[C]

A man's sex drive gets worse as he ages...I mean MUCH worse...What they have when they are young just plain dies off. This has to be one of the most confusing times in life that a sexual woman faces....I know, I am one too, but my husband is older. Some men start this as early as their late 20's...Already getting into their middle 30's, many do not last as long...Put them in their 40's and they see it happening too. Then it becomes their own sexual fear setting in and they know it and so do we.

I have gone all these phases with my husband and woe be it the woman who thinks that they do not change for she will be in for one big surprise...It is during these times that we must take action as a woman to help them out.

We women can make love all the time...I could easily go two to three times a day because what we have does not tire out...It gets more erotic with the touching and filling of man....The more we get the better we love it...BUT he has to do all this work on a partner....Bring her to orgasm with foreplay and yet try to keep himself hard for her....Here is where the trouble comes in.....It is easier for some to masturbate and take care of themselves then to service us women......Don't let it die off because it is a struggle to find it again...Take care, Caroline

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hystorm

I went back and read your thread.

Wow 5 years of contact bliss? In married life, yep you deserve a medal both of you. That is probably a record, where sexual drive is concerned.

I also noted that you mentioned her little, moans, well sorry sometimes unless we are WOMAN, well, we can only give so much as we are scared.... That was at the beginning before you married so, i can recall trying to be reserve myself when i was far from it, and did the same... If only..........

I read the whole thread, including my reply.. We are such self conscious creates, truly, and i guess if she feels to open it is not a matter of needing a bigger size now, i think. It's that she is self conscious and doesn't feel it due to wetness etc etc as she used to and it is obviously playing on her.

I am lucky i suppose i seem to alway be a Virgin which i know you can relate to, well till now, i don't know once this man does his deed of long passionate love making i may open to, but then again, i have not had children so probably not, i can not relate to that side and won't pretend to.

I have heard of all these excerises here but more importantly i remember being taught how to "hold a man" inside of me, by a body builder, tried it and well it works, so same principal, practice practice practice, to have those muscles tighten..

If maybe you can convince her that there is a way she can tighten more again and it will be back to where it was, and research that side?

She seems to want to, but just maybe feels lost there...

I know that alot will question my relationship i mean, haven't met him yet but at the same time, a woman can detect from her intution if not blinded by "love" which he has never done, the sincerity.

I am blessed, i do believe not that i am nieve, because it is sensible to know that well, where we stand... But, i do know, from our conversations and that is all that matters is that he has not strayed in 5 months but has wanted badly to fulfill those urges, but well is waiting.

I am tempted myself after this to say, well it will be another 5 months before we can be together, do, wear a condom, i mean, men are men, they need it masturbation is well, you can only do so much, i can cope but a man?

I know that this may not be right in your books but, 17 years married, always in the sexual like you, but she was well like him?

3 years parted. By the way, she was from what i can gather, a shrued business person and he worked a normal life good one, but normal, she wanted him to leave England but he did not want to. She is now with a man with "money" and they are good friends and she has said that they do not have the sexuality that "he and her had" and she misses that...

Well money is money!

He is 48 and i can tell you two would be identical in the sexual department, you are 40? 42?

So i believe that it is, the partners matching, nothing more nothing les where sexuality is concerned.

Some can get it to climax back to where it was, and some can't but if it was truly there in reality to start with, not, Control, then it can come back i believe.

Gee, i was in a 14 year on of relationship, i was i think to strong for him, i am a business person, and i am to strong for most, and most women hate me as well, power.

But, sexually? He was the best, yet, i know this guy is "better" and well, do what you have to and find to get it back because in your instance, she seems to only be worried in my "opinion" about opening up to much when you both do and loses the feel, so what's the point?

Well there is one and she can control the muscles through constant excercise if she is pointed back to what it would be like again, she may very well be willing to.

Now, of course you can say that's hearsay, but it's not, i practised what that lady said, appreciate i have not had children but as i said, i am a Virgin when entered.....

Ahhh sometimes i hate being honest....

BUt then again, a devil if he does it right........

Hope that helps...


CW

[Hystorm]

I'm 41 and as horny as I was at 18!

Also, I am now bald. The avatar pic of me was when we first were married, roughly 14 years ago, wow does time fly. I began loosing my hair about...well, 5 years after marriage!
Hummm...possible connection. It was her idea for me to shave it all off. I have been razor shaving every other day since then. Now just have a gotee.

Anyway, there is an old saying...bald men make the best lovers. I think its true due to the fact that the reason we loose hair is too much testosterone! Therefore, we are always horny. Next bald guy you see just know he is the aggresor in the relationship. I actually hope I never loose my drive although it would sure help life!

Chou.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well you have made a bit of sense there regarding testosterone, so i'll remember the bald guy bit, if i need it later in life or earlier!!!

I actually noted the photo? Wasn't on before i didn't think, when i first ventured here....I thought it was one of those click and add ones.... Always good to put a photo to a name.

May do later, pending on what happens from here....

