[CHANDLERS WISH]

Good point CW. Summed up nicely. The good thing about this website is that we get to know more about how the other sex's needs/fears/thoughts etc etc.

x

You know Thomas, I figure it must be very difficult for the man...

If he can perform for along time, he's in trouble in her eyes if she is not understanding, if she looses her wetness and if he can not perform for along time, then he's in trouble again, if she is not understanding because, he can't keep it up long enough.

The point I was making Was, it is his thing... and he has to perform, and that must be hard especially at the beginning of any relationship, to please, pleasure, feel manly, last longer..

But, on the other coin, yes, sometimes we feel like sugar, I'm horny and want that thing But, he does sometimes say na, tired.. and we do feel rejected and we do wonder if we can ask ... so the playful, teeze is the only way we can tell? And, we can muck around after and say, "na, I was just wanting to see if I could get you up, I'm not horny, it was just a bit of fun" a way out I guess

But, I'm glad I am a woman... it is easier... But I do understand that we have to give as well, it's only fair, it's understandable that you perform, use your muscles and work to keep it alive, you know, that thingy

CW

Good point CW. Summed up nicely. The good thing about this website is that we get to know more about how the other sex's needs/fears/thoughts etc etc.

x

[CHANDLERS WISH]

the pressure seems to be on the man to make sex work.

I wonder how many women like to be in control, not on occasions, but generally, and how many women, prefer "a man" and therefore, whilst foreplay is still involved, naturally, he is the one that has to make it work, it's his thingy and it therefore has to perform

IDK, remember, that alot of men don't give signals as to "it's okay to ask, I'll give" and also, sometimes, when asked " na, I'm tired" comes out and so they feel rejected, which is still part of "making sex work", because if this is a genuine fear, all she will do is "pretend", joke around and see if he recipitates and therefore, sex occurs.

But, ultimately we know that it's up to him, the man, it's his thing after all.

Also, it's not our fault that someone decided that we have to enjoy it, feel loads of excitement, when that thing is inside, in order to have babies So, it's not our fault that we can be like an ever ready battery and keep going and going and going and going

But jokes aside, I do get that it's our job I think, to remember, that it's tiring and requires effort and there is nothing wrong with sharing and ensuring that a man can lay there as well and enjoy... at least until we get tired and can't anymore And, then we need to start the gym so we can be more accomodating sometimes...

So, I say, it sucks being a woman as well because we want to be equal but we weren't born to do that part you lot were.....

CW

I take your point Little about the "seducing" of the men. As you say, this could be a cultural issue that greater or lesser wherever you go.But it's actually not what I was saying. What I was saying is that in a relationship , the pressure seems to be on the man to make sex work.Certainly here, if you read the agony columns (I try not to often) always put the pressure for the completetion of the sex act on the man. For example, if a man has an erection problem, a doctor or counsellor doesn't first ask the woman what she might have done wrong? Do you see what I mean ?You're right though, the woman's sexuality is very confusing. Often she can't do right by whatever she does. And, if my partner asked me for sex, nearly always the answer would be yes. Again I think this shows how emanicipated the ladies are that read these threads.But we've all been brought up in different cultures, even in the same country, so therefore our attitudes and experiences vary.

[ItsASecret]

I'll tell you why - science doesn't find it important. It's much more important to pump our bodies full of hormones, warping them in ways we can't begin to pinpoint yet, so that women cannot tie men down by bearing children ... but that ruin the woman's sex drive for the sake of the man's.

Sorry but I have to butt in, science does find it important because the word Money is delightful to the pharmaceutical companies...they want that 'arousal/orgasm' pill created and patented a.s.a.p. As for the hormone (p.s not actually hormones) birth control pill that "warps" the body...well it has become a necessity to many. The age ol' "it doesn't affect everyone in the same way" trumps a lot when it comes to explaining those particular matters. But I do understand what you mean when it comes to the rising problem that so many women are unfortunately experiencing with these drugs.

[Little]

Not necessarily that they do all the work, but have you noticed how society puts all the pressure on men? If a man can't get an erection that's his problem and he must sort it out.If a woman is not sufficiently aroused, again, that's because he has not given her enough attention to get her aroused. I wonder just what women are supposed to be responsible for if the man is responsible for getting both bodies aroused ??

