[saturn71188]

yeah I think we need to talk about this again. I thought maybe I was overreacting but I don't think I am at all. I do think he feels bad, but i'm worried that he only feels bad because he got caught he did say if I never found out it wouldn't have cause me any harm...which is absurd and makes me worry that if he thinks i won't find out about something what is he willing to do.

[WildChild]

'Good' people don't do things like this. Rcoreyus is right, Consent is an absolute must in a sexual relationship and he took that from you. There is no justification. Period.

[Joey]

I dont like how he is using the 'stop being up-tight' and 'I want to explore things but you will just say no' and 'move on and get over it' to literally guilt trip you into doing things you really dont want to do.

secretly filming you on a webcam whilst your giving him head and putting it on a chat site?! and your still with him? This just shows the total lack of respect he has for you. He has literally, there and then, treated you as a piece of sexual meat and nothing more. Putting you online like that to show the world 'oooo lookie here at what I can get from my girlfriend. im a total stud muffin'. YUK! and all before your 1st anniversary day?! total butt hole.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know he really loves me though and not like my abusive ex,

I'm sorry to be the barer of bad news sweet, but your not seeing clearly. Your ex was abusive to you, perhaps verbally, maybe physically, maybe even both... So, you see this guy as a "good guy"... "he loves me", when it's you that needs and wants to be loved right? It's you that, deserves it.

Close your eyes and sit back "alone" and visualise this boy that you would have in your life, who is he? What would be be like? What would he do for you, give to you, how would he treat you... Is that this guy?

No... This guy is abusing you, he's putting you up there for other men to see. You are his girlfriend that he supposidly loves right? So why would he allow anyone other man to see that?

This guy is asking for three somes, he's claiming that he's way more sexual than you, open, wants to learn, do things... You probably don't want sex with him because all you really want is "love" and so you can't just have sex...

Your not matched sexually, your not matched, morally, he's really treating you badly by doing this, web cam... abusing you, no respect for you, just tells you to get over it.

Abuse.

Sweet, you can and will be loved. Don't fall into the trap of ever accepting abuse of any form, just to gain love.

Understand you went through it, you deserve better, and tell him to get on his bike and go....

Your strong enough...

CW

[Guest]

I agree with the ladies. This is a no no without consent. Strongly advise you re-assess the relationship. best of luck x

[Hopeless Dork]

I do not think his abuse has him damaged. Lots of abused people go on to live productive lives with healthy interests in sex. He sounds like he just likes some kinky things and you don't have to be an abuse victim to like kinky things. Many victims are turned off sex all together, many have average 3 times per week sexual relationships and others have insatiable want it all the time craziest way possible drives... the same range of sexual interest that non abuse victims have.

2 big things at play here is a lack of compromise and respecting each others feelings. He isn't respecting you, or your feelings , your wishes, your privacy, NOTHING... when he sneaks video of you out on the internet.

It also might be hurtful to his feelings when you don't have interest in sex with him, and when he asks you for it you say 'maybe'. It can be taxing to be sexually rejected. Thats not to say he should go video taping you the first chance he gets. Thats rediculous, and a major trust/respect violation that should lead you to re-evaluate his good qualities and assess why you are even with him at this point.

[Guest]

I was abused as a boy, but would never consider doing this. It's about the type of character he is and not what has happened to him!

[kygirl]

You've had more than enough responses for you to hopefully see this, but GET OUT of this relationship... He's posting you online! Someone could be saving that, it could ruin your future, and you probably COULD file criminal charges. He's using something that happened to him as an excuse at your expense. He's just going to keep doing it as long as you let him. You deserve better.

[PJhavinfunagain]

Run, run far away and find someone who respects you.

[saturn71188]

"He has literally, there and then, treated you as a piece of sexual meat and nothing more."
That is actually so far from the truth, and from my story I could understand how one would think that but he has always been very loving and passionate, which is why I was so shocked that this happened. I have known him for 7 years now and I know he's not a bad person. When I was shooting heroin with my ex he was the only friend that stuck by me and continued to try and help even when I wanted nothing more than to use drugs.
And after waking him up at 2:30 am last night and yelling at him for a while telling him that I wasn't going to just forget about it and he will have to recognize what he has done was horrible and give me time to get over it as well as never do anything along these lines again of course. To which he has said I know how terrible is was and I wasn't really thinking about it I just acted on the impulse, since I am a recovering addict I know a thing or two about impulses. I know in my mind and heart that he is a good person, just slightly damaged from sexual abuse and losing his father in a car crash at age 8...maybe that seems to have nothing to do with sex but everything that has ever happened to us molds us into the current version of ourselves we are today. I was in an abuse relationship with my ex and I can't even compare the two. He isn't a good person because my ex was so terrible for me. I could see the hurt and regret in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he was telling me I should leave him.
He told me today "I am going to make it up to you" and i'm ready to give him a chance.