[sourpuss]

He knows that it's not healthy for our relationship. And we've had quite a few conversations about it. But it always ends the same. It's like it is what it is and I either live with it, or not. I'd be willing to fight for it, but I'm completely at a loss. I have no idea what to do.
He's loving and supportive in every other way. It's not like our relationship is lacking anything else. So I think on his end, he sees the relationship as really good. Of course, because it's all on his terms.
I brought it up about a month ago and he said he was completely shocked and thought everything was great and didn't see it coming at all. What?!

I just feel like I'm out of options at this point.

[pretzel]

So it basically boils down to he knows, he doesn't care, get over it.

Irregardless of all the other things good about the relationship, he's willing (and yes I mean willing) to consciously ignore an aspect of your relationship that is very important to you. I'm sorry, but that is an uncaring and selfish attitude. Continuing with this attitude will lead to resentment and indifference on your part. I know first hand of these feelings.

You're right, this will ultimately end the relationship. But I fear as much as you'd like to think it'll end on good terms, I fear the opposite.

[WildChild]

I don't think there's a person here who doesn't sympathize.

It's not easy being on the short end of something that was once wonderful and exciting is somehow misplaced.

You and I both know that you have 2 choices, fight or admit defeat. If you don't want to fight to get that back, you've already admitted defeat.

You can't fight this, not really. If they see nothing wrong the situation, if they are content, then You are the one with the problem. Your problem may be them or the relationship with them, but it isn't their problem. You want something different, they are content. If they want live a celibate life they should find a partner who wants the same thing but they won't - not as long as the one they are with sticks around. It's a screwy system, it may have worked when people lived to 35 or 40 and let some guy with a shaved head, wearing a dress, who lived a bunch of men, tell them how to think and live. Most of us don't buy that anynore.

She can't change him, no more than you can change your wife or I can change the LOML. We have to either give up part of ourselves and live diminished with them or walk away. Fighting this is like fighting rain, you can expend a lot of energy but it still comes down.

[Greydog72]

You can't fight this, not really. If they see nothing wrong the situation, if they are content, then You are the one with the problem. Your problem may be them or the relationship with them, but it isn't their problem. You want something different, they are content. If they want live a celibate life they should find a partner who wants the same thing but they won't - not as long as the one they are with sticks around. It's a screwy system, it may have worked when people lived to 35 or 40 and let some guy with a shaved head, wearing a dress, who lived a bunch of men, tell them how to think and live. Most of us don't buy that anynore.

She can't change him, no more than you can change your wife or I can change the LOML. We have to either give up part of ourselves and live diminished with them or walk away. Fighting this is like fighting rain, you can expend a lot of energy but it still comes down.

Thanks for the different Point Of View...
I just got a slap on the face with your POV
Thanks

[pretzel]

Thanks for the different Point Of View...
I just got a slap on the face with your POV
Thanks

I think I did too,

But knowing WC as well as I do, I deserve it.

[WildChild]

Thanks for the different Point Of View...
I just got a slap on the face with your POV
Thanks

Guess I should listen to myself?
It's hard to give up someone you love and are connected to, especially if at one time it was all that you ever wanted. Having them take it away is a hard thing to accept.

[sourpuss]

You can't fight this, not really. If they see nothing wrong the situation, if they are content, then You are the one with the problem. Your problem may be them or the relationship with them, but it isn't their problem. You want something different, they are content. If they want live a celibate life they should find a partner who wants the same thing but they won't - not as long as the one they are with sticks around. It's a screwy system, it may have worked when people lived to 35 or 40 and let some guy with a shaved head, wearing a dress, who lived a bunch of men, tell them how to think and live. Most of us don't buy that anynore.

She can't change him, no more than you can change your wife or I can change the LOML. We have to either give up part of ourselves and live diminished with them or walk away. Fighting this is like fighting rain, you can expend a lot of energy but it still comes down.

Yeah, true. I'm willing to compromise, for sure. I'm not one to have to have sex everyday. I get just as tired and stressed and there are times when I'm not into it at all. So I feel like we can meet in the middle. But you're right, he sees it as 'my problem'. (He's even said that. Not in a mean way, but he has said it.)

[sourpuss]

Guess I should listen to myself?
It's hard to give up someone you love and are connected to, especially if at one time it was all that you ever wanted. Having them take it away is a hard thing to accept.

So do you just accept it? What do you do in that situation?

[Greydog72]

Guess I should listen to myself?
It's hard to give up someone you love and are connected to, especially if at one time it was all that you ever wanted. Having them take it away is a hard thing to accept.

I agree...Just getting my mind set for the next step.
Separation, Bank accounts, etc. Guess, no one said it would be ez

[pretzel]

So it basically boils down to he knows, he doesn't care, get over it.

Irregardless of all the other things good about the relationship, he's willing (and yes I mean willing) to consciously ignore an aspect of your relationship that is very important to you. I'm sorry, but that is an uncaring and selfish attitude. Continuing with this attitude will lead to resentment and indifference on your part. I know first hand of these feelings.

You're right, this will ultimately end the relationship. But I fear as much as you'd like to think it'll end on good terms, I fear the opposite.

Yeah, true. I'm willing to compromise, for sure. I'm not one to have to have sex everyday. I get just as tired and stressed and there are times when I'm not into it at all. So I feel like we can meet in the middle. But you're right, he sees it as 'my problem'. (He's even said that. Not in a mean way, but he has said it.)

I think I need to rescind this comment from earlier. Sourpuss addressed it with this comment.