[DomoChan]

Honestly i DO think it's about the porn as well. It gives a false sense of fantasy, and creates a hole which can't be filled by normal means. I'm considered 2nd a lot of times to my boyfriend because of his addiction. Even after we have had sex he can masturbate the next day or even the SAME day if need be. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. And in all honestly this addiction and habit will progresivly get worse when nurtured. I had one boyfriend who was so used to porn and masturbation that he couldn't even ejaculate with a female anymore. All he do could absorb himself into was porn and this "wonderful" fantasy of it. And that was his only means of release.

So honestly because at the moment I am second to it, and i have witnessed clean, good down to earth guys become suseptable to overuse of porn. I don't think it's just the people if many different kind of people are falling to it. I think it's not taking the horse by the rains.

I don't masturbate and i don't use sex toys. I make my self VERY available to my bf so he doesn't have to turn to those means. Yet even he admitted when he finds himself bored or looking at his computer, his hand just begins going down there. And he doesn't mean to hurt me. but just because someone doesn't mean to hurt you doesn't mean you should ignore it.

I think porn is good with two people opening up. But over use by ANY male is a horrid addiction that should be put in check. All it does is make a sexual hole that no one else can fill.

[stressed]

lol. Have you been reading your posts?

Mockery/disdain/pity/anger/bitterness are all among the mix of emotions you all are applying to porn and men who watch it. (but curiously enough not to women who watch)

I have posted my complete views regarding porn in MANY other threads here. I don't spend time to explain myself for the 100th time to the same people just because there's yet another porn thread. If you are really interested about my complete views regarding porn then you must take into account all my other porn posts, in order to have a complete view of my beliefs, if that really interests you. I've also talked about women and porn, among other things so... lol indeed.

Bluntly - this issue has more to do with your respective significant others' than it does with porn.

It's like a person hurting someone with a gun. Who is the perpetrator....the gun or the person? I'd say the person.

It's like a crusade against something simply because YOUR significant other's can't handle it or dont' want to handle it.

Just like alcohol, gambling, drugs or whatever other vices there are out there. Some people can handle them and some people can't.

It isn't our job to rally against something and brand it unacceptable just because we don't like it or because someone we know abuses it. That only works to take away the freedoms of those that CAN handle their indulgences.

OTYA, I haven't only been with my SO, I've had other experiences as well. I've been in relationships where porn never came up or wasn't an issue at all. Where it didn't hurt anyone. I've used porn as single and enjoyed it. I can give you more examples. To say that I base my views only on my current SO is an inaccurate statement.

So why the tirades against porn and the overall disapproval of men who watch it?

I thought we answered that question many posts ago? I don't have the energy to repeat myself, it's honestly something I hate doing. And it's not 'overall disapproval'...
If I wanted to talk like you, I could say that you are so "for" porn just because you've been using it a lot. But I won't do that...

And I also feel for those poor women who cannot realize why the introduction of sex toys into a tilted discussion of porn and men would be relevant.

I am starting to believe that you are very hurt by your SO's use of toys. Seriously. You bring it up in every post.

It's a poor human experience to tirelessly hate/discourage/mock things simply cause we don't like them.

But I do like porn, or at least I used to when I had no other option. Now I just don't need it anymore. I'd still enjoy it with my SO. As for masturbation, I don't use toys, don't watch porn and only do it when my SO has been off the mood for several days. I'm not saying everyone must be like me or that men who use porn when their SO turns them down are "bad". I think you've misunderstood me.

It also makes for a poor human experience when we advocate porn for one sex, but not for the other. Simply because one sex seems to take more offense to it.

I don't remember a post where a woman said "porn is ok for women but not men". Of course it's equally bad of women to prefer porn over their SO, I don't doubt that one bit.

It also makes for a poor human experience to discourage masturbation aids for our significant others, when we see nothing wrong in using masturbation aids ourselves.

You've said in another thread that you've stopped with porn and that your sex life has improved. If you honestly think that porn has no side-effects and there's nothing wrong with it then: 1) why did you stop with it and 2) Don't you think that no porn is even a slight reason as to why your sex life has improved?

