[Fallen1]

The "parent thread" (linked below) these posts originated from was seriously being derailed off it's original subject matter. This thread was created from these posts being split from the original thread so that both subjects could be continued in discussion.

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/25904-sex-drive.html

Supposedly they do exist, but I have yet to meet/talk to another man who doesn't want sex at least once a day. It is in our biology to spread our seed as much as possible...so we are literally always ready to go. I struggle with this everyday because of the situation with my wife.

Do a search of the threads here and you will find many women who come here that are sexually frustrated with their partners. It's not just a male problem it's also a problem for females.

Take a look at this recent thread:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/25849-men-sex-why-they-so-rarely-taken-seriously.html

I thought about this thread when you said you've yet to meet a man that doesn't want sex at least once a day. It has some interesting views on maybe why that is.

[Hopeless Dork]

Do a search of the threads here and you will find many women who come here that are sexually frustrated with their partners. It's not just a male problem it's also a problem for females.

Take a look at this recent thread:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/25849-men-sex-why-they-so-rarely-taken-seriously.html

I thought about this thread when you said you've yet to meet a man that doesn't want sex at least once a day. It has some interesting views on maybe why that is.

You took the words right out of my mouth (or my keyboard rather)!

[TroubledMan]

Ok, so I read through that thread...and I don't really see a difference. Of course there are going to be outliers...but the majority of the time...men are the ones being written off as nymphos, and not emotional beings. I don't want sex constantly...I want to make love, I want to be kissed deeply, I want foreplay and humor and games. 100% of the married men I've talked to about this...friends, and anonymous on the internet feel the same way. That thread is correct that there is a damaging societal stigma that men only want the type of sex you see in pornography. Have all our wives fallen for that trap?

[Fallen1]

Do you honestly believe a man is going to tell his buddy that he's just not into sex?

I have a very high sex drive myself. I would love to have sex at least once a day if not more, but you know what ........... I haven't had sex since Saturday and it's not because of me.

This is the 3rd relationship I've been in where I am the one that is left frustrated.

My first husband (of 18 years) was happy with sex once a week and it was a "wham bam thank you ma'am" kind of sex. I could count on my two hands the times I was pleased by him in the 18 years we were married.

I had a boyfriend in between the two marriages whom I dated for 3 years. He was over 10 years younger than me - in his 20s. I was always left frustrated. He claimed that no one could satisfy me ....... like I was some kind of sex maniac. He said he'd been satisfied with 3/4 times a week.

[TroubledMan]

Do you honestly believe a man is going to tell his buddy that he's just not into sex?

I have a very high sex drive myself. I would love to have sex at least once a day if not more, but you know what ........... I haven't had sex since Saturday and it's not because of me.

This is the 3rd relationship I've been in where I am the one that is left frustrated.

My first husband (of 18 years) was happy with sex once a week and it was a "wham bam thank you ma'am" kind of sex. I could count on my two hands the times I was pleased by him in the 18 years we were married.

I had a boyfriend in between the two marriages whom I dated for 3 years. He was over 10 years younger than me - in his 20s. I was always left frustrated. He claimed that no one could satisfy me ....... like I was some kind of sex maniac. He said he'd been satisfied with 3/4 times a week.

Like I said...there are going to be outliers...and 3 to 4 times a week seems like a pretty decent compromise for your case. In my case...it is 0 times per week. So while you were getting what you wanted most of the time, I am getting none of what I want.

[Fallen1]

Outliers? Wow then I must be extra special to have ran into three in a row in my lifetime.


I still pose this question to you, do you really think a man is going to admit that he just isn't into sex? Do you really think a man is going to sit among his peer/buddies while they all brag and boast about their sex lives and then blurt out he's just not interested and he wishes his mate would just let him be? I honestly don't believe so because of the mere fact that it's deemed unmanly to not want sex.

I don't think you can say that men have a higher sex drive than women. I just think women are not as vocal about their needs and don't put on fronts for their friends to look "manly" (femanine).

I think it's a people issue ......... some people have a higher sex drive than others.

[stressed]

100% of the married men I've talked to about this...friends, and anonymous on the internet feel the same way.

I don't know a single man who would say "nah, you are wrong, not all men think of sex all the time, I know I don't!". Nobody would say that. My fiance brags about our sex life to his mates, talks about how much sex we have, how great it is, and I don't get as much sex I want, we have argued about it MANY times in the past, he knows I want more sex than what he gives me, but he brags about it. His friends think he's so tired every day because we have endless sex.

