[PandaPaws]

Panda,

I think you need to relax. Enjoy how it's feeling, concentrate your energy on that area, and just think about how good it feels, be in the moment, etc.

Lots of women (most that I know) are VERY mental when it comes to having an orgasm. I can be really close and then let my mind wander and bam, it's gone. Don't put so much pressure on yourself though because that's distracting almost in itself. When you have an orgasm, you'll know (at least I did) and I don't think you'll be like "that's it?"

I've tried. We even talked about not focusing on that being the goal, but it is really hard to not think about it.

Maybe its a head thing, like you felt ashamed. I am sure your mom knows what you did and she made you wash your fingers so you dont get an infection not because she deemed you unclean or something, but because she did not want you to get sick.
But yeah, just a wild guess. But if you think its psychological see a pro.

Also Kegels seem to help from what I heard.

Yeah, I know, I'm sure that's why she did, but I do think that's probably why I stopped using my own fingers.

i've told many of my friends millions of time that all they have to do is tighten up i can't really explain how to do this, its kind of like when you have to pee and hold it for a while, but try it during sex and i am certain you will come i come every time and sometimes more than once if my hubby isn't tired and can last a while good luck

I do squeeze him sometimes during sex - I do it more for him than me though, I don't think that is going to bring ME personally to an orgasm.

I should try kegals on my own more often though. But I don't really believe those are magic either. I'm pretty much convinced it's a mental thing for me, I just don't know how to get passed it.

Thanks for the replies people!

[JennieMay]

I think what she means by tighting up, is to streach your legs laying on your back and tighten you butt, then this will bring you clitorus out more, then put your finger on your clit and push down while you are going side to side really fast, using your middle finger.

Have fun!

[sexybabe]

I can totally relate to your problem. It only happened to me once with my ex whom I dated for almost 3 years. I was riding him on the couch and I guess it just happened because of the way we were positioned. I got my clit a good rub while I was riding him. And then my very recent ex whom I dated for a year and a half, he NEVER made me cum. Never told him that. Penetration alone can never make me cum, that's always been my problem and I've always wanted to experience that! What I like to do now is to take matters into my own hands and get on with my life after 15-20 minutes

BTW, Im also 29

[Dancer22]

im 22 and im the same,i cant even do it alone. all i feel is a weak 2 second rush which is just boring and i think is that it? the whole thing is over in 10 seconds,from starting to rub to having that weak rush. then its a whole 2 hours before i can even get that again. im desperate to have an orgasm. i dont even bother with boyfriends because i cant satisfy myself,yet alone a bloke. so im still a virgin which i really dont like. i get sick of people saying 'learn what feels good by masterbating' because iv tried and tried but its always the same. and its the same when i use a vibrator on the cliterous too. nothing seems to work.

[jns]

Not every woman can easily orgasm and there seems to be some evidence that some women cannot orgasm at all, either due to physically not being able to or to their mind set. Even when a woman can orgasm, she many times has a formula to do so and either has a hard time or cannot orgasm if she doesn't follow that formula. Men are similar, but most can orgasm at one time or another during their lifetime.

Sometimes women orgasm easiest by their own hand or by themselves with sex aids. On the other hand, I think some women orgasm easiest with a partner who takes his or her time and is observant enough to figure out what works. The sexual tension of being with a partner can heighten the sensations and make it easier to orgasm. And yes, if the woman knows what works for her, she can guide her partner.

From what I have read on many posts, what I have read on other sites, what I have read in books, what I know from my own experience and from philosophizing about the situation, I believe that most young men and boys do not have the patience, focus or touch to make many women orgasm. They don't know what they should be stimulating. They don't know how they should stimulate it. They don't know what else they should stimulate. They are too absorbed in their own orgasm to spend enough time. They don't observe the responses. They don't tailor their touch to the responses.

This is not to say that older men are, as a group, better. However, amongst older men, I believe, it is more possible to find individuals that do know most of the tricks of getting a woman excited and are willing to spend time and effort in getting their woman to orgasm.

[shyone99]

Have you ever tried anal? I NEVER had an orgasm till my bf and I decided to start some anal play. The combination of the anal sex and him reaching around and fingering me was the combination i needed. It was simply amazing. Had i known about it sooner i never would have thought of waiting to try anal.

[PandaPaws]

Have you ever tried anal? I NEVER had an orgasm till my bf and I decided to start some anal play. The combination of the anal sex and him reaching around and fingering me was the combination i needed. It was simply amazing. Had i known about it sooner i never would have thought of waiting to try anal.

I won't do that until I'm married.

[WildChild]

Thought about this. Orgasm Loop is a good book to give a try. I'm trying to figure out what I do. Unfortunately its been a few months since I've had sex but I am readily orgasmic, multi orgasmic and can hardly keep myself from cumming - if I have a partner I'm in tune with.

Masterbating varies more, sometimes I cum very quickly and other times it can take a while. I think emotional/mental factors are critical. You cannot demand yourself into orgasm, too much focus can slow it down or detract from the experience. It isn't always fireworks. Sometimes its a much gentler event and you can have a series of mini orgasms than built to a big climax - or not. Best to just relax and enjoy it.

[kake]

just relax, have a glass of wine, meditate whateve helps you clear the clutter in your brain. once you're there, just enjoy it. regardless of pop culture, orgasm is not the goal of lovemaking. intimacy is. if your guy is stuck on a pass fail due to orgasm achievement...then you might need to educate him a little. Just relax, lovemaking is supposed to fun and relaxing..you'd be surprised what happens when you're not expecting...good luck

[PandaPaws]

I actually have the Orgasm Loop. I saw (probably you) recommended it in some other thread. I read it, but I don't know. I've done so much research on it, and I really think it's just me.
Relaxing would be good... I definitely have a hard time with that.

I'm not giving up hope!