[redbull]

Thanks everyone for their replies! I'm hearing that I should have a real sit down conversation with him and figure out his motivation behind watching the porn. I'm taking it in a way that he would prefer it over me and that may not be the case. But that's an answer that only he can give me. All i know is from my male friends that i have, we have an awesome relationship with a great sex life. They all wished they were getting it on a regular basis like we do. But if i can't get to a comfortable place with him on this... tough decisions will have to be made. I won't allow porn to ruin my life and make me feel terrible about myself.

THANKS!!

I watch porn all the time and love my girlfriend very much. I don't know you, so I don't know if he's satisfied with the relationship or not. But the fact the he watches porn in no way necessarily means that he does. It's not because you're not doing enough in bed. It's not because you're not doing it often enough either. It's not your fault at all. But it's not his fault either. Assuming this is a stable and happy relationship he is just looking at porn because it entertains him.

For me, I watch porn because I like the variety and it entertains me sexually. But I don't love those porn stars. In fact, the LAST thing I would want to do is have sex with a porn star. Call me crazy, but I don't like having sex with a revolving door. Yes, the better majority of guys do look at porn. Most women/girls are in denial about that, but they do.

As for the reason why he's doing it in secret: It could be because he knew you would get mad. Which is wrong on his part. But at the same time you can see where he's coming from.

The truth is, if he was with one of those girls in the video he would be on the internet looking at picture of you*. It has nothing to do with you as an individual or anything you did wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. Most of us are just hardwired to want to watch porn. It's a billion dollar industry. To us it doesn't seem wrong because we know that it doesn't take anything away from how we feel about our significant others. My girlfriend know I watch porn. At first she didn't like it. But now she doesn't care. We even watch porn together sometimes. But for the most part she thinks it's "gross".

Another way of looking at it: Do you read romance novels? Do you ever fantasize about other men? Do you like romantic movies? That's like porn for women. But it doesn't take anything away from your relationship with your husband does it?

* You know what I mean.

[redbull]

U should visit psychological doctor and get his advice.

That's the best idea. The internet is good for getting some insight. But it's not a substitute for real professional advice. You should also talk to him about it. No one can really tell you what's right for you. Especially when they don't know both parties and just have a very short description of the events.

[brownlover]

I don't know if he still looks at it or not, I'm assuming he doesn't because when he did our sex life was not as good as it is now. He was always 'tired', or 'stressed'... but when he gave up the porn time... he has a regained interest and need for me to satisfy him, and it. is. awesome.

Hopeless... you are my hero!! Why can't my man be more like yours?? I truely think he doesn't see it as a big deal and when I'm able to find time to get all of my issues on the table (I'm usually asleep when he gets home so i've been storing this up for a grand weekend talk!) i can only hope that he agrees to put the laptop down. If he was looking to me for all of his sexual desires, no matter how vast, I would have no problem obliging! The thought that he is wasting all of his energy and lovin on himself is what makes us in this situation feel so hurt and isolated! Are we not good enough? Are we bad lovers? Are we doing something wrong? But when we hear time and time again that there's nothing wrong with us, something just doesn't add up. If we are enough, then why the need for porn. Why not spend hours looking at my boobs floppin'?? Why not try these positions out on me??

What is so appealing at looking at a women that has been pounded like a nail 5 days a week?? They would never date someone like that! They would never take someone like that home to meet mom and dad... Is it that they are afraid to let their freak flag truely wave??

[brownlover]

To us it doesn't seem wrong because we know that it doesn't take anything away from how we feel about our significant others.

But it is taking something away... if you took all of the time you spent looking at porn and put it towards your mate... whether its in a sexual way or not... it could be taking her to dinner, giving her a back rub, or bumping and grinding on her... it would improve your relationship! You're saying as long as he pleases me it's ok... well i am pleased sexually but that doesn't stop the hurt feelings of knowing he's looking at naked women several times a days.

