[LilahX]

I wonder if I would feel different if I had waited for marriage? I don't know.

Whatever you do, don't put 'wait until you're married' to see if this problem goes away. If it doesn't, then you're in more trouble than you are now. Get some councelling to try and get to the bottom of these feelings. If you find it is a mindblock re being married, that's cool but don't 'wait and see'. YOu only resent sex now but it's an insidious emotion and it will eat into other aspects of yr relationship.

Don't put this off. You sound like you have a very patient guy, but there will come a point where, even if you are having sex with him, he will feel your resentment and that will create even more problems.

[asiangrace]

I remember when I first met my husband, 69 days in a row, and more than once a day and I felt the same...

I felt that it was "sex" and I didn't like it..

A woman wants to feel "sexy". Intimate. When it's "expected" on -going and you know it's coming over and over, you can feel that it's just sex and you can feel used for sex, instead of seeing it as he finds you incredibly attractive, sexually and desires you.

It can be purely the way that he does it, as "sex" that is making you feel that way, instead of making love to you on most occasions with the horny sometimes...

You may need to be honest and explain that to him, if most times it feels like just "sex".. That's basically what I did...

CW

I think you made a very very good point that I never thought about! It does feel like it's just "sex" like habitual, with nothing super special about it (I think one problem is boredom. Since we live with his handicapped dad to take care of him and the house, our sexual activities are limited strictly to the bedroom0

He does make me feel beautiful and sexy and I enjoy pleasing him and he tries so hard to please me.

But it's not feeling like it's anything special or romantic. I think if we added some romantic music or candles or even just something little like that would help me.

I do appreciate that he'll cuddle after sex and not just turn over and go to sleep or go watch Football or anything like that.

But I think I need more.

[asiangrace]

I feel like I shouldn't resent it though and that I should know why I'm feeling like this. All the responses have helped SO much and I think they all have played a part in my feelings. But I feel like there is still a deeper issue.

Yes, I was raised with the belief of abstinence. I have thought of telling him no sex until after we're married, but that is not fair to him and I think it would just add more frustration to me. And really, I don't think that is the issue.

I don't resent him at all. I love him to death. I just don't want sex to be my frustration anymore.

[Texasred]

Would you consider telling your bf everything you've written here?
And I mean EVERYthing?
He must sense that something's not right in your relationship, and he's sure to be thinking that it's something he's doing wrong, so if you discussed this with him you'd be doing both of you a favor.
Or maybe you'd feel better about writing it all down, so you got your thoughts entirely right and so you could say everything without fear of interruption; then sit him down and make him promise to read it all the way through before he made any comments.
He'd have to be impressed by how much you love him, and he'd surely want to do what he could to help you - perhaps by initially at least not wanting to make love with you so often, at least until you could get over dreading it?
I know how I'd feel if I knew my lover dreaded the thought of having sex with me...

Or this could be a completely ridiculous suggestion: but I wish you the best in any case.
- TR

[Explorer44]

Perhaps it would be good to bring the romance back into the relationship...sounds like you feel as though he's just 'having sex' as opposed to 'making love'

As TR suggested, talking would be a great step towards him understanding your feelings. A physical time out might help you as well.

Good luck, I know you're frustrated!

[danceintx]

I went through this myself very recently. When my bf and I first got together, we had extremely good physical chemistry, put with that I came off the bc pill for the first time in 13 years, I got a divorce from a man who was not good in bed, I was like a dog in heat. So that is easy for a man to start getting used to, and I think because foreplay wasn't necessary, it wasn't really happening and my bf started assuming we were going to have sex all the time. He would even talk about the positions we could use and what we could do in bed for the next night, like sex was a given. That really started bothering me and started making me resent it a little too. I had a talk with him about it and even used the same words CW did, it felt like it was just sex, and that because he just assumed we would have sex, romance and foreplay were non-existent. He completely agreed and it has been much better. He has been more concious about it, and has been cuddling on the couch with me without expecting sex, carrying me to bed, doing sweet things that don't entail anything sexual. This may be the point your relationship has started getting to, and if you bring it up to him like I did to my bf, I didn't accuse him or make it his fault, I said it was noone's fault or mabye mine for creating that problem, hopefully he will be receptive and make the necessary changes.

[WildChild]

What a good point danceintx, even when you do want it all the time, sex that is treated like fast food because less pleasurable, It loses the zing, the tingle of excitement, the connection, the tenderness, the anticipation and build up should be part of the fun at least part of the time.

[asiangrace]

So, yesterday afternoon I talked to my boyfriend about my feelings about sex and how much it was bothering me. I started crying (thank you, PMS) and I took advice and explained to him how I feel like sex starting to feel like just sex and nothing romantic or special. He listened and understood and comforted me. We are coming up with new ideas to do in the bedroom and he's going to try and make it more special.

I feel much better after opening up to him and I SO appreciate all your support and advice!
Hopefully I will stop resenting it as we come up with new things to do!

[kygirl]

So, yesterday afternoon I talked to my boyfriend about my feelings about sex and how much it was bothering me. I started crying (thank you, PMS) and I took advice and explained to him how I feel like sex starting to feel like just sex and nothing romantic or special. He listened and understood and comforted me. We are coming up with new ideas to do in the bedroom and he's going to try and make it more special.

I feel much better after opening up to him and I SO appreciate all your support and advice!
Hopefully I will stop resenting it as we come up with new things to do!

Glad to hear you talked it out. I hope the situation improves for you. It sounds like you all love each other dearly and hopefully this will help you all to find some common ground where you can both enjoy this time together.

[Hopeless Dork]

The one thing I have learned in this forum that I have taken to heart and prospered in my relationship from is communication. Saying what you are feeling, and saying it in a way that promotes compromise and negates blame.

When I use to date people in the past if I didn't like something I'd leave. I wouldn't bother trying to work it out, I wouldn't express my feelings. If I felt a tiny tinge of anything unsettling I'd be gone. So never had a meaningful relationship.

I've come close to that at many points in my relationship (old habits die hard) but I've learned there is nothing to lose and everything to gain in communication. It leaves no room for misunderstandings, and can only bring you closer and make each of you a bit happier.

I am glad you talked to him and you guys will be moving in the right direction