[stressed]

(edit)

Again, the original poster knows this but it appears all the rest are just out of touch with what actually took place here. Are any of you married and further, would you call someone who cheated with your own spouse SPECIAL?!

Everybody is special and I wouldn't call her evil or the devil in no sense at all. She wasn't the one cheating on her spouse, he was. She didn't do it alone, he was involved too. Would you call a cheating husband 'special' then? Cheating happens for many reasons, it doesn't just happen because a person made an offer.

Cheaters who want to keep their affair say anything to mess up with the other's mind, this is why it can be hard for the third person to end it. I think all three people involved are to blame up to a point, but most of all I'd blame the cheater, not the third person.

[Ashlee T.]

Joli, pretty sure you haven't read all of the threads. Seems to me you're picking out a few bits and pieces and using them to judge us with.

Because you make a big mistake in life means that you can't be a special person? Means that you can't be a good person who made a very bad decision? Means your destined for a life of doom because you made a mistake? I don't get it.

We're being SUPPORTIVE in a situation in which the OP KNEW she was wrong, acknowledged her blame, and took responsibility for what she had done. Why, please tell me, would the rest of us feel the need to bash her, shame her for her sins, tell her what a bad person she is, an ostrasize her for her actions? She TOOK responsibility. She TOOK the blame. What she needed from us was support in getting through the guilt. She didn't come on here asking us if she was wrong. She already knew that and admited to it.

I don't appreciate the anger and judgement you have inflicted on the people here for simply trying to help someone through a bad situation.

[sexybabe]

I don't understand all of these replies. How would any of you like to be this man's wife? The blame doesn't belong to just one person. It's both of them. She KNEW he was married and had no respect for that-and he violated the marriage. I'm glad the poster vows not to repeat the mistake. That tells me she's taking responsiblity for her part in this. I'd bet this man WILL move on and cheat again. It gets easier and easier when you cheat. The part that is jaw dropping to me is all these consoling pats on the back here. This was wrong for many reasons. Learn from it and move on but do not diminish the error in judgment. I don't believe the poster is diminishing it but all the rest of you are. I congratulate the poster for recognizing what it truly is.

I am so surprised to read all of these comments! I haven't checked this thread for days because I thought no one else would respond. I was particularly disturbed by your comment, Joli. I don't think you even took the time to read the entire thread from the start. I do not appreciate how you bashed all of these WONDERFUL people who consoled me during my difficult times. None of them encouraged me for what I have done, but they all felt how sorry I was for doing what I did. I came here not knowing who else to talk to. I could not talk even to my closest friends for fear of being judged but the people in this forum never judged me. I did a great job beating myself up but these people made me realize that yes, while I committed a terrible mistake, I am not an evil person and I could still move forward from this. They gave me the strength that I needed to resist the temptation of hooking up with this guy again. Read through the rest of the comments and show me who ever said or even implied that what I did was right and commendable. It was actually so nice of StillLearnin to recognize that despite my mistake, I am still a special girl and that I would find my man someday. She was definitely not in any way refering to this man that I slept with!

I hope you get all the facts first before you start judging people here. Because you just bashed all of these wonderful people who dont even know me, yet lovingly encouraged me to learn from this mistake and most of all forgave me and never judged me for what I have done.

[sexybabe]

(edit)

Again, the original poster knows this but it appears all the rest are just out of touch with what actually took place here. Are any of you married and further, would you call someone who cheated with your own spouse SPECIAL?!

I'm sorry to disappoint you but yes they think I am special despite the mistake I have committed and I am glad that people here see that somehow. Have you not committed any mistake in your life, Joli? If you have, does that diminish how special you are as a person? If you are truly sorry for something you have done, would you like people to beat you up further for it? Aren't all the bad feelings burning inside you enough to punish you already? Would you really learn more quickly if people crucified you? Or would you not appreciate being reminded that you are just HUMAN who makes mistakes, but you have everything you need inside you - courage, strength, the grace to move forward from these mistakes? Won't you appreciate loving forgiveness from people and wouldn't that help you forgive yourself, too????

[sexybabe]

Sexybabe..

You've also had posters scared. It seems that as time has gone by your not even remembering his face and are able to move on.

Do it once? Learn from it. Do it again, your not learning.

Yes the wife is a wife. Guys lie through their teeth, to get the prize.

Yes, I feel sorry for the wife, as he tried to even text you after.

Yes, I believe he will do it again and in which case, she has married a cheater.

Yes, I believe that it's your fault to as you were tempted and you acted on that.

I hope you really do mean what you say, that you have learnt.

I meant what I said, everyone makes mistakes. Yes it takes two and you knew what you were doing and that was wrong.

No, no-one has a right to judge you, yes you are special, but what you have done you have to live with and hope it never comes out in the future and I suggest never let it come out, past is past.

