[belleisangelic]

my boyfriend told me the other day " seeing you get on top is like seeing you on the treadmill, you get flustered and tired quickly and can barely keep a steady pace"....we haven't had sex for a week as his punishment for being such a blunt prick, but I was wondering, what are some ways I as a female can be a better performer in bed?

missionary position is nice, but he says he feels like he's doing all the work in missionary and i just lie on my back. I do the best I can to not be a dead fish, I scratch his back, wrap my legs around him, scream and moan and talk, I exercise my pelvic floor muscles constantly ( kegals) and while he's on top I squeeze them as hard as possible to give him an extra feeling of tightness. I also try to compensate for my lack of ' top notch performance' with amazing blow jobs...which seem to work well..I just can't get a grip on avoiding a slight grazing of my teeth at times which is annoying to us both.
i've also heard that there's a way for woman to " push back" when a man is on top...doing a pelvic tilt and thrust of some kind?
I'm new to all of this, he is my first boyfriend, my first relationship..I lost my virginity earlier this year...and he's expecting me to be a porn star! this is stressing me out, but I do want to get better...for him and for my own self confidence in bed.
thanks for any advice.

[SaharaJim]

Belle; hope this guy has a LOT of other redeming qualities! Kudos for your efforts to make things better- WHAT IS HE DOING? Aside from "blaming" you I mean.

[Joey]

Hun, give yourself a break seriously.
You say youve only basically lost your virginity. Let your body conform to the changes of having sex. Your not just going to change into a sex machine over night - and your boyfriend SHOULD understand this.

Your boyfriend moans when performing the missionary postion because hes doing all the work - yet continues to moan when you get on top to give him a break from it?! Makes little sense to me.

to be a 'better performer' as you say in bed can only really progress through practice. If your boyfriend is going to getting moody and lets face, bloody rude with what he said to you, how are you meant to develop, expereince and 'better' your sexual activities? If anything, the comment he said to you would more then likely dent your self esteem when having sex - not heighten it.

[Joey]

PS: in your other thread on BDSM and anal sex - are you curious about this for YOU, or are you curious about this for your boyfriend because you are worried your not doing enough for him?

[belleisangelic]

besides from the comments he makes, he does alot for me..alot..in and outside of the bedroom, he just has this selfish nature that peeks its evil head sometimes.
and with the anal and bdsm, it was all my idea..but I did take him into consideration when it came to Anal because I just heard that it's what drove men wild? It doesn't make sense to me either sometimes, he doesn't want to do any work but whatever I put in ( besides blow jobs) gives me nothing but a spoiled brat rant. I can't stand it....but things are getting better.

honestly if this continues..and he doesn't watch his tongue..I"m just going to give up, I deserve someone that wont put me down in bed, where i'm most vulnerable and self conscious.

[Joey]

I know quite a lot of guys that are repulsed by anal sex (my boyfriend included). when i was 'getting into sex' i always assumed that there would be a time that my previous boyfriends would try to tempt me into anal sex, but none of them did. I think its more the taboo of it - the dirty side of sex.

When he made that comment to you, did you literally just bite his head off (i dont blame you, i would have done!) or did you tell him how insecure it made you feel? if he continues to talk to you like this when having sex, or prefering to moan with annoyance then orgasm, sex to you guys is going to feel like nothing more then a chore.

Communicate with him. Tell him EXACTLY how he makes you feel. Tell him how hurt and anxious you get when you are having sex with him, as he is taking all the fun out of you because he is making you worried if you are doing it right. At least he will know then - and will be aware that there may be possible serious consequences if he did it again.

[Fallen1]

honestly if this continues..and he doesn't watch his tongue..I"m just going to give up, I deserve someone that wont put me down in bed, where i'm most vulnerable and self conscious.

I don't blame you. No one, man or woman, deserves that kind of treatment.

[belleisangelic]

yes when he made that comment, he immediatly followed with a shower of " I"m kidding, I was joking haha, I meant nothing by it"...but come on..he said it too fast and too clear for it to not be something he wanted to say.

but yes, I did make it clear and said " it's comments like that, that will make me never want you to touch me again" and the joke was over on his part.

[Joey]

Good for you for saying that! My boyfriend can sometimes do that - he will say something thats quite blatantly something thats been bothering him, and then if i show the faint sign of bing shocked he will come at me with the 'im joking im joking!' errr...no your not! ha!

Well i really hope that he doesnt say any more inappropriate comments! He definitly knows your not to be messed with - especially as you told him there and then to back off.

[SaharaJim]

Good for you Belle. Standing up for yourself is always a good idea. As a guy who often says "unthinkingstupidfootinmouth things"; getting told RIGHT THEN is a relationship saver. The guy isn't sitting there trying to remember the remark and context, he hasn't built up a resentment that you haven't been "nice" and he doesn't know why, he knows! Then he can realize how it came out and make the appropriate "mea culpas". Remember that as a rule men lack the subtle verbal skills of women. We were learning to punch people while you girls were sharpening your verbal skills.