I'm not saying all men are like my fiance, but come on guys, no man brags about his low sex drive. They all brag about how good they are in bed. Like ADyingBreed said in another thread, men are raised with the mindset of having to be good in bed and want/have a lot of sex, drink beer and play sports. No straight man would say he does neither of those to another man. None.

[Malek]

Before she had some health problems, my wife and I had sex on average of once a day. However, my body was never able to keep up with her. We would have sex so many days in a row it would get to the point where I was so drained I just couldn't anymore and had to rest for a day or two. Even when we were having sex once a day, sometimes more, and using toys as well, I'm not sure I was ever able to completely satisfy her sex drive. In the end I was the one holding us back because my body couldn't handle it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

men are the ones being written off as nymphos, and not emotional beings.

I want to make love, I want to be kissed deeply, I want foreplay and humor and games

I do believe that men do want to make love, they do want to be kissed deeply, they want to know that their "thing" creates a connection, deeply with passion, lust and love and it's them that is doing it, thereby loved.

But, then you said it, they want foreplay, games, humor.

I'm not saying that that is wrong, but that is where it all begins to go pearshape, in my opinion...

1. If the woman is in-secure, she will relate that to porn.
2. If the woman does not get "more of that love/intimacy" as the predominance of sex, then she will see herself as meat.
3. If you are the leader, then you will try to instigate what it is your wanting at that point in time, she may see it as "sex".
4. If she does not feel desired, beautiful, nothing is taboo (apart from boundries), has inhibitions, feels fat, feels that it's just sex, she will never like the "games" as she sees it as sex.
5. Can't shake the beliefs their Mother's instilled - sex is for babies only. Oral is yuck.

The woman you are after, is in every woman.

But, the old saying " it's the person you feel" is true.

If men weren't so shy to show their love, intimacy, outside of the bedroom constantly, making comments that are real, deep, about how beautiful we are, look, for no reason, and allow us to feel that intimacy love, outside and in the bedroom, then they can also through intimacy, have us want to love every part of their body, in love with no inhibitions in the bedroom.

We all let go through "chemistry"... but when that's over, so is the sex as women don't see their partners the same way, rather "friends".

It's bonding, and going alot deeper to the soul of a woman, touching her soul, that will create her to continue to love and be loved, and love you and in that, have a sex life that people dream of.

It's whether the man she is with can bring all of that out in her, or whether she has lost the chemistry and only sees it as sex.

As for games? Positions, sexually expressing, adventure is still togetherness. Toys, on my take of it, is not making love. It's a man wanting to see things that are man made and using them... A woman may use toys on her own, for her needs, but together, it becomes a different thing.. You both have to love that side of life and respect it as "fun" only, not sexual explortation of a woman's body.

What they can do you can do, let's face it...

There is also the factor (sorry) that a lot of men cum quickly and the woman is left not feeling the endorphenes exploding. So, there is also that factor that, they feel you get off they don't why bother attitude which is wrong, if you love someone you compromise and understand.

But, men also need to learn how to "control" and try to put a woman first as much as a woman needs to understand and instigate foreplay, on top, etc, and put her man first as well... Equality.

CW

It's all a mind set,

[WildChild]

I have to chime in on this. I've encountered it many times; men who don't want sex, men who don't want intimacy. They prefer their hand or to be left alone. I'm not an unattractive woman, nor completely unskilled sexually. I've tried everything I can think of.

There have been a variety of reasons from they were having an affair, were warped by religion, had severe hormone problems and emotional issues. I sometimes wonder if there is such a thing as a physically and emotionally healthy male over 30. There has been the talk, straight foreward, I like sex, I want intimacy, I'm multi orgasmic, not into other women or threesomes - it will seem like we're on the same page. But it doesn't last, once a man figures out that a woman actually means it, she does want sex just about anytime, all the time - the men can't run fast enough, they curl up in little ball and go into hiding, can't handle it, that or they turn control freaks (suffer baby, you'll get sex when I feel like it and I don't feel like it) or start becoming abusive and jealous ( I know you want it and you aren't getting from me so you must be getting it someplace else).

Women can't win. If we don't want sex we are cold and frigid. If we do want it we are highly suspect, probably Ho's to be manipulted, controlled and scorned. No wonder so many women just give up.

This isn't an outlier deal, I know quite a few women who deal with this. They don't get a fraction of the sex they want. And when they do get it, it's all his way or the highway.

Men talk big but not many can live up to it. The truth is that both genders has techical difficulites, men at least don't have side effects of BC or pregnancy to deal with, both have emotional challenges and both have been saddled with bizzare societal conventions that serve neither.