If we didn't make mistakes in life we wouldn't learn.. LEARN from it seriously... this is one you never want to repeat

CW, I have moved on from this. He stopped communicating with me and I already deleted his number. I have, without a doubt, learned a lot from this experience, and I NEVER intend to do it again. More than anything, I feel bad for doing something that is against my principles. I regret compromising my values for cheap thrills that gave me termporary relief from my pains. Sometimes, I'd find myself blaming my ex for messing me up this way, for leading me to destroy myself this way, but no.... I am quick to remind myself that he had nothing to do with my decision to sleep with this man. I took full responsibility for my actions, and I'm glad you all felt my sincerity when I tried to reach out for some help. You all gave me the strength that I need to move on from this, and to eventually forgive myself. I still feel bad when I remember what I've done. I still do. And someday when I am a wife, perhaps I will still be reminded of how I was once an "accessory" to a crime committed by another married person. You're right... this is something that I must live with for the rest of my life......

[Wruinin]

Oh gosh, I think you are too strict to yourself. You are not responsible for his marriage. You would be partly responsible if you started a long term sexual affair with him. You got into a situation that was stronger than your principles, but we all do sometimes. I don't think you hurt anyone, except yourself, but you should not hurt yourself any more like this and just forget about it. We can only act responsibly, morally, at the present moment, we cannot change the past and now you are responsible for your acts now, so cheer up. You can be proud of yourself that you have such noble principles and don't want to hurt others.

[sexybabe]

Oh gosh, I think you are too strict to yourself. You are not responsible for his marriage. You would be partly responsible if you started a long term sexual affair with him. You got into a situation that was stronger than your principles, but we all do sometimes. I don't think you hurt anyone, except yourself, but you should not hurt yourself any more like this and just forget about it. We can only act responsibly, morally, at the present moment, we cannot change the past and now you are responsible for your acts now, so cheer up. You can be proud of yourself that you have such noble principles and don't want to hurt others.

The comment of Joli really upset me. I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn't think of the wife enough, yes, and she will never know how sorry I am for what I did to her. I just really hurt myself here. I am working on getting this guy out of my system, because until now I still think about him. But we don't communicate anymore. It's tough you know, because I think I got infatuated with him...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Honey, there will always be a "wife" reading a cheating thread, always..

And, we have to understand that, that could be their worse fear. But, it shook you up to put yourself into a "wife's situation". Do you know what I call that? Caring, loving, & learning, lesson learnt

Don't beat yourself up further, what for? We weren't born perfect, we don't exit this world perfect, but we try hard to become perfect How the heck can we do that if we don't make mistakes?

Temptation is one of the hardest things is it not? Tempted to drink another glass, to gamble, to have a cigarette, to drive faster, to spend another $50 when shopping.. it's natural, normal and whilst some temptations are stronger than others, it doesn't make us worse than someone else.. Weaker maybe but that is because of the state we are in, where we are at, how our past relationship ended, perhaps and the "care" factor for that minute, because we don't care about anyone, ourselves included, at that time..

What you may find that you got infatuated with, was the element of "excitement," danger, idea of going out of the square... That excitement lasts a long time because otherwise, you are not in those situations, so you hang on to that excitement.

So take that information, and look at how you would want to use that in your next relationship, picture the new boyfriend, with an air of excitement about him.

Maybe it's telling you that you don't "definately" want a bad boy, but you do need a little excitement in your life with someone whom also loves you and thinks your special.

Maybe it's time to visualise what type of partner you want this time.

I'm a believer that if you put it out there, you do attract it, once you establish all your worth and who you are, what you want out of life and out of a partner..

So, take that as your lesson.. Not the one your carrying on your shoulders that is worthless to do, because it's over, it's done. That lesson you've learnt, so put it in a big bag, put it over your shoulder, close your eyes and imagine your in the Universe, it's dark and you see a hole. Throw the bag down the hole. It has no use anymore and feel the weight lift.

Keep smiling.. we are here to support you..

I'm glad that your toughing it out, but let it go now and focus on all the good in you and what you want out of life, including a man.

CW

[Guest]

Well dont feel bad for something he did. There are always 2 sides to a story. Maybe she is the poor victim, maybe the wife is a cheater herself, maybe she does not even care anymore about having sex with her husband. Anyway he was the one who married and slept with somone else.

What would you say if a man sleeps with a married woman who is married to an awful man who mistreats her ? You wouldnt think he did something awfully wrong.

[Messymiss]

Perhaps Joli has had a very traumatic experience with a cheater herself. Seems to me there is a raw wound there. I carried one around for quite some time. I do feel sorry for her if that is the case. Hopefully she will take the time to take a breath and think next time.
CW-- I just love all your words, you always make so much sense to me and thanks for all the help you give to me and all our friends here.

Sexybabe-- I am very proud of you for sticking to you guns and having nothing to do with him. Keep it up special girl. xxx