[Rediscovered]

A woman can be self-conscious of a perfect body (including breasts) in front of a person with whom they do not feel intimate (like a husband!).

I consider my breasts to be very beautiful--I'm tall, thin with 32Ds. I was always hiding my breasts from my ex-husband. I don't know why, except that I did not feel comfortable with him in that way. I know it went a lot deeper than body image and had more to do with respect and trust.

You would never know I used to be like that if you saw me with my lover now. I love my body, my breasts, and love to be touched. I'm pretty much an exhibitionist these days and there are times when even I can't believe it is me.

[Greydog72]

Hopeless: Yes, we have talked about a lift...I guess she doesn't want to persue it enough yet...I don't do anything with her breast. They are not present at all...I've only told her what I would like...She says that they are tender, so when I do get to touch them, she squenches like I'm going to rip them off....I don't want to rip them off, I want to curest and love them...When I do get to touch them, I don't get to enjoy them because of the look she has on her face. She has had test done and she does have cyst...non cancer...and I know they can be painful...and I have asked others..I think also in this forum...what can help? Primrose supplement, even on another forum...a lady suggested that manuel exercise helps with the long term pain. Like theropy to help with blood flow...I guess like a breast implant patent that has to move them around. Everyone has a lot of great suggestions...but I think where we are stuck is that she will not listen to me...other people yes...me no.

pretzel: ride it out? That is what I'm have been doing? (sorry if I sound mad, I'm not...hard to show emotion on keyboard) I understand, as much as I can, that women go through changes that will affect the emotional stats...I think I have been as patient, if not more, than most men. I have tried to imaged what other men, that I know, would do in my situation. Most men would probably already had an affair, some would have left already, and a small few, I think, would have either raped her or have beaten her. But that's what I do...Try to place my self in other people shoes and look at their point of view. It's also my job to do that, If I wasn't able to do that, I wouldn't be good at my job.

I'm still young enough to be able to enjoy life to it's fullest. I can do it alone, but would really like to have someone to enjoy it with. When I married my wife, I thought it was her...I don't know anymore.

It's hard to play football if your teammate is playing golf. Just doesn't work...I don't know anymore.

But I still have faith

[pretzel]

Grey,

Believe me, you have no greater sympathizer in you situation than I. I went through it with my first wife, now going through it again with my second wife. If I didn't shave my head, I'd have pulled my hair out long ago.

And you're so totally right, I don't know what to do in my own situation anymore. There's times when I think the wall listens better than my wife.

But you are spot on in that I still have faith. The day I lose faith is the day the marriage no longer means anything. I don't know when that day will come for me but I do know I'm thinking more and more about that day which is in and of itself, disheartening.

I suggested riding it out because if you're like me you want to believe that there's a light at the end of this tunnel. I still envision seeing that light and seeing what we had in the first few years of our relationship still there.

I'm only a couple of years older than you. It would be real easy to just pack it in since she and I really have few joint assets. Either one of us could leave in a moments notice if we choose to. We don't have the longevity that you and your wife have. We don't have the history together that many other couples do.

I'm choosing to ride it out til the bitter end because even with the severity of our own intimacy issues, I still feel like I'm a better person with her in my life than I would with her out of it.

Until the day comes, I'll be here continuing to voice my frustrations, listen to others suggestions as to how to make things better and hopefully lend some words to others that may benefit them.

"But I still have faith"

[Greydog72]

Well, it happened, the beginning of the end.

Had to get on the computer..can't sleep.

She is unwilling to try anything. I work hard on our relationship for over 2 years...she thinks about it in one week and say, that she will never be where I'm at. Don't worry, it wasn't a knock-down blow-out fight...I don't fight that way. She said that if their was someone else out their for me, that she couldn't hold me back for more time and know that she would never be where I would like to be. So then we are officially separated. And so the next step begins.

I'm doing surprisingly fine. I think I knew it by the way she was acting and kissing me this week. Wow, this is weird. Had to talk to the most important man in my life, my dad, just to hear his voice...we live 3 states apart.

Want to thank everyone for their great support and advice.

One thing I felt bad a couple of days ago....Please remember when I give advice or suggestion..they are for me. Not for you to copy... You need to think things out in your own way to take the course you need. I felt bad, feeling like my words where encouraging others with my similar problem, to do what I'm doing...Please don't. Read the signs and look at ALL your options. This is my life and to copy what I do in my life will only hurt yours. Advice is a great thing, because many times you need the eyes of others to help you with different options, but remember to think rationally and wisely. Because your decisions not only effect you but also the ones you truly love.

Again, Thanks for all the wonderful support...I'll be find and dandy.
Hurting now, but guess what...That's normal when you see your 18 yr. old marriage go out the door.

Funny...I changed my Icon today at work because I felt the need too. Who would of figured that it was true...Maybe the people I work with are right...maybe I can read minds...LOL j/k

God Bless...Dog

[LanaBear]

Haven't responded to this thread, but I've been continually reading it. It sucks you are going through this and I wish you the best! It's a tough nugget to chew. 18 years is a long time. Good luck, during everything, and of course, we're all here to hear you vent.

[WildChild]

I'm sure you'll go through quite a range of emotion in the coming days, weeks and months. There is a kind of grieving process, the relationship has died.
Don't discount the value of your advise and observations, one thought triggers another and can lead to better understanding. We are here in life to grow and learn. And we are here at WH to interact and I'm sure many will be happy to encourage and to empathise as you deal with this.

You know you did all that you could and at some point it just isn't up to you. People change and sometimes even the most wonderful couple can change in different ways or one changes and the other doesn't.

Remember to take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself.

[pretzel]

Grey, really sorry about this.

Wish you the best in what happens.

[purplehaze]

Grey, take a deep breath, hopefully you will realize this is the start of the rest of your life. 18 years is a long time but you still have alot of life and a lot of living to do. I am divorcing after 15 years and glad it is happening ( even though it was not my choice) I am 49 and glad I am not going to live the rest of my life like the last 15. I'm free!!

[purplehaze]

To All....please don't take the above post the wrong way. I so admire people the grow, change and stay together in their marriage. However, when one person in the relationship refuses to communicate and compromise among the many other things it take to keep a marriage together, unfortunately there is not much you can do about it. I'm not saying don't try.......whether it's 10 or 20 years ....but at some point you realize things are not moving forward....you have to live your own life

[Rediscovered]

I'm with you, purplehaze!

After 20 years in a relationship with my best friend (but that was all we were), at age 49, to finally have the whole package in a relationship makes all the heartache and turmoil worthwhile~~

And good luck, Greydog72--you will soon see why all this had to happen in your life and it will make sense. And you will be happy again~