[Hopeless Dork]

I really hope your wife is an asexual woman, Jayson... otherwise your lack of concern as to how she is getting her needs met is fairly troubling. Obviously there is something satisfactory for her in the relationship for her to have stuck it out with someone that isn't passionate with her.

For some women sex just isnt as big of a deal as it is for others. Some prefer security, be it financial or just general caretaking. In fact, I've known some women that are not attracted to or even repulsed by their husbands sexually and would much prefer they masturbate or cheat than to have to be with them. And I feel so sorry for their partners when I hear them talk, but it takes all kinds. They would be perfectly suited with a guy that wanted a relationship, but preferred to masturbate etc.

Different strokes for different folks, no pun intended!! I think the most important thing is compatibility. A sexual woman with the need for physical attention is obviously suited for a certain kind of man, and a woman that doesn't care for sex is suited for another. Same for a man that prefers masturbation, I don't think he should be doomed to spend his life alone, just hopefully he finds someone that doesn't need him sexually.

[Jayson]

Hi, well I'm not sure if she masturbates or not. We don't really discuss it. I guess she does but I'm really not sure. To answer your other question. After the first year I realized that in order to have some kind of decent sex life we both needed to be able to have sex with people outside the marriage. But when I suggested an open marriage to her she would have none of it. I tried explaining that there was no danger that I would get involved in a relationship with anyone else (if that was what she feared would happen in such an open arrangement) because the very reason I suggested an open marriage in the first place is that I couldn't function sexually with the same woman more than a few times. But she still didn't want to do it.

I'll admit I have strayed briefly twice in the last 20 years (4 sexual encounters altogether) but mostly I have abided by her wishes and turned to masturbation in lieu of any kind of outside the marriage partner sex.

[jns]

Jayson, what about your wife? Has she chosen masturbation as a way to get the release she wants? Or are you alright with her getting her release in a loving relationship with another guy?

[Jayson]

I'm a man, and a husband who prefers masturbation to partner sex. I have always had a very low sexual boredom threshold. Even when I was single I would find myself losing sexual desire for any given woman I was dating after two or three sexual encounters. If I attempted to continue in the relationship my body would start to rebel and I would lose the ability to function sexually with that person. So I would move on to someone new and my sexual functioning would return for a little while then the whole process would repeat itself. I often liked these women I dated enough to want to have some kind of ongoing relationship but when the sexual boredom would kick in and I would lose desire hanging around would just mean a lot of questions which I couldn't answer. What was I going to say? "I like you a lot but I am bored of having sex with you"

I really wasn't all that bothered about this need for being in a new relationship in order to be sexually functional when I was single and this went on for almost 15 years before I finally got married and, of course, it happened with my wife. We decided to try and find out what was going on and spent years going to therapists but none were able to help.

So I think there are probably a lot of guys like me out there who find sex in a long term relationship difficult. For us masturbation is quick, easy and there is never any boredom or loss of sexual desire. Masturbation means no embarrassing questions, no recrimination and no sexual disappointments.

So if I had to give an answer as to why some men prefer masturbation it is that partner sex, while the skin to skin contact feels good, is generally unpleasant and stressful for some guys and moving from woman to woman every month is order to have enjoyable sex is hard work and, as we get older, it is just simpler to take care of ourselves.

I bought a pornographic video (this was back in the days when pornography was not as readily available on the internet) and didn't return it in time. The video store called my house and my wife answered the phone. She was upset to the extreme. It didn't stop me completely but shortly afterwards when I started to become really serious about my faith, I prayed to Jehovah when after my work day was over I wanted to look at pornography and masturbate and he immediately took my desire away. I was frightened at first because I had never gotten an immediate response like that, but that was what happened.

Years later I had a slip-up here and there, but it was never habitual like when I was single or the early part of my marriage. It really helps that I have a wife that makes love whenever I want to, but it was God that broke the habit.

