[StillLearnin]

I've been working with my wife to get her more interested in sex. As you know, she's come a long ways.

So I've been brainstorming what to do about her low libido. She just doesn't have a sex drive. She'll have maybe four orgasms a year. That might be part of the problem, because she's missing out on the pleasure. The only way she can have an orgasm is by nipple stimulation. And she has to be in the right mood, a somewhat erotic mood.

I suggested to her yesterday that I'll get a vasectomy so she can get off the pill, to see if that will increase her sex drive. She was sweet, she understands that I don't really want to do that. My boys want to swim! But I'll do that to help increase her sex drive. She was afraid that if her getting off the pill didn't have any effect on increasing her libido that me having that procedure wouldn't be worth the risk. I guess we could try condoms for a while to test it out first.

She suggested something that I'm curious about. She said to get some Playboy magazines so she can look at the sexy women. She said that it helps her feel erotic because she wants to be sexy like them. And she thinks that most women are turned on by sexy women. (I think she's sexy already the way she is)

I was just wondering what other women think about this? Are you turned on by seeing sexy women? Just curious.

I'm willing to try this, as well as get a vasectomy. I'll do whatever I have to do. Don't worry, I'm already doing the "basics" of showing love to her in the way she likes by quality time, help with kids and housework, etc.

[caterpillar79]

When I was on the pill, I also had a very low sex drive. Now that I am not to worry about anything, I have it up high. I am afraid I'd cause my husband to freak-out.

Maybe have her off of the pill, while you use condoms. Vasectomy should be good, as I know of some couples who did that who seem to be happier.

As for sexy women's pics, I don't get turned on per se, but it fuels my mental juices and get creative. That being said, try whatever works. It came from her, so it must be worth it.

[WildChild]

Why not encourage her to get off the pill or other hormonal BC and instead of a condom which lowers the experience for both of you, try a diapharam? Judging from some of the posts we've had here it may take some time for the residual effects of the pill to leave her body - maybe months.

Another alternative would be a NON Hormonal IUD.

[pretzel]

Still, just out of curiosity, why is it so important not to get a vasectomy? From all I gather you two have raised your kids and now want to re-kindle that lost feeling. If you don't want any more kids, clip and snip. Personally, knowing that I no longer will have kids isn't that debilitating a feeling.

Knowing that she no longer has to worry about becoming a mother even if it's accidental could be a big weight off her shoulders. Plus knowing that she can go off bc, no condom, full intercourse may go a long way.

[WildChild]

Good point. Coming from a woman's perspective it makes no difference in performance or ejaculation.

[StillLearnin]

She knows in the past I've been opposed to it. Seriously, because I can't get past the idea that I'll be infertile. Even though I know I don't want any more children. Plus, surgery always has it's risks. I've heard of men having pain for years after.

When she had her procedure the surgeon was right there and could have easily tied her tubes. She didn't want to do anything more than absolutely necessary because it introduces more risk. We're both kind of paranoid about that.

I like the diaphram idea. I'll suggest that. Plus, I'll be sure to get some magazines sometime this week.

[sourpuss]

I would be willing to bet that going off BC would be a huge help. I had no interest in sex at all when I was on it. I swear that's how it works. How are you going to get pregnant if you never want to have sex and if you're so miserable that no one wants to have sex with you!

If you've already raised your children, then I don't see the big deal with the vascetomy. But maybe go off the pill and use condoms for a few months and see if that's better. If she's feeling better than the surgery would be well worth it all.

[pretzel]

She knows in the past I've been opposed to it. Seriously, because I can't get past the idea that I'll be infertile. Even though I know I don't want any more children. Plus, surgery always has it's risks. I've heard of men having pain for years after.

When she had her procedure the surgeon was right there and could have easily tied her tubes. She didn't want to do anything more than absolutely necessary because it introduces more risk. We're both kind of paranoid about that.

I like the diaphram idea. I'll suggest that. Plus, I'll be sure to get some magazines sometime this week.

For what it's worth,

I drove myself to and from my procedure. It was a little sore for a day or so. Had it done on a Friday and was back to work on Monday.

I still like knowing that I'm in control over this and not having to have any second thoughts.

[caterpillar79]

Still, just out of curiosity, why is it so important not to get a vasectomy? From all I gather you two have raised your kids and now want to re-kindle that lost feeling. If you don't want any more kids, clip and snip. Personally, knowing that I no longer will have kids isn't that debilitating a feeling.

Knowing that she no longer has to worry about becoming a mother even if it's accidental could be a big weight off her shoulders. Plus knowing that she can go off bc, no condom, full intercourse may go a long way.

Exactly my point as well. Vasectomy is a sacrifice that a man can do or consider of doing to compensate to her not going on BC or IUD or tubal ligation.

Explore your options, discuss it with your doctor.

Still, what risks are you paranoid about regarding vasectomy?

[PJhavinfunagain]

For what it's worth,

I drove myself to and from my procedure. It was a little sore for a day or so. Had it done on a Friday and was back to work on Monday.

I still like knowing that I'm in control over this and not having to have any second thoughts.

This was my hubby too... Just remember to do ALL the follow up and rechecks!

Considering I had been on the pill went thru 2 pregnancies and 2 C-sections it was the least he could do!

I of course mean this in the most loving way possible