[stressed]

The women that have come in supporting their man's use of porn also seem to throw in how they get plenty of sex from their SO and are satisfied. Or that they don't like sex and prefer their SO use porn then try to have sex with them.

Or that they let him watch because it's better than, the otherwise unavoidable, cheating, so they prefer the "bad" from the "worst".

[stressed]

I also know a real life example of a married man of several years, who believes that "men are animals, they need porn and variety, it has nothing to do with their SO" who has also cheated on his wife several times. Not that one example matters, but it's just a case that shows that even if some think that "I'll let him watch porn to avoid cheating" cheating can happen anyway as porn may not be enough after some point. There are hundreds of different cases when it comes to porn and we can't have one answer for all.

[Guest]

Yuck.

Stressed - I don't watch porn. Lady doesn't use toys.

This thread is starting to become a not so good environment for discussion.

Good luck to you ladies, I wish you the best regarding this situation.

[newhere808]

Honestly i DO think it's about the porn as well. It gives a false sense of fantasy, and creates a hole which can't be filled by normal means. I'm considered 2nd a lot of times to my boyfriend because of his addiction. Even after we have had sex he can masturbate the next day or even the SAME day if need be. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. And in all honestly this addiction and habit will progresivly get worse when nurtured. I had one boyfriend who was so used to porn and masturbation that he couldn't even ejaculate with a female anymore. All he do could absorb himself into was porn and this "wonderful" fantasy of it. And that was his only means of release.

It can create a false sense of fantasy, but so do magazine covers and several tv shows, the same goes for women. There is a ton of media out there that advertises just how "better" we all should be and expect others to be, it doesn't have to be sexual to have such an affect. In regards to your boyfriend still masturbating to porn either same day or day after having sex with you, are you available for another round and is he preferring porn, or are you satisfied and finished and he still ready to go? Porn and toys can be a decent avenue for preventing couples with uneven sex drives from resenting eachother, but if either part of the couple (women watch it too) is choosing porn/toys over the ready and willing SO, then yes, it's a problem.

If someone is as bad as your last example, then that is a an addiction, no argueing that, and it is pretty sad. Something that needs to be rememberd by all concerned though, is that this is not the norm, and some need to stop treating it as such.

So honestly because at the moment I am second to it, and i have witnessed clean, good down to earth guys become suseptable to overuse of porn. I don't think it's just the people if many different kind of people are falling to it. I think it's not taking the horse by the rains.

"Taking the horse by the reins" in this issue has more to do with personal self control than the availability of porn. Everyone is able to be over exposed to porn as long as you have eyes, the choice to dabble in it, and worse, revel in it and do little else, is a personal decision. Porn doesn't make good guys bad, it's a vice that make certain weaknesses in men more apparent, there is a difference.

I don't masturbate and i don't use sex toys. I make my self VERY available to my bf so he doesn't have to turn to those means. Yet even he admitted when he finds himself bored or looking at his computer, his hand just begins going down there. And he doesn't mean to hurt me. but just because someone doesn't mean to hurt you doesn't mean you should ignore it.

I could understand why that would be frustrating, but in said situations, are you available or willing to be his stimulation? Your example here is a good one of what porn is to most men, a bored reaction to an urge. Perhaps making it known to him that if he's antsy at his computer he should come see you instead, and you'll take care of it for him?

I think porn is good with two people opening up. But over use by ANY male is a horrid addiction that should be put in check. All it does is make a sexual hole that no one else can fill.

This to me is a mistake, why is it ok when you watch it with a partner, but not alone? Do you think his thought process is any different, whether he's thinking about whats on screen or who's on screen, in either scenario? It should allowed or discouraged, not "it's only ok when i'm around".

Overuse by any PERSON is a bad thing, yes, and it should be put in check. As mentioned before, use of porn is typically indicitive of a deeper problem in the relationship, and it should be addressed, but both sides need to hear eachother out.

[east98606]

I am 47 and I still do it at least a few times a week. Its fun!

[justathought]

Why can't they focus on their wife?...or the woman in their life?