Another way of looking at it: Do you read romance novels? Do you ever fantasize about other men? Do you like romantic movies? That's like porn for women. But it doesn't take anything away from your relationship with your husband does it?

If my husband ever came to me and told me that me watching romantic movies hurt his feelings, regardless of how insane he sounded.. i would stop. That right there is the difference. Men that look at porn usually think they are entitled to look at it. They think just cause its there, it's ok. But if you have a partner that isn't down with it... is it ok??

[redbull]

Hopeless... you are my hero!! Why can't my man be more like yours?? I truely think he doesn't see it as a big deal and when I'm able to find time to get all of my issues on the table (I'm usually asleep when he gets home so i've been storing this up for a grand weekend talk!) i can only hope that he agrees to put the laptop down. If he was looking to me for all of his sexual desires, no matter how vast, I would have no problem obliging! The thought that he is wasting all of his energy and lovin on himself is what makes us in this situation feel so hurt and isolated! Are we not good enough? Are we bad lovers? Are we doing something wrong? But when we hear time and time again that there's nothing wrong with us, something just doesn't add up. If we are enough, then why the need for porn. Why not spend hours looking at my boobs floppin'?? Why not try these positions out on me??

Well, you're not enough to satisfy his need to look at a bunch of different women. But the point is that neither would the porn star. It's not a reflection on you specifically. It's just a characteristic of his and a lot of men's behavior.

What is so appealing at looking at a women that has been pounded like a nail 5 days a week?? ?

They're very attractive. They sexually excite men, which is why they are hired to star in these videos.

They would never date someone like that! They would never take someone like that home to meet mom and dad... Is it that they are afraid to let their freak flag truely wave??

YES!!! EXACTLY!!! So what are you worried about? You've already won! He loves you, not her.

[redbull]

If my husband ever came to me and told me that me watching romantic movies hurt his feelings, regardless of how insane he sounded.. i would stop. That right there is the difference. Men that look at porn usually think they are entitled to look at it. They think just cause its there, it's ok. But if you have a partner that isn't down with it... is it ok??

I can't speak for his actions from this point on. Now that you've expressed you don't like it it's between the two of you. I'm just saying that I don't think he was wrong to look at porn before you found out. Now it's different. I don't believe it takes anything away at all. I don't have any feelings for any porn star I've ever watched. 30 minutes after I watch the video I can't even remember what they look like. But I still remember all the little things I love about my girlfriend. That never changes.

I can't speak about whether his actions are right or wrong from this point on. No one here can. It's between the two of you only. Even though I don't think you should be upset the bottom line is that you are. So it's going to have to be something that both of you work out between you two.

edit:

It's also not as if when my girlfriend calls me I say "Oh I can't. I have to watch porn". I'd much rather spend time with her. I just watch it when I'm alone. When I'm not with my friends, girlfriend, family, or class. I mean, I lead a regular and normal life. Some people make watching porn seem like it's a drug addiction or something. For me, that couldn't be further from the truth.

[Fallen1]

Well, you're not enough to satisfy his need to look at a bunch of different women.

It's not a NEED ........... it's a WANT.

[stressed]

Well, you're not enough to satisfy his need to look at a bunch of different women. But the point is that neither would the porn star. It's not a reflection on you specifically. It's just a characteristic of his and a lot of men's behavior.

You said it yourself: She is not enough to satisfy a need of his (which I'd call it more of a habit and a socially accepted behaviour than an actual need).

How would you feel if you knew that you cannot satisfy your wife's sexual needs? That she needs to look at other men and masturbate to them to be satisfied? Would you be happy with yourself? Would you feel you're all the man she wants? Would you feel confident that you can satisfy your wife? Or that if she needs to look at other men then maybe you're not man enough for her? That she misses something you cannot give her? And this is not a pleasant feeling, trust me. It gets to your head big time.

They're very attractive. They sexually excite men, which is why they are hired to star in these videos.

