[Aqemini1977]

Ladies please don't kick me out for being a male but I need help. I have received advice from male friends, male forums, and even 2 female friends but I am still frustrated. I have been married to my loving wife for 10 years and we dated for 4 years before we got married. I am 32 years old and she is 31. Neither one of us were virgins we we got married but I was definintly more experience (I have had 10 partners and she has had 2). Our marriage is great, I am happy and she says she is happy. We have one daughter (4yrs old) but the problem is her sex drive is so low. Since 1999, we have sex and average of once a month. Sure sometimes it will be once every 3 weeks or at other times once every 8 weeks but on average once a month. I have tried everything. We normally talk about my frustration three times a year. Her response is always that I am exaggerating how long it has been or sometimes she will say "I get horny every week but life gets in the way". I really would like for 30 responders to say "once a week is normal". I guess that would make me feel better. I do masturbate about 4 times a week. She doesn't know it. She knows I masturbate and she knows I occasionally watch porn so we openly discuss all sorts of things but this open communication has not led to an increased libido on her part. The way she is doesn't hurt my self-esteem b/c I know I am attractive but it does frustrate the heck out of me. My job is not stressful at all (Military man), we are financially stable, she is in awesome shape. I just don't know what the problem is. My real fear is that she will be this way forever. I love her and I am very old fashioned so I don't think this is something to divorce over but I would like more from her on that front. Oh yeah, initiation is 99% my part. I will even try to go as long as possible without initiating and it always backfires. Our record is 9 weeks without sex. Sorry to ramble....

[WildChild]

Welcome to the forum. We have talked this one to death from both sides - men and women, who's SO has low or no interest in sex. It's frustrating. Personally I'd be delighted with once a day, maybe more.

[Aqemini1977]

Welcome to the forum. We have talked this one to death from both sides - men and women, who's SO has low or no interest in sex. It's frustrating. Personally I'd be delighted with once a day, maybe more.

It is great that you are happy with once a day and I am sure your SO is delighted as well but I have a couple of questions. Are you married? Do you have kids? How old are you? Has once a day always been your libido level since adulthood?

[WildChild]

It is great that you are happy with once a day and I am sure your SO is delighted as well but I have a couple of questions. Are you married? Do you have kids? How old are you? Has once a day always been your libido level since adulthood?

Don't have an SO and to date (I'm over 50) never had one who was happy with it for more than a few months. If you read through the threads here, you will find that is a common experience for women with a high drive. It seems that a lot of men once they know they have woman who wants them all the time, their interest drops off and they get lazy.

I have two teens; one in college and one in high school. Tried marriage more than once and have had a few times when I've shut down sexually. This generally happens when I feel unloved, uncared about and have been shut out sexually for a while. But in general, if I'm happy I'm horny and often times if I'm not so happy. I'm still horny. It's a state of mind. I think of it as keeping things juicy.

[pretzel]

Welcome to the forum.

Just to ease some of your fears, I'm a guy also but a bit older (some would say not necessarily wiser) and I've been there, done that, there again.

Quite honestly, your wife's response "I get horny every week but life gets in the way" really is her mind set right now. You have a small child, she either works full time also or is a full time mom. Either way it is draining on her. Whether or not we like it, for a lot of people, this is true.

If you haven't already done things, do whatever you can to make her daily life less stressful. Find ways for her to have free time with or without you. As her stress levels decrease other enjoyable things increase.

There is a country song titile "Mr. Mom". There's an older movie with the same title. They are rather appropriate. Every father should spend at least one week a year being the full time parent to their child. Total role reversal. After that one week, you would gain an insight into what many full time mothers go through. It will change one's attitude.

If there is one piece of advice I could give. Life is a roller coaster. There's ups, downs, turns when you least expect them. Always remember that there's someone right next to you that is going on the same ride.

