[Greydog72]

Mitchel,

Sorry man.

I'm in the same boat here too. Shirt on, can't touch, was one position: finally got another. Sex once a month, Have suggestion numerous things: counseling, books, etc., wash dishes, clothes, etc., and when we argue about it, all she says are things like, "is that all you think about", "I have to move at my own pace", "leave them allow, I'm concentrating so I can enjoy myself", "it's all my fault" and other things that are to avoid the truth. I have been trying for 2 years to try and get some type of......compromise (lack of a better word), Keep your head up. It's sad that we have to come to a womens forum to talk about these things...In men forums, it's a bunch of young punks and advice like...man up dude or get a pair. Thanks Ladies

I don't know how long a can do this anymore. I will not have an affair....I can't do that to myself. But I'm all so at the end of my rope. And she knows it....Sad to say, that's the only time a get any affection from her.

As far as help, they are right....

Mitchel, Good Luck Buddy....I'm pulling for you

[WildChild]

There are some people, as we have seen here, women and men, who for whatever reason, just put sex on the back burner or cross it off the list. In some cases it may be a physical issue; hormones out of wack, pain, lack of sleep, there could a variety of causes. But most cases, flat out, are in their thinking. The mind is the biggest sex organ. What we think, hear, see and are indoctrinated into from infancy, takes its toll. We bare bombarded with religion, media and societal norms that work against having a healthy attitude toward sex. Some might think that the hyper sexuality of advertsing, movies, TV and such contradicts the no sex messages of religions, but it doesn't. It feeds on a sense of naughty, wrongness, being the "bad" girl or boy.

Most of us want to be "good" and "nice", So maybe we go through a little "naughty" phase, especially when infatuated early in a relationship. But then we do what "good" people do and settle down, commit, have kids, then we need to be "grown up" and " good". If our programming is that "good" mommies, daddies, parents, grown ups, aren't sexual or sensual - sex goes out the window. Some men without realising it try to enforce this on their wives. Mommies aren't sexy, wives aren't sexy, or interested in sex, so even if she is begging for it, he may just shut her out. The flip side of that is women who have deep down, bought that thinking and cease to even think about sex.

The truth is connected, caring sex, revitalizes both genders and helps keeps a relationship strong. You can overlook a lot of minor annoyances and disappointments when you have a loving, fun, sex frequently. Guess we need to start straightening out our thinking, one person at a time.

[Mitchel1870]

WC - You are right about the caring sex part. After another huge fight we had some very deep discussions. She seemed to have a negative view of our relationship which she back pedaled on when I questioned her about it. Her perspective seems to be out of touch with reality and I think she started to understand that. It has since been two days of more intimate and caring sex. She does still have hang ups with her body image which I am still working on however for the first time in a long time it feels like we are headed in a good direction. I don't know how to overcome the her problems with her body image though. That still seems to be a problem.

[Mitchel1870]

Greydog72 - Know how you feel. Sorry for you too man. Yeah going on the mens forum would not be helpful I am sure. I am in the same boat in that I don't want another woman. I have chosen the one I love for life (15+ years now). I told my wife during the last arguement that her happiness meant more to me than mine and if that meant us being apart than that was want I wanted, her to be happy no matter what that meant to me.