[WildChild]

Consider the specific case where your SO wants something sexual that you don't want to do. Nothing really strange. Maybe more sex, or maybe some fairly common sex act that you happen to dislike (anal, oral, bondage games, etc). Why wouldn't you want them to get it somewhere else.

I know some people are poly and have no problem with this, I'm wondering why the others do care (as most people do).

Would depend on the presentation and what is was. I'm pretty open but do have my limits. Trust levels would be critical for some things. Really haven't yet had MY unwillingness be an issue yet. What I've encountered are men who are so unwillingly to do anything loving or tender that I feel as if, except for very brief moments, I've lived my life in a relationship desert sexually and emotionally.

For me to deal with a polyamorous situtaion would require one of two extremes; either a pleasantly casual relationship that is more friends than lovers or a such a deep level of trust and love as to be unshakable. My personal exploratory interests lie more in seeing how deeply connected, loving and intense a relationship with one man could be.

[Maximus]

That's a great question !
Having made my first post in here on this issue, I totally relate to the points that have been made.

In the past few days I had to push my thinking deeper, or more try to see this differently. Here is my take.

First "sex" is one way for men and women to get into a level of bonding and intimacy that is unparallel. Without getting into any theological discussion, I believe sex has been created in order for us to have the full experience of being in a physical body, that includes having children. The latter through the lenses of the "Great Plan" is a way to discover and experience the love and joys of parenthood...Let's leave that aside

What if sex is way to keep us in the Cosmic Dream for as long as we don't recognize that what we are looking into it, through it, is the Union that we miss, and can never be completed until we realize the nature of Spirit ? - outside of any religious belief or dogma ?
As long as we are only looking for ourselves, our egos (not meant negatively, but rather as the manifestation of our individualised consciousness), we will only meet sorrow...and the unhappiness experience in sex being one of its manifestation.

At least I find this being true if I truly look at this whole sex thing.

Virgile

[stressed]

The practical side of the matter:

We've been raised with the notion "one man and one woman make a happy family. Family is something sacred that offers stability in our society and a healthy environment for the children". It has it faults, but it suits our society. When you have one man and two women, for whatever reason, then you ruin this notion. It's not convenient for the society. The government can't easily support people with multiple partners and children. This is why Christianity has been successful and connected with the Western world: because it's convenient. One man and one woman and that's it (religious matters aside, I'm a Christian too, just not particularly religious, and my point is not to offend religious people in any sense. Just trying to make a point).

The emotional side of the matter:

Adding to the above notion that is stuck in our head since we were able to tell the difference between boys and girls, there is something more:

1) If we decide that we can't be fully happy with one person and that one person alone cannot satisfy our needs, then we can have open marriages, not marry at all, have casual sex, and just not worry about what is socially accepted.

2) Those who feel satisfied by being with a single person alone for the rest of their lives and don't want to keep looking, end up having demands. Because one person alone just can't offer everything. We are not perfect. So, when one such person feels sexually frustrated, because his/her partner doesn't give enough sex there is a problem. Because this person has already accepted the notion of "I am only supposed to be with one person" and even if this is what he really wants, he has to either work on solving the problem or look for another "one". Because the thought of having sex with someone else is not satisfying enough, or because he knows he's not supposed to do it. Even if his partner doesn't give him sex he feels bound to stay in the relationship and not cheat, because he feels it's the wrong thing to do. So there we have millions of threads on the internet, with people trying to solve their sex problems since they don't want to cheat or break up.

The worst problem is when you have a case of person no.1 and no.2 in the relationship. Someone who believes that sex should be sought in other people if it is not enough at home, and someone who believes that sharing in this sense is not permitted at all but at the same time neglects his/her partners' sexual needs.