but not completely drunk. Plumbing stops working, as does the brain.

And I do agree with newhere that most men won't fantasize about their SO while masturbating because it does seem very disrespectful towards her. When I said fantasy about my wife I was really meaning that my thoughts are going towards what she and I are going to do together rather than masturbating thinking about having sex with her.

If his porn watching is affecting your relationship then I would think that he might have an addiction that should be addressed. It's only considered an addiction if it affects his life, work and relationships. Does he spend all day watching it, does he feel like he has to go watch it to get the thrill that goes with it, does he plan his day around it, does he hide it from you? If he's hiding it from you it could simply be because he knows you don't approve. Doesn't necessarily mean an addiction.

[rcoreyus]

When I'm making love to my wife (very rarely these days), I'm never thinking about anyone else. To me porn is just a masturbation aid, a poor substitute when I can't be with a real person.

[Mitchel1870]

Going to have to agree with the other guys posting here.

Given the choice between DW and porn, I'll take the real thing anytime. If the answer is the opposite then I think you should worry.

Men are very visual. My DW has these lacy shirts that drive me crazy when she wears them. Seeing the DW with lacy low cut top across the dinner table can set me over the edge (after 15+ years). The only problem is the DW isn't on the same schedule as me. Being 'neglected' for long streches of time requires something in between. This is the secretive area for males, we don't like to admit to certain 'behaviors'. Though we find the similar 'behavior' fascinating in the opposite sex.

To a male the DW/DG and porn are two different things. These are not ladies one would typically marry and spend the rest of life with. To most men I am thinking it is the sexual variety (not talking about strange things here) or the illusion that is presented that is the hook. My DW seems to think that positions other than missonary are dirty and that is about the extent of what is acceptable. A long time ago this was not the case, and a long time ago I don't remeber needing anything else.

Try eating one meal (the same meal) every two weeks then having someone show you the food channel in HD.

I wonder if in relationships were the SO is more sexual open if the need for the fantasy is less? Or if in relationships where the male and female are more closely matched in desire is the need not there the for the subsitiute.