[mortebella]

You have some decisions to make...it sounds like you realize he may not be the guy for you. Nonetheless, "losing it" is a bridge to womanhood that most girls are anxious to cross at some point in their lives, important in and of itself. At 18, you are a legal adult whether you live at home or not. That much pain could be normal or not; the only way you can know is to see a doctor. You also don't say if you've got birth control handled, and a visit to a doc will give you options there. If your bf is callous about foreplay, I wonder if he's better about protecting you from pregnancy, if that's currently falling into his realm of responsibility? The last thing you need right now is an unplanned preg - don't mean to preach if you do in fact have this part covered. Just a big vote to see a doc to a) rule out physical problems first and b) give yourself b/c options if you need them. Then feeling more like you've got your own back as competent adult in charge of her own sexual well-being, I think you'll feel more able to make up your mind about whether to stay or go with Mr. BF.

[LMH]

I was born without a hymen and the only sex i've had was a rape. the prob with the small vag opening runs in my family even after they have children. anything i insert in there ends up hurting like even douching and exams. it feels like the rape all over again. i'm not sure what to do about it. any ideas? thanks in advance. i thought guys didn't like virgins. i'm very knowledgeable in the subject of sex so that has to count for something. it's not like i'm some naive idiot. i think i could give a guy a good time if he was willing to be patient and slow. lol sorry i just thought was funny. anyhoo thanks in advance again for any tips. btw i'm 34 years old. i haven't been with a guy because of the rape. i know not all guys are rapists but it still scares me.

[maverick]

For LMH

Wow LMH. That's terrible about your rape experience. If you have not had counseling, I think you could benefit from it. You can get over this experience but it may take time. As a guy, I can tell you that as many guys as women find rape horrific and impossible to understand. Rape is not about sex it is about violently dominating another human being. So perhaps if you remember that, it will help you to disassociate the two. There are guys out there willing to take there time and go slow. You will find one. Hang in there and keep looking until you do!