[Guest]

You'll get some good advice from the ladies here about female penetration/orgasms etc. From my part, as a guy, ( I was abused as well) it seems like you were used to lying back and being abused and shut yourself off in protection. Now is the time to drop the drawbridge and let any love come in. First though you have to love yourself. Sorry to hear about the jerks you've been out with. Some guys give men a bad name !!. Don't be in a rush. Chose your next partner carefully and try not to , sorry to say this, attract the wrong sort. You may be doing this unconsciously. Look to find the nice guy, who may not be the most attractive. Learn about each other and fall in love. I really do hope you find someone that gives you the love and understanding that you richly deserve. x

[SaharaJim]

You are tough and nothing wrong with that. In my experience you will need to be "tough" enough to be vunerable with your partner. As many of the prior suggestions say that means taking time to build love and trust with your partner. Plus you say you "get bored and start thinking about the cobwebs on the ceiling"; what that tells me (IMHO) is that you are doing what is called "disassociating". What happened to you physically was so unpleasant that your mind shuts itself off from what is happening with your body. Like it is happening to someone in another country, or on television. So; of course you don't orgasm. Usual treatment for this requires a series of steps to get your mind to relax and "accept" the "sensory input" from your body. The "hard" BSMD stuff reaches because it takes a different sensory route than gentle vanilla sex; but it also continues the desensitiation of your system. Counseling is good advice. Good luck and Cherish you.

[maverick]

I would like counseling but I've been told that it goes on your permanent record that you saw a shrink and employers can see it and it'll ruin your life. Is that true?

Assuming that you live in the U.S., independently visiting a shrink is like visiting any medical professional. It is confidential and would not be released to your employer unless you sign a release to allow them to see it. Of course, if you file a claim against your company insurance, they may know that you went to a shrink, but not the specific reason. These days there is little stigma attached to seeking counseling. I would not be concerned with it ruining your life. It is regarded by most employers as health maintenance. One exception to this may be if you apply (or work) in a job where psychological evaluation is required. (Such as a police officer or applying for a handgun permit.) But even then you would have to sign a release before the records could be shared with others.