[Greydog72]

Gosh I wish I had have read all this years ago Grey dog. You have really helped me to understand my husband and I might be able to help you understand your wife a bit. I was a bit like her. Embarrased about my body (which by the way is perfect), often too tired for sex, did not want to be touched intimately, I avoided anything that might arouse him. Undressing cuddling on and on. And I had no idea why!!!!! He's hot. Always has been. I adore him. Always will, even though he had an affair. I did put a lot of it down to my own problems and tried hard but could not pretend I was in to sex. Doctors did not help. POSSIBLE CAUSE I had been on the pill since I was fifteen due to vomiting for the entire week of my period. This helped with the sickness but more and more I lost inerest is sex. I did not link the two for a while but after fifteen years went off the pill. I developed fibroids, breast lumps and all sorts of hormone imbalances from there and still not a great improvement in sex.
I am now early fifties and have just started feelilng like I might be in the first stages of menopause. While other women are complaining of night sweats etc I am feeling on top of the world. Loveing every inch of my body. Stripping for my hus. Loving intimacy and sex. There has definately been a huge shift in my hormones. Could your wife have a hormone imbalance that has her so confused she has no idea what is wrong with her???Tell her to go to a Natropath and get her hormones checked. It is certainly worth a thought. good luck Grey and thanks for giving me a look at the "other side". Messymiss

Thank you for the response, Messy

My wife hasn't been on birthcontrol over 15 yrs.. Didn't make her feel good. She did have blood work done over a yr ago. Everything checked out fine. This has been going on for some time...I have probably be really working on our intamicy issues for a long, long, time. They would get better but within time drop off again. She is a wonderful mother and I love her very much, but I can no longer do this. My moms a wonderful mother too...I don't want the same relationship with my wife that I have with my mother.

[pretzel]

Thank you for the response, Messy

My wife hasn't been on birthcontrol over 15 yrs.. Didn't make her feel good. She did have blood work done over a yr ago. Everything checked out fine. This has been going on for some time...I have probably be really working on our intamicy issues for a long, long, time. They would get better but within time drop off again. She is a wonderful mother and I love her very much, but I can no longer do this. My moms a wonderful mother too...I don't want the same relationship with my wife that I have with my mother.

Grey, concerning the blood work, I'd recommend she get another since it's been at least a year. Also, another thing to consider is that at a minimum in the early stages of perimenopause, hormone levels fluctuate so much that it's entirely possible that the day she had her blood drawn her levels may have been within normal ranges. A normal blood test doesn't always rule out hormonal imbalances.

[Greydog72]

Grey, concerning the blood work, I'd recommend she get another since it's been at least a year. Also, another thing to consider is that at a minimum in the early stages of perimenopause, hormone levels fluctuate so much that it's entirely possible that the day she had her blood drawn her levels may have been within normal ranges. A normal blood test doesn't always rule out hormonal imbalances.

I agree....It was like pulling teeth for her to get that done. She will not take any of my suggestions. If I suggested anything, she will usually say things like, you'r the one who needs to get check, your over acting, there is nothing wrong, or something like that. She wears a bra 24/7, I have told her many times that that is not good...Saw on the tv show, The DR's that there are sleeping bras...suggested that to her, just gave me a bad look.

[WildChild]

I agree....It was like pulling teeth for her to get that done. She will not take any of my suggestions. If I suggested anything, she will usually say things like, you'r the one who needs to get check, your over acting, there is nothing wrong, or something like that. She wears a bra 24/7, I have told her many times that that is not good...Saw on the tv show, The DR's that there are sleeping bras...suggested that to her, just gave me a bad look.

Why on earth does she wear a bra all the time?
Granted it's difficult to keep me in one but I really can't imagine wearing one ALL the time. Is it a body image issue?

[pretzel]

Why on earth does she wear a bra all the time?
Granted it's difficult to keep me in one but I really can't imagine wearing one ALL the time. Is it a body image issue?

Agreed.

[Greydog72]

Why on earth does she wear a bra all the time?
Granted it's difficult to keep me in one but I really can't imagine wearing one ALL the time. Is it a body image issue?

yes...they don't sag much, but she always says that she wishes they were purkey again...but even when they were purkey, she still worn it all the time. And yes, probably a big part of our problem...

[pretzel]

yes...they don't sag much, but she always says that she wishes they were purkey again...but even when they were purkey, she still worn it all the time. And yes, probably a big part of our problem...

Grey, don't know if you've mentioned it before, but would you mind if I asked how old your wife is?

[Greydog72]

Grey, don't know if you've mentioned it before, but would you mind if I asked how old your wife is?

early 40s

[Hopeless Dork]

Thing about the bra is..if she doesn't feel sexy without it, theres a good chance she won't enjoy the sex had with it off. She'd be more concerned about her breasts showing than pleasure.

I'm pretty sure I am going to get reemed to the high hills for this but as she ever talked to you about wanting to have work done to her breasts? A lift or an augmentation? I would NOT suggest offering that to her... as it could come across insulting.

But if its something she has brought up to you and you shrugged off ... maybe its time to think on it more?

Yes, yes, a woman should learn to be happy with what she has etc.. girl power, I'm right there with everyone. But when she is so unhappy she won't take her shirt off, we're talking about quality of life and thats when you have to consider all the options that are going to make her feel better.

Working on her mind is obviously the best option, working on her body the second. Before I had my breasts done there was no way on earth I'd ever take my bra off in front of a man, a woman, a family dog. I was too far gone in my shame of how they looked.

I would have never 'learned' to love what I have. In my eyes I was disfigured. But now, its a struggle to keep my top ON... lol. I show my boyfriend my boobs at every opportunity , I'm real happy to have them.

I know it sounds shallow, but it changed my life. Whether or not it matters to you what her breasts look like it obviously matters to her.

The fact you say she has never taken her bra, leads me to think there is just a huge boatload of hurt when it comes to her breasts and that could have a MAJOR effect on her sexuality as a whole.

I wouldn't push for her to remove her bra, it would be counterproductive as she may just freeze up and want sex even less if she feels like she's humiliated during the act.

Like I said I wouldn't bring up a boob job, I'm only asking if SHE has mentioned wanting one... that its situations like this where plastic surgery can improve the quality of ones life.

I've got my helmet and rainslicker on an ready for the tomato throwing :P:P
*ducks out*

[pretzel]

Just thinking aloud,

Early 40's, kids are probably mid to late teens? Maybe a few grey hairs (starting to show more) body doesn't remind herself of what it used to be, maybe her period is starting to not be as regular as it used to be, maybe starting to wonder why she can't lose the couple of pounds she'd like to,

Grey, as much as I wish this would never happen, this may just have to be a ride you're going to have to take for a little while.