[emily100]

I didn't have any problem with my last BF. But now I have a darling man who loves me and is wonderful to me. We just started trying to have intercourse. the first time he was able to penetrate me. but the next time my vagina tightened up like like a closed door! we have a double problem because he tends to loose his erection if he doesn't penetrate me immediately and maybe that caused me to tighten up!! Its so frustrating...has anyone gone through this and what did you do????

[Mes T]

Are you properly lubricated when this happens, from plenty of foreplay beforehand, etc?

And how was sex the first time around? Was it pleasurable for you?

If the answer is no to any of the above, that could be the cause.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Let yourself go.. You didn't have a problem before.

There's a fear there for some reason.

In addition, what did your ex do, and is this guy doing the same, ie) foreplay before hand.

If it's all new, then it stands to reason that there will be causion thrown to the wind and consequently this problem.

Let yourself go... your in a relationship for better or worse so to speak, allow yourself to breathe and don't let your mind control your body.

CW

[emily100]

my ex gave me a lot of oral sex which really loosened me up but current BF feels uncomfortable giving oral. maybe that will change later on but for now he won't do it. I think I need to communicate to him more fully about the amount of foreplay I need and the lubrication. also, my ex was much more comfortable and open about sex. current BF is more uptight. I miss the easiness with which my ex and I had sex.

[phosyns46]

*Bump*

I've posted a message on emily100's message board about this issue, but I wanted to reach out to a larger audience as well.

Being a man, I'm coming at this from the opposite direction as emily100, but I've found myself in a very similar, almost eerily similar situation to the one she's describing. My girlfriend, despite having been with other guys before, has been extremely tight, and there's the additional problem that if things don't work out on the first go, I tend to go soft. Pretty awful combination. The only difference between our situation and emily100's, though, is that I don't have any qualms about trying to please her orally and that we've been open about and discussed the problem. She's been extremely supportive, but I'm not always so good at hearing that. I've taken the problem very much to heart and was convinced initially that it was all on my end. After trolling the internet, I thought I might be suffering from performance anxiety, which I still might be, but after she told me that she's found herself going tight, I wondered if that might be more of the issue (not, of course, that anyone's to 'blame' in these situations). We've had sex successfully a couple of times, but always with her on top. Most of the time, though, it's a struggle to penetrate, and then I just lose my libido.

I was extremely relieved to come across emily100's post and wanted to see if anyone might have any tips/advice for dealing with the situation.

It's great to find a place where you can reach out about something like this.

[jns]

*Bump*

I've posted a message on emily100's message board about this issue, but I wanted to reach out to a larger audience as well.

Being a man, I'm coming at this from the opposite direction as emily100, but I've found myself in a very similar, almost eerily similar situation to the one she's describing. My girlfriend, despite having been with other guys before, has been extremely tight, and there's the additional problem that if things don't work out on the first go, I tend to go soft. Pretty awful combination. The only difference between our situation and emily100's, though, is that I don't have any qualms about trying to please her orally and that we've been open about and discussed the problem. She's been extremely supportive, but I'm not always so good at hearing that. I've taken the problem very much to heart and was convinced initially that it was all on my end. After trolling the internet, I thought I might be suffering from performance anxiety, which I still might be, but after she told me that she's found herself going tight, I wondered if that might be more of the issue (not, of course, that anyone's to 'blame' in these situations). We've had sex successfully a couple of times, but always with her on top. Most of the time, though, it's a struggle to penetrate, and then I just lose my libido.

I was extremely relieved to come across emily100's post and wanted to see if anyone might have any tips/advice for dealing with the situation.

It's great to find a place where you can reach out about something like this.

You may be suffering from performance anxiety or you may have ED. Have you tried Viagra, Cialis or Levitra? If your gf is willing, you can have many sessions in a row or separated by a short time, that start with foreplay, enough for her to orgasm multiple times, followed by trying to have sex. If it doesn't happen, start over again. As long as you don't dwell on it, the right timing and circumstances should happen sooner or later.

[phosyns46]

Thanks for the quick response. I'm a very young guy and relatively new to sex, so I'd really like not to start popping pills (and I'm also really not convinced that pills are the answer to this kind of thing).

During foreplay, I have no problem achieving a strong erection; it's when it comes to penetration that I start to lose things. My guess is that it's some form of performance anxiety, but I wondered if the tightness issue for women was at least somewhat common. How easily should I be able to slip in? Should there be a lot of resistance?

Thanks again for your reply.

[jns]

I have been with a very tight woman or two in the past. One thing is getting her ready by having her orgasm. Is that happening. That makes changes to her body that make her able to accommodate you easier. Secondly, have her guide you in. Even if you were experienced, this is best done by the girl as she knows precisely where things are and in what direction they go. After having sex a few times, you should figure out the particulars of her physical variations, but initially she is absolutely the best guide. Are you using condoms? They can lessen sensitivity, so you may have to determine if they will work, but at the same time you have to determine what you want to do about fertility and disease. Have you tried girl on top? she would absolutely have to guide you in, but you can help maintain hardness by clamping your legs together. I believe if you can maintain erection long enough to get good penetration you will not have a major problem after that because you will start feeling the sensations of sex and it will be enough to stay hard. Another thing you could do is to clamp down on the base of your penis, not letting the blood leave. After a few strokes, the sensation should keep you hard. Also, try to distract yourself or have your gf distract you so you don't over-think things.

[phosyns46]

Sounds good. Thanks for the advice.

[WildChild]

Was you gf really tight with other partners?
Is she wet, really wet, before you try to enter her?
You might try just focusing on learning her body and responses and getting her to orgasm at least once if not a couple times before you attempt intercourse. This should have her really lubricated and more relaxed and ready for more and it takes the stress off you.
Does she pleasure you with her hands or tongue? Perhaps if the two of you backed off intercourse for a while and spent some time just slowly and sensuously exploring and playing with each other you would both be more in tune with yourselves and each other and more relaxed about sex.