Yes, they are attractive (with a ton of make-up on and fake expressions). Do you have to look at them and get an erection just because they are there? Do they knock on your door or do you intentionally seek them? What's wrong with only getting an erection by your partner and not a porn star? Is it boring? Is it any less masculine to do? Do you need to prove to yourself that you are a man, by looking at thousands of different naked women per year? (not you as in 'you', I'm talking in general ).

YES!!! EXACTLY!!! So what are you worried about? You've already won! He loves you, not her.

She's not worried. She's hurt that her man needs to watch naked women on a daily basis. There's a difference.

It's also not as if when my girlfriend calls me I say "Oh I can't. I have to watch porn". I'd much rather spend time with her. I just watch it when I'm alone. When I'm not with my friends, girlfriend, family, or class. I mean, I lead a regular and normal life. Some people make watching porn seem like it's a drug addiction or something. For me, that couldn't be further from the truth.

Let's say that you'd spent a whole month together with your gf in the same house for holidays. Neither of you would have to go anywhere and you wouldn't get a chance to watch porn with her around. Would you miss it? Would you suggest she goes out for a while so you'd get to watch it? Or would you not think of it at all and you'd love to spend all your energy to your girlfriend? This is where the problem starts in many cases. That there are men who'd actually send their woman away to get half an hour alone to watch porn. To me, that's not healthy. If you just watch because you're alone, or have nothing better to do, or you use it as a masturbation enhancement because you got an erection and your partner is not home, then alright. But not, ever, as a preference instead of your partner.

[Hopeless Dork]

My girlfriend know I watch porn. At first she didn't like it. But now she doesn't care.

If she didn't like that you watched it, and now 'doesn't care'... its likely that she just didn't magically feel better about it -- its more likely that she gave up on you. Not gave up on you as a boyfriend, obviously, as she is still with you. But gave up on the hope that you'd be able to choose her feelings over porn.

Its, actually, even more sad than if she was still not liking it, her organic feeling about it because its more like she just felt defeated by it, porn 1 - gf 0, and decided to resign herself to the fact that you will do it this way or that way. Which, honestly, speaks volumes of her love for you... so, at least you have that.

Its a pity your actions didn't also show the same, seeing as how your words seem to show that you do really care a lot for her... just not enough to stop the porn when she didn't like it.

All that being said though, your responses to why you watch it are a lot more comforting than what some guys say about it, and what some girls fear about it.

[redbull]

It's not a NEED ........... it's a WANT.

True. But that's like saying eating cake or drinking your favorite soda is a want. It's true and I agree with you, but it's something that guys (at least me, I'm the only person I can speak for) enjoy.

You said it yourself: She is not enough to satisfy a need of his (which I'd call it more of a habit and a socially accepted behaviour than an actual need).

How would you feel if you knew that you cannot satisfy your wife's sexual needs? That she needs to look at other men and masturbate to them to be satisfied? Would you be happy with yourself? Would you feel you're all the man she wants? Would you feel confident that you can satisfy your wife? Or that if she needs to look at other men then maybe you're not man enough for her? That she misses something you cannot give her? And this is not a pleasant feeling, trust me. It gets to your head big time.

Yeah, she's not able to satisfy one of his needs/wants. But not his sexual need/want. That's the difference. It's perfectly possible that she's satisfying his need/want for love and intimacy and companionship. But at the end of the day he's still going to want to look at porn stars. Because that's just the way he's wired. But it's not as if because he looks at porn he wasn't satisfied with all the needs/wants his wife provided him. For instance, for the sake of argument, let's see he loves basketball and she hates it. So instead he goes to watch basketball with his friends. His friends satisfied a need to go watch the game. But that doesn't mean that the man's isn't the best wife she can be. It just means that there's something that she can't do. So he seeks it out elsewhere.

Now............ as far as cheating goes (because I know where this is headed) when they got married they took a vow to not cheat on each other and made promises to only have sex with each other. Therefore, if the husband were to cheat on the wife he would be 100% wrong because he broke an agreement and he broke the wife's trust. Also, I'm pretty sure my girlfriend does masturbate. I bought her a vibrator once because she was too embarrassed to go into the store and get it herself. I don't see why she would masturbate to me, when we have sex all the time. She probably masturbate to a picture of bradd pitt she found off google or something. lol. I don't know. I don't care. She's with me. Not the vibrator. She hasn't left me for the vibrator.

