[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have enough problems of my own.

Futureboy, you know 1) your entitled to your own opinion, 2) it's a sensitive subject 3) how about starting your own thread, what's wrong? You know we are here.

[ocularone]

Well i think this is as good a time as any for me to return to voice my opinion ;-) My thoughts on this are probably completely different than most guys. First of all i just dont see any GOOD reason for a guy to have and/or use pornography when he is in a commited relationship. There are TONS of points of view on this and i think you will see MANY guys disagree with me. Many points made in the defense of pornography are, in MY OPINION, just someone being selfish and justifying something that they know isn't right. Let's take a step back and not even ask ourselves "Is it right or wrong?" because honestly, that question is completely subjective to each individuals point of vew, lifestyle, religious beliefs, ect.. What i consider to be a better question to ask is: "Is this wise?". I find myself asking this question ALL THE TIME with decisions i make in my relationship with my girlfriend. Because right or wrong..i want to do what is best for the health of my relationship..NO EXCEPTIONS. So is looking at porn (we wont even get into the whole ex-girlfriend pics and bes friend facebook pics which is just creepy) right or wrong? Everyone will have a different opinion. But is it wise?? ahhhh well see that's an easy one. I highly doubt there is anyone in the world who could truthfully say to themselves that they would not be hurt/uncomfortable with the knowledge that their S.O is viewing other men or women for sexual satisfaction ot stimulation. It would absolutely break my heart..So if you know it would cause them to be uncomfortable or feel bad about themselves..why would you subject them to such feelings? Why would you want to make your girlfriend or boyfriends heart sink? I hate even the THOUGHT of my GF feeling that way. I always want her to KNOW..not just assume..BUT KNOW by my actions that she is the only one for me...emotionally, and sexually. Anyways i am rambling but i hope this helps some women who just sit back and let that pit in their stomach happen because they think we guy NEED porn or something..that "It's just a guy thing" because honestly- It's a bunch of BS made up so we don't have to stop looking at it. I know i'll get a lot of flak on this but it's my strong opinion but i realize that's all it is. That is my disclaimer ;-) THIS WAS ALL MY (very very strong) OPINION

[stressed]

This post made me teary eyed. I'm so proud of you.

[Joey]

Ocularone, you may in fact be the guy of every girls dreams!

[Texinator]

Anyways i am rambling but i hope this helps some women who just sit back and let that pit in their stomach happen because they think we guy NEED porn or something..that "It's just a guy thing" because honestly- It's a bunch of BS made up so we don't have to stop looking at it.

I agree, guys don't need porn. Sure, it's one thing if they like to look at porn together or even if he wants to look and she honestly doesn't mind, but if a guy insists on looking at porn despite her objections or if he goes out of his way to hide his viewing habits cause he knows she ain't gonna be too happy, then I reckon there's a bigger problem. Either he's stuck with a habit from his single days or, more than likely, he's got emotional attachment issues or is just an inconsiderate rear orifice.

[Joey]

my boyfriend is 32, im 24. he uses porn in mags and the occasional website. (i recently found that he generally looks at solitary women performing sexual acts on themselves.) Before he met me, he went through a 5 year period with no girlfriend and no sex - so i can see to an extent why he turned to porn through that time. I guess im just being mildly selfish in the sense of now that im in his life, and 'rescued' him from his long time without anything, that i want to be the only object of his affection - not these porn stars anymore. but like said above - im guessing that it just stems from his single days. his very single days!!

[stressed]

I guess im just being mildly selfish in the sense of now that im in his life, and 'rescued' him from his long time without anything, that i want to be the only object of his affection - not these porn stars anymore. but like said above - im guessing that it just stems from his single days. his very single days!!

Of course it's from their single days, but you're not being selfish at all if that's what you want. It's what most women expect of their men, to be sexually enough for them. Isn't 'he' being selfish by wanting to drag on a habit from his single days? Especially when it bothers you?

My SO had been doing this for 7 years as single and it wasn't easy to make him understand, it took years of discussions. But he's stopped with it, as he's said he neither wants to do anything that would hurt me, nor feels he misses it. My trust and peace of mind are more important than porn to him. If my stubborn guy can do it then any other man can. He even kept on watching when I first mentioned it bothered me because he hated the idea of having a girlfriend who'd change him even in the slightest. But after seeing how worth it is and understood what an affect it had on me he's become more of a team player. He never asked for a sexual favour during the weekdays when he watched porn, now he asks almost every day. So, of course he has no reason to miss porn and neither do I. To keep watching would only be out of stubbornness.

Both partners can change a little bit for each other, there is no harm in that. As long as it goes both ways, neither feels controlled and there's a lot of communication going on. Both are in the same team and only want the best for each other. To insist on a habit that hurts your SO is only against the relationship and your own self.

[LilahX]

I highly doubt there is anyone in the world who could truthfully say to themselves that they would not be hurt/uncomfortable with the knowledge that their S.O is viewing other men or women for sexual satisfaction ot stimulation

You obviously don't know what goes on in the world then Ocularone. There are many of us in secure, loving relationships who find watching or talking about other people having sex very arousing. That we can share this together brings us closer and we know it has no bearing on our attraction or emotional connection with each other and that we don't have to hide this 'interest'. Pesonally my partner isn't into porn, but ifhe was it wouldn't bother me as he would either tell me about what he'd been watching, or we'd watch it together.

Everyone is different and while I agree no one should do something which hurts their partner, it's a two way street and the other partner should take the time and effort to understand why their partner enjoys this and that it doesn't diminish their feelings for you.

[Guest]

Point well made Lilahx. I know I gave the impression that porn was harmless before, but I was just trying to make a point that it is better to have a man who occasionally looks at porn but still loves you and only has sex with you. I personally don't like porn but understand how some men can find it a turn on. Obviously it's better if both partners use it as a stimulus.

[ocularone]

You obviously don't know what goes on in the world then Ocularone.

I guess i should have said the VAST MAJORITY of people. Sorry for generalizing. If that is somehting that both parties mutually enjoy in a relationship then i guess that is really good for them. I know i never could and i believe the MAJORITY of people feel the same way.