Thank you for your testimony. It helps me to read it, and to have a reminder that God answers prayers.

that's what im a start doing anytime im tempted im a intensely pray to Yeshua and keep praying until my temptation goes away

[darcdante]

I bought a pornographic video (this was back in the days when pornography was not as readily available on the internet) and didn't return it in time. The video store called my house and my wife answered the phone. She was upset to the extreme. It didn't stop me completely but shortly afterwards when I started to become really serious about my faith, I prayed to Jehovah when after my work day was over I wanted to look at pornography and masturbate and he immediately took my desire away. I was frightened at first because I had never gotten an immediate response like that, but that was what happened.

Years later I had a slip-up here and there, but it was never habitual like when I was single or the early part of my marriage. It really helps that I have a wife that makes love whenever I want to, but it was God that broke the habit.

Thank you for your testimony. It helps me to read it, and to have a reminder that God answers prayers.

[Stillness]

I don't I beat off once this week and I don't ever want to do it again nor look at porn because it messes up your mind when it comes to sex

Good.

I found it didn't mess me up so much when it came to sex, but I felt physically and mentally weaker...like I literally could not function as well. I don't hear people mention that, so I wonder if it was just me. Real sex has the opposite effect on me.

I bought a pornographic video (this was back in the days when pornography was not as readily available on the internet) and didn't return it in time. The video store called my house and my wife answered the phone. She was upset to the extreme. It didn't stop me completely but shortly afterwards when I started to become really serious about my faith, I prayed to Jehovah when after my work day was over I wanted to look at pornography and masturbate and he immediately took my desire away. I was frightened at first because I had never gotten an immediate response like that, but that was what happened.

Years later I had a slip-up here and there, but it was never habitual like when I was single or the early part of my marriage. It really helps that I have a wife that makes love whenever I want to, but it was God that broke the habit.

thats what i need to do now a days I just am more discipline on the computer because it u wander around on the internet porn will find you so I only go on for business sports and this I kinda need a support buddy for this I don't I beat off once this week and I don't ever want to do it again nor look at porn because it messes up your mind when it comes to sex

[Stillness]

how did u quit masterbating

I bought a pornographic video (this was back in the days when pornography was not as readily available on the internet) and didn't return it in time. The video store called my house and my wife answered the phone. She was upset to the extreme. It didn't stop me completely but shortly afterwards when I started to become really serious about my faith, I prayed to Jehovah when after my work day was over I wanted to look at pornography and masturbate and he immediately took my desire away. I was frightened at first because I had never gotten an immediate response like that, but that was what happened.

Years later I had a slip-up here and there, but it was never habitual like when I was single or the early part of my marriage. It really helps that I have a wife that makes love whenever I want to, but it was God that broke the habit.

Hey. John. Welcome.

I'm not an atheist, but actually agree a lot with your sentiment. I don't think marriage, sex, and children are necessary to lead a fulfilling life. Anybody who tries to push it on you (as people tend to do when you don't fit in the little box they'd like) probably doesn't know what they're talking about. All of the dysfunction and divorce surrounding us testifies to the fact that it's not an easy endeavor.

I will say that the fantastic love you mention has been written about, talked about, and sung about a lot longer than Hollywood in every culture on this planet. That's because it's real. It's probably one of the more intense feelings, but it's also inferior to other deeper kinds of love when it comes to relationships. Some cultures even have different words for it, like the greek "eros," from whence we get "erotic." In English we generally have one word which is where we get confusing statements like, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." The erotic love, when coupled with the other types love can be powerfully moving. But with just the latter a single person can find fulfillment.

That being said I do think masturbation, especially coupled with pornography as it commonly is nowadays, is harmful. As someone who did it quite a bit when I was single and at times during my marriage, I find it unsatisfying and counterproductive. I never felt entirely good after masturbation, even if I felt relieved temporarily. I could easily see too much of that leading to a selfish mentality and unhealthy views about other people. I think a person is better off cutting out sexuality altogether or just finding a good mate if they can.

how did u quit masterbating I really want to stop that and looking at porn H*LL i even down to go see a hypnotist about the matter