"Yes, they are attractive (with a ton of make-up on and fake expressions). Do you have to look at them and get an erection just because they are there? Do they knock on your door or do you intentionally seek them? What's wrong with only getting an erection by your partner and not a porn star? Is it boring? Is it any less masculine to do? Do you need to prove to yourself that you are a man, by looking at thousands of different naked women per year? (not you as in 'you', I'm talking in general )."

NO. That's the point. It's not boring having sex with my girlfriend. I love her a lot. I would pick sex with her over a porn star everytime. Because the sex would always be better with her because I lover her. But with a porn star it's just sex, with no feelings. But if you're asking me why I like watching porn, I have no idea. Why do people like the smell of rain? I don't know. It's just the way I am.

She's not worried. She's hurt that her man needs to watch naked women on a daily basis. There's a difference.

There is a difference. But I stand by my original statement. She's worried about how healthy her relationship is going. Either way, the bottom line was the OP didn't like it. Hurt or worried it boils down to the same thing.

Let's say that you'd spent a whole month together with your gf in the same house for holidays. Neither of you would have to go anywhere and you wouldn't get a chance to watch porn with her around. Would you miss it? Would you suggest she goes out for a while so you'd get to watch it? Or would you not think of it at all and you'd love to spend all your energy to your girlfriend? This is where the problem starts in many cases. That there are men who'd actually send their woman away to get half an hour alone to watch porn. To me, that's not healthy. If you just watch because you're alone, or have nothing better to do, or you use it as a masturbation enhancement because you got an erection and your partner is not home, then alright. But not, ever, as a preference instead of your partner.

No. That's ridiculous. Exactly one week ago today I got my laptop back after it was repaired. It had been broken for a month and I didn't watch any porn. It's just like TV. Entertaining, but if you don't have it then so what?

If she didn't like that you watched it, and now 'doesn't care'... its likely that she just didn't magically feel better about it -- its more likely that she gave up on you. Not gave up on you as a boyfriend, obviously, as she is still with you. But gave up on the hope that you'd be able to choose her feelings over porn.

Its, actually, even more sad than if she was still not liking it, her organic feeling about it because its more like she just felt defeated by it, porn 1 - gf 0, and decided to resign herself to the fact that you will do it this way or that way. Which, honestly, speaks volumes of her love for you... so, at least you have that.

Its a pity your actions didn't also show the same, seeing as how your words seem to show that you do really care a lot for her... just not enough to stop the porn when she didn't like it.

All that being said though, your responses to why you watch it are a lot more comforting than what some guys say about it, and what some girls fear about it.

I know that you apparently know everything about me. But just let me explain first. Then you can tell me whether I was wrong or not.

That's not really how the situation unfolded. At first she didn't like it and thought it was gross. But she never said that she didn't like me watching it. She said she doesn't like the videos. I have no idea if that meant she really didn't. She just didn't say one way or the other. Also, I never really brought it up with her again and it was just kind of an out of site out of mined thing for her. Then I took her to a strip club one night because she had never been and some other (girl) friends of hers who were the boyfriends of my friends were going. Of course, she didn't want to go to a strip club all by herself, she wanted her friends there. In fact, I was reluctant to go. It's not that I don't like strip clubs, I just didn't want to spend all the money. But she insisted "because cmon everyone is going and i've always wanted to know what it's like i'll feel awkward if i go by myself cmon who knows when the next time this chance will come please" (or something like that). So we went. Everyone, including her, had a good time. After that she kind of got into porn a little bit. But she still doesn't like it because she doesn't like watching the physical act of penetration. At the strip clubs it's just girls naked. Which she doesn't mind, apparently. She just doesn't like porn. So sometimes we watch it together. But that only happens occasionally.