[Aqemini1977]

If you read through the threads here, you will find that is a common experience for women with a high drive. [/QUOTE]

Women with high drive? In your opinion, is the high drive something women are born with or is it something they acquire. For me, my sexual drive hasn't changed much. I get horny daily but I can go without sex for a week easy but the second week is where I struggle. By the 3rd week, it is almost unbearable to the point where I am aroused by any visual stimualtion of the female body. So this is why it is difficult to understand how my spouse can go 4 to 8 weeks without sex. Sure we have talked hundreds of times about this very subject but at the end we end on saying "things will change" but really they dont.

I do not want her drive to match mine, that is unrealistic but if as a woman you can go 4 to 8 weeks without sex then you are depriving your spouse of a normal sexual outlet. I could never do that to her. I am sure it is not on purpose.

Not to sound old fashioned but I do believe in marital roles. I mean I am the main breadwinner in the family. I was taught that as a man, I need to support my family, cut the grass, protect my home, fix things. I was also taught that a woman also has certain duties: main child rearer, cooking for the family, caring for the family. I do believe in crossing these roles in this day and age but I still believe in the basic priniciples I was taught.

Oh yeah, b4 I am crucified. I was raised by a single woman .

[Aqemini1977]

Welcome to the forum.

Just to ease some of your fears, I'm a guy also but a bit older (some would say not necessarily wiser) and I've been there, done that, there again.

Quite honestly, your wife's response "I get horny every week but life gets in the way" really is her mind set right now. You have a small child, she either works full time also or is a full time mom. Either way it is draining on her. Whether or not we like it, for a lot of people, this is true.

If you haven't already done things, do whatever you can to make her daily life less stressful. Find ways for her to have free time with or without you. As her stress levels decrease other enjoyable things increase.

There is a country song titile "Mr. Mom". There's an older movie with the same title. They are rather appropriate. Every father should spend at least one week a year being the full time parent to their child. Total role reversal. After that one week, you would gain an insight into what many full time mothers go through. It will change one's attitude.

If there is one piece of advice I could give. Life is a roller coaster. There's ups, downs, turns when you least expect them. Always remember that there's someone right next to you that is going on the same ride.

I am glad you suggested this but I do this once a month. I can't handle it. The job she does a wife is overwhelming when I try just one day. I am amazed at how women do it but this is why I love women. This still doesn't explain why from 1999 to 2006 she was still a once a month type woman. I fully understand that having a child and working should decrease our sexual relationship but it did not. She has been once a month woman since 1999. Thanks for the "Mr. Mom" advice, truly eye-opening.

[WildChild]

I can't explain how anyone can go that long without sex not be climbing the walls. Does she orgasm when you have sex? Does she self pleasure? How comfortable is she with her body?

[pretzel]

I am glad you suggested this but I do this once a month. I can't handle it. The job she does a wife is overwhelming when I try just one day. I am amazed at how women do it but this is why I love women. This still doesn't explain why from 1999 to 2006 she was still a once a month type woman. I fully understand that having a child and working should decrease our sexual relationship but it did not. She has been once a month woman since 1999. Thanks for the "Mr. Mom" advice, truly eye-opening.

No problem. You'll find some great advice here. Alot of us have already been through this.

I had to do a little quick math from your OP. Seems like you too have been together since you were 18 and 17. That's both a long time and young ages. You two should be commended.

One other thing to consider. No matter how old, relationships go through complacency periods. It happens. What you might want to consider are ways to break those cycles. Start getting back to "dating" again.

I'm pretty sure at this point, you are willing to try anything and everything. The only thing that hurts is to stop trying.

[Guest]

Women with high drive? In your opinion, is the high drive something women are born with or is it something they acquire. .

Both men and women have natural levels of testosterone in their bodies.

Your actual sex drive is dictated by testosterone levels which can vary throughout your lifetime.

Then there is a mental input to your sexual prowess which I call your "willingness" to have sex.

For example, there are times when you are aroused, but don't want to have sex. As well as there are times you aren't aroused but WILL have sex to please your partner.

There is a fine line between "sex drive" and the "willingness" of one to engage in sexual contact with their partner.

You should explore both aspects....mental and physical. If she isn't craving sex physically, she probably wont' want to have it. If she has mental hang ups, she probably won't want to have it.

Good luck sir.