Guess it's true then, it's all about our make up, you were born with it, as you had too much testosterone......

Mmm... Never mind, we all will just keeping working on it hey...



CW

[stepmom13]

libido over drive

married 13 years and i hear ya, i want it all the time. really we are only 7 years apart. so i'm younger so what! i want to keep him young too.
isn't that a turn on guys to have your wife waiting for u in bed naked, isn't it a great ego boost that we still feel that sexual desire for you.
i'm exhausted though trying to get my libido with his, and when i dont get it, i take care of it myself. we have had fights in the past about me feeling rejected . i like heavy petting but dont seem to get it, even though at times i get busy a nice quickie is ok now and again.

but if i feel that i'm constantly chasing u, sooner or later i'm gonna stop
i really feel very sexaul at my age but dont feel reciprocated
so what is the alternative? divorce?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sex is only one part of our makeup an absolutely important one at that, as with it is passion and lust, desire and without those "even a little bit", then there is no marriage, there is friendship.

As long as there is still sexual chemistry even once a month, then there should be a bit of laughter and conversation and togetherness in a marriage that at least people can work on, or accept.

No, i don't think it means you get a divorce.

But, if there is absolutely nothing, a cold wet fish, no communication at all, no friendship, then perhaps the cup has runith dry full stop, and well friendship alone can not make someone happy however, if you have been together for 40 years? From the start and at some stage it fizzles your friendship and a kiss, can be all that you need.

Each person to their own there i think but it should never be a one way "selfish" thing that indeed is the only thing i get peeved with when reading about sex here... People should always try, or compromise.

It is the non compromise in all aspects, not just sexual that can disolve a marriage very quickly.

My thoughts only of course.

CW

[Freespirit]

I think maybe WE'RE the normal ones

Astarra,
I have been working on this issue with my husband, whom I adore, for the last five years (almost our entire relationship). Due to his chronic pain from an injury, we can make love maybe once a month. But that is a long story.

The thing is, for the short time we were together before he was hurt, we didn't have sex as much as I would've liked either(for me every day would be ideal; for him once a week was par for the course): he had roommates, we both worked a lot, other reasons came up. However, now I think that no matter what other reasons exist(ed), we also have very different libidos and expectations about sex.

From this forum and from talking to others, I'm starting to believe that women not just sometimes but OFTEN have higher libidos than their male partners. (This problem probably always existed but we were only were able to let our desires come out to be seen in more recent years.) Societal views of "manliness" and media portrayals of men-as-sex-beasts skew this reality (and maybe make some men feel pressured into being the instigator more than they'd like to admit.).

Dealing with pent-up desire and especially the hurt I feel from "rejection" has made me closely examine my motives and attitudes about sex. Yes, I feel physically attracted to my husband and physically ready-to-go in general quite a bit. But I also think some of my lust has to do with being validated as sexually attractive. When I am "rejected" because he is hurting too much I feel personally affronted: it really feels no different to me than if he were in perfect health and said he wasn't in the mood. I've realized that I expect him to want sex always and never pass up the chance simply because he is male. Really, this is no different than him expecting me to do X or Y or Z simply because I am female, something I'd find archaic and offensive.

I also realized that, as in a past purely-sexual relationship of mine, I was viewing being wanted sexually as an esteem-builder-- sometimes even a BASIS for my self-esteem. I was so instilled with the notion that all men will do it at the drop of a hat anytime, anywhere, that when my "booty-call" wasn't answered I thought instinctively it was ME they were rejecting or finding unattractive. I'd get VERY cranky and hurt.

I think it is great that one of the post-ers here has been able to enhance her husband's libido, but I think it's possible to put too much stock in our ability to turn them around(aka Sex and the City-let-down syndrome). As it is with women, sex --and esp. making love-- is a complicated emotional thing as well as a physical act layered with many many expectations for MEN too. I really think we (men and women) have been programmed to take the male hyper-libido for granted and think something is terribly wrong physically or with our relationship when things turn out differently. Of course some men ALWAYS want it and some women NEVER do--but the converse is also true and probably all shades of gray in between!

Anyway, realizing how that colors my reactions has helped me to not feel so personally rejected. Self-love (aka masturbation) and an active fantasy-life takes the edge off. And (stereotypically) being physically affectionate with my husband by kissing, non-sexual touching, etc. really does seem to satisfy me a lot more than I thought it would--when kept up on a regular basis! If I wait til I'm ready to explode, that stuff just won't cut it!

It aien't perfect, but we are continuing to talk openly with one another about this issue and find ways to make it work together. THAT'S why I married him! Hope this helps somebody! Freespirit

[Freespirit]

P.S. The Guide to Getting It On

P.S. As for not being a good sex-teacher, check out "The Guide To Getting It On" by Goofy Foot Press. No matter how experienced (or not) you are, I swear you can learn something from this book about your partner or yourself (did you know the entire clitoris is like 5 inches long!???) . It is very straight-forward and a surprisingly good read! My hubby and I read it together.