You're joking, right? Is this sarcasm?
I live in the American South, but I've been all around the US, parts of Europe and Latin America ... I'll tell you a story about my workplace and you may think it's a regional peculiarity, but I promise you I've encountered similar stereotypes in every region I've lived in.
A woman I work with and a married male manager were found in an area of the store one morning engaging in a sexual act. The male manager, after an "investigation," is no longer employed there (nobody in the store knows if he was fired or quit, or under what circumstances, though it was confirmed to have something to do with the incident.) About a month after the first male manager left, another married male manager also left ... there was a rumor from a few years ago that they had an inappropriate relationship, but nothing recently. The second manager made lots of mistakes in his job and I personally put in a complaint at his mishandling of an HR issue concerning my pregnancy. Getting to the point:
This woman has taken all the blame from the other workers at her level (non-management.) She is said to have "seduced" these two men ... it's also said that, as she's still employed with the company, she will eventually "get someone else in trouble." There is zero consideration that she might have been coerced into that relationship (I don't believe that a truly equal relationship between a boss and a worker can happen,) or that either of the men were willing participants or initiators. The pity is for the married men, their wives and their children. The responsibility is put on the (single) woman, 100%. There is no 50/50 split. The woman is a "ho," and the man is a victim.
This kind of thinking is pervasive. It happens everywhere and can only change SLOWLY. There is a whole complex (the Madonna-"ho" Complex) in psychology for it, a whole concept created in Latin American culture study for it (Ave v. Eva, or marianismo.)
If a man has problems with his erections - and has enough sense to overcome his pride - he can go to the doctor and, hey, here's a pill. Problem solved. If a woman has problems with her orgasms - "well, you should just try harder, or not try so hard, or you have to relax, or your partner must not be good enough, try with me" ... and when none of those work, "OH WELL! You must just be frigid, I don't know." Even in our pharmaceutical-driven society, there isn't a pill yet to help women reach orgasm? I'll tell you why - science doesn't find it important. It's much more important to pump our bodies full of hormones, warping them in ways we can't begin to pinpoint yet, so that women cannot tie men down by bearing children ... but that ruin the woman's sex drive for the sake of the man's.
I don't know what kind of women you're having relations with, but I will give you a 100% guarantee that there are men who are just as irresponsible for their own pleasure. The thousands of threads about mismatched desire will tell you that, and I will tell you I've been with one myself. It's not a gender thing, it's a personal issue.

[WildChild]

Well, Thomas, you have to keep in mind that for many generations men co-oped sex as their domain. "Good" women just tollerated it as a "marital duty". Depending on where they were,women had few or no options to support themselves and in much of the world including the US, women could not legally own anything, including the clothes on their bodies.

There are still people who believe that women brought sin into the world and are essentially just vessels for a man's seed. With generation upon generation raised with this, it will not vanish over night. Especially not with groups such as Focus on the Family, excuse me, their new name is Citizen Link, and other conservative groups working to "restore" "traditional values".

In many ways women can't win, if we are sexual, sensual and sexually active, we are HOs or at least highly suspect. If we are "good" and keep our sexual awareness and desires supressed and unacted upon, then we are frigid. Women get really mixed messages and for many women the only way they can enjoy sex is to pretty much completely disavow any responsibilty or action sexually. There are men who reinforce this whether they realize or or not. The man in my life sends very mixed messages, most attempts on my part to initiate sex cause him to feel "pressured" but if I quit any initiation then he thinks I don't want him. WT? What am I supposed to do?

This is going to take conscious behavior and effort to create change along with a lot of communication and education.

Not necessarily that they do all the work, but have you noticed how society puts all the pressure on men? If a man can't get an erection that's his problem and he must sort it out.If a woman is not sufficiently aroused, again, that's because he has not given her enough attention to get her aroused. I wonder just what women are supposed to be responsible for if the man is responsible for getting both bodies aroused ??

[Fallen1]

I told my fiance once that men do all the work and got a 5 minute lecture about how hard it is to hold your legs open while having a man's pelvic bone repeatedly smacking you.

Do we have another who thinks men do all the work? I do hope you were just kidding around with her and don't actually believe that.

I think you'll find that is not the case here among us ladies.

[darcdante]

I told my fiance once that men do all the work and got a 5 minute lecture about how hard it is to hold your legs open while having a man's pelvic bone repeatedly smacking you.

My fault too for saying I'm not a huge fan of having the woman on top because I'm paranoid of penis fractures. And for smoking. Smoking kills stamina, which makes any man's job ten times harder in bed.