[Hopeless Dork]

Whether or not they are fantasies, they are important enough fantasies for him to have to discuss them with you as a part of arrousal. If the fantasies alone make you uncomfortable, turn you off, etc... the fact he says he doesn't want to act them out doesn't matter, really.

I wouldn't end a relationship over my guy having an occasional fantasy that I think is weird... but if he had to talk about a fantasy that turned me off and made me feel awkward everytime we had sex... I just don't think it would be very enjoyable for me.

Its all apart of finding a fit, and it doesn't sound like you feel like you guys are a good fit. Is he able to have sex with you , play around get arroused WITHOUT discussing the gay fantasies? If so it may work out, or if you think you'd eventually come to appreciate that kind of talk with your sex... but it all depends on if he can be with you without that or whether or not you can become okay with it.

[Joey]

I always had it in my head that sharing sexual fantasies to your partner was fine, and that it was a great way to spice up the bedroom activities. With me, that all changed when i told one of my ex boyfriends a few fantasies of mine - just silly usual stuff, nothing hardcore - and then he told me his - which were, even to my standards, not particularly pleasent. (one even included my mum....!)

Ever since then i have always been, not so much fearful about hearing partners fantasies, just more reserved. I feel almost as if i need to prepare myself for them now - incase they tell me a fantasie that im really not happy about - and then it just plays on my mind whever we have sex, such as 'is he thinking of this fantasy now?'

Now i have just come to realise that fantasies, are just that - FANTASY. sometimes they come to light, or if not, they remain in our fantasy world as that is where they are safe.

[Branwen]

hi,
Good questions and observations! yes, you are both right: we share some men in our fantasies...and may be some women, although I 'm not interested in women in my fantasies as much as he is.
Regarding my past relationships, these are just things these past guys said or suggested or did sexually that pop up in my mind while I'm enjoying sex (even though we finished our relationships), but it's not that I miss them or what to get back with any of them--all the contrary I have lots of feelings for my current boyfriend, but I am trying to understand his sexuality and sexual practices and (re) discovering mine at the same time...

Many thanks!!