[rcoreyus]

Since it sounds like you and he enjoy your sex life, maybe there isn't something missing. Maybe he just likes watching porn. If it isn't interfering with other things, maybe that isn't so bad. If it is interfering, then it is a real problem.

If I use the food analogy to sex: Maybe he wants a quick junk-food snack during the day. If he is still enjoying the fine dinners, and isn't becoming overweight, I don't see any harm. If he is cramming himself full of twinkies and not eating right, that is different.

[StillLearnin]

Sounds like the frequency and variety is there.
This man has a great wife.

[PandaPaws]

I can sooooo relate!!

So i fully understand that most men masterbate. I also am rational enough to know when they do, it's not cause they are not getting "the good stuff" often enough. But here's my problem... I see that he's been looking at porn sites two, maybe three times a day ... it gets to me.
How do I know he's not fantisizing about his porn girls when he's with me? What happened to making love? What happened to having sex to be closer to the one you love instead of just for gradification? Why can't he just be satisfied with what they has?

And knowing he's doing this in secrecy makes me think... what else is he doing when i'm at work? Is he hiding anything else? Where does this addiction stop? Is he talking to girls online? Ya know... if you cross that line... is anything fair game at that point?

Am i insane on this one? Why does it hurt my feelings so much that he WANTS to look at other women doing sexual things? Am I not enough for him? And can anyone tell me if there is anything I can do to make myself not feel so hurt??

I left in the above stuff that I feel the same way on. My guy looks at it, I'd say twice per day on average. And we are very adventurous in bed! I've talked to him about it, and his response is EXACTLY the quote below.

Guys typical response: Porn is no big deal, its what we do, we're men (thump chest) we like to see naked ladies and people having sex. Its normal, get over it.

But it bothers me to no end. I mean, maybe a couple times a week, like a special occasion, fine. But EVERY day? Multiple times? Ugh. I just can't stand it. And it's not even the hard core stuff, I know the type of stuff he likes, we do it and tape ourselves even. But the fact that he is looking at and fantasizing about other women drives me insane.

[stressed]

But the fact that he is looking at and fantasizing about other women drives me insane.

Tell him. You are not meant to accept it just because he says "all men do it". Don't fall for stereotypes.

[PandaPaws]

Tell him. You are not meant to accept it just because he says "all men do it". Don't fall for stereotypes.

I have. He says it's not the women he's even looking at, it's what's going on.

[brownlover]

But it bothers me to no end. I mean, maybe a couple times a week, like a special occasion, fine. But EVERY day? Multiple times? Ugh. I just can't stand it. And it's not even the hard core stuff, I know the type of stuff he likes, we do it and tape ourselves even. But the fact that he is looking at and fantasizing about other women drives me insane.

EXACTLY!! To me, its the same as looking at another woman with lustful eyes! I'd do anything for my man, and if i thought me doing anything was hurting him, i would stop immediately... why is it that men think that its ok for them to be pigs and us women just have to stand by and allow it!

If men are visual creatures and women are more emotion creatures, dont you think they would have a huge problem if we started an emotion relationship with another man on the computer... like say emailing someone??? They would flip out! But we are supposed to just suck it up when they are looking at other women!! How is that different?

[StillLearnin]

why is it that men think that its ok for them to be pigs and us women just have to stand by and allow it!

I know you are ****ed and blowing off steam.
But that's a strong generalization of all men.

[brownlover]

I know you are ****ed and blowing off steam.
But that's a strong generalization of all men.

Oh i know all men are not like that.. i was more referring to mine and Pandapaws situations... Of all of my relationships, this is the first one where porn has been an issue. I've had other men that liked to watch porn with me.. more like a tool for the bedroom. Not like the current situation where it's a one man team.... make sense?

[PandaPaws]

Of all of my relationships, this is the first one where porn has been an issue.

Me too!! He just thinks I'm so insecure, and that many women don't care if their guy watches porn - I said, but many do, and if they knew how often their man was watching it, it would be an issue!

If men are visual creatures and women are more emotion creatures, dont you think they would have a huge problem if we started an emotion relationship with another man on the computer... like say emailing someone??? They would flip out! But we are supposed to just suck it up when they are looking at other women!! How is that different?

Yeah - he did that to me too... Me, and porn, apparently wasn't enough. He had to resort to contact ex "hook ups" to send old videos and pics too - and one reciprocated and they were exchanging pics. I found out a year later (just last month). So, put all that together, and I have major trust issues. And he is a great lier, and has no problem doing it, so I don't even know when he's telling me the truth or not. I'm trying to trust, but really, I don't know how long it will take until I really do, if ever.

[Hopeless Dork]

I've had my share of porn-induced insecurity and heartache, so I can sympathise with everything said. But lucky for me my guy didn't go on the angry defensive when I told him how i felt -- instead he listened to me and tried to understand what was the root of my hurt and I tried to understand what was the root of its place in his life... and together we worked it out.

I don't know if he still looks at it or not, I'm assuming he doesn't because when he did our sex life was not as good as it is now. He was always 'tired', or 'stressed'... but when he gave up the porn time... he has a regained interest and need for me to satisfy him, and it. is. awesome.