[jns]

When he is back to his normal self, do you think he will be happier if he can believe that he gave you what he could while he was sick? If you have to be the one who initiates to do that, so be it. Help him try to make you happy.

[Msfox]

Hi hopeless dork (cool name btw) I think u have hit the nail on the head there he doesn't have a problem getting and maintaining an erection and is very capable of having sex once I have aroused him that's if he feels like it sometimes he will pleasure me without having sex sometimes we have sex. He is the only msn I have been with who does not wake with an erection, we had a bad day yesterday and said said some hurtful things to each other he told me I am bullying him into having sex and when he came to bed he said come on then get it over with!!! That upset me deeply and I think I must have cried myself to sleep the problem is I don't feel like having sex with him now he has said all that to me. He is also paranoid that I am chatting to znd planning to meet other men. I have told him I will not meet other men, as I love him too much. I work in IT znd am surrounded by men and have to say I get on better with men than gals. I constantly have to reassure him I'm not doing anything behind his back and never will. So after all the arguing he feels useless a waste of space and I feel totally rejected physically he told me yesterday that he wishes he was dead which also really hurt me. I am trying so hard to keep us together it's very draining when you add that to the stress of my job and financial responsibility he can't work as he is off sick with depression I just feel my life is soooooooo it's been like this for months now and it's hard to imagine life with him getting any better. Thanks for your reply it gives me some hope to try and stay positive x

[Msfox]

When he is back to his normal self, do you think he will be happier if he can believe that he gave you what he could while he was sick? If you have to be the one who initiates to do that, so be it. Help him try to make you happy.

Hi jns
I so want him to be back to his normal self just Reading your post made me think back to how wonderful our sex life was and how he used to turn me on by seeing how turned on he was then. I will keep trying but I'm getting so confused now do I approach him to be intimate with me and fear of being rejected or do I go off n satisfy myself in the bath as usual to relive my tension and just keep to cuddles and holding him until he approaches me. If u read my previous post u will see what he said to me yesterday. It's got to the point now that when I have sexual thoughts I tell myself to stop it it's not allowed and I shouldn't be thinking such things. Sorry I didn't answer your question but it's not that simple it is becoming very complex!!

[traceyy]

"the deepest, darkest black hole, where they say people burn"

[A Dying Breed]

"the deepest, darkest black hole, where they say people burn"

Still doesn't do it justice. I now it sounds ridiculous or dramatic, but it honestly feels worse than that. If I had to describe it:

"The most miserable day of your life, every day, each getting worse than the next. You don't get out of bed. You don't eat. Either all you do is sleep or you don't sleep at all. Every day you wonder 'is this the day I'll end it?'. You know that feeling you get when you trip and you're falling but you haven't hit the ground yet, and you get that sort of rush in your neck and head, that makes you scared of what's about to happen next? You have that feeling every second of the day. It's worse than a burning sensation. it's a freezing one. it makes you stop everything. Eventually you know if you keep it up, you'll wither away and die. But you just don't care."

[WildChild]

Msfox, being supportive and trying to help him through this is commendable but it is obviously taking a heavy toll on you and it will accumulate over time. I spent a number of years married to a man with BPD, not the same thing but still dealing with someone who is unstable and very demeaning. It is tough. If at all possible you need a support network. Talk with the local health services or his doctor and find a support group for families and spouses of people dealing with this. You need not only the emotional support from others who truly understand what you are dealing with but also some practical advice on coping skills. You don't want to lose yourself in his illness.

[goose]

Msfox,

I have read this fourm for a while but yours made me join. I had anxietys for bad about 20 years ago. My younger brother had them as well and led me to a book that he had read. I'm not sure if i am allowed to give the name of the book or author but here it goes. The book is hope and help for your nerves it was written by Clarie Weeks. I think you can still find it on line. This book teaches you how to deal with the anxietys with out medication. I have recommend it to many and it has helped. Good luck and if you love him it will help him through this.

[Msfox]

Hi goose I have the book and have read it and yes it's excellent thanks all the same and I'm so glad you have joined the forum it's helping me immensely just writing stuff down and there are some really caring peeps on here x

[Msfox]

Hi wildchild
thanks for your reply u may not have read all the threads but I think my bf has bipolar as he displays all the symptoms he doesn't sleep at night he is either euphoric and crazy and fun like grabbing me in a shop and waltzing me up n down the aisles or he is what I call down a black hole that can last for days weeks that is a very difficult time his latest thing he did was go on a 5 day hunger strike!!! Never know what he will do next. Anyway his gp is rubbish he went along to see her about the sex drive and she just cut his meds in half after a couple if weeks on the low dose he got so bad and took too many sleeping pills so on Easter Monday we ended up at the hospital. I managed to get him a referral through his gp to a mental health team and he has his appt next Thursday. Can you tell me what it was like for you living with your partner who had bpd please x

[Msfox]

Dear dying breed
thank you for your description of how it feels to be suffering with depression I appreciate it although I have never felt that bad myself. I lost my parents very close mum dropped down dead of a heart attack and very soon after my dad developped cancer and was dead six weeks later I think I went into shock and suffered terrible panic attacks and sleepless nights. I remember feeling dreadful and very anxious with heart palpitations and a fear of dying myself it was a tough time I remember taking Prozac which got me through it but would honestly never want to feel like that again!!