[Dankon]

Hello,
My boyfriend and I (both 20) are ready to take a major step in our relationship and have sex. We are both virgins and though we were a little apprehensive about the subject at first, we have come a long way and feel that we are ready to take the big plunge.

I am taking Loestrin24Fe (birth control pills, for those of you who may not know what it is) and both of us are adamant about using condoms because neither of us are ready for or want children. Yesterday we bought some condoms (Trojan Magnum Ecstasy) and he decided to try one on. It went horribly. He put it on properly, but even though the latex was very thin he could barely feel a thing. It's safe to say that he doesn't like them.

Neither of us want to risk anything by going bareback...and he says that he's willing to wear the condom and pleasure me before pulling out, removing the condom, and finishing himself up (not sex, obviously; probably a blowjob). I feel bad about this. I don't want to have sex unless we can both enjoy it. I won't be able to fully enjoy it unless he's receiving SOME pleasure from it.

Some of his friends are telling us to just go bareback, but as I said before we don't particularly like that option (even though I am taking birth control). Sure, we've talked about sex without a condom and agree that it would probably feel better, but we'd rather be safe than sorry.

The poor thing is worried that he won't be able to keep his erection because of the substantial reduced sensation caused by the condom and he's worried that I might give up on our sex life. I have reassured him that I will do no such thing and that we'll find a way to make sex work for both of us.

I would appreciate any help on this matter, and I'm sure if he knew I was posting this he would appreciate it as well. Please only give mature answers to this because this is a very serious matter to us. Thank you very much.

[WildChild]

If you are monogamous and taking your bc appropriately what is the rational for using a condom?
If you really feel you need a back up, go get a diaphram.

[jns]

The promoters of condoms have never really addressed the issue of loss of sensation. I tried to get used to them and use them many times before I got married and never had any luck. The only result was that a very hard erection was reduced to no erection and not through climax. The psychological interplay was probably substantial after a while. I understand what your bf is going through. It is not him being selfish although I'm sure some believe it is that.

[Hopeless Dork]

Many guys don't have a problem reaching orgasm with a condom. No, it doesn't feel like the 'real' thing... no matter how thin the condom is... but its doable for most guys. Seriously. Try different condoms, some condoms me and my boyfriend have used are better/worse. We have sex with and without condoms and of course he feels more sensation without them, but he still does fine when he has to wear one.

I think your boyfriend is setting himself up to fail with condoms by believing in his head already that he is going to have all these problems. Does he really require a magnum condom? If not... that could be a huge problem right there. Did you guys try sex with it? Or did he just wear it and you tried oral or touching him through it? Because sex with a condom will feel differently than oral or manual with a condom... It will have more pressure and be more intense.

If you are on birth control and reliably taking it... if you guys are monogomous... talk to your dr about a diaphram or some other barrier method if you guys would feel safer utilizing 2 birth control methods at same time.

Your friends are encouraging you to bareback? Nice friends. :\ Since they are not the ones that would be risking diseases or 2 am feedings... I hope that you listen to your doctor instead of your friends. I think this problem is more deeply rooted in your boyfriends issue with condoms... some sort of mental block to the idea and also not picking the kind that is right for his body perhaps?

[Guest]

i used to have, and probably would still have the same problem. one thing that helps is putting a little lube inside the condom so there is some slippage righ against his penis. the magnums are actually a good call here. the tighter the condom is- for me at least, the quicker i would start feeling numb and eventually go limp. anothet thing that will help is to go get some of those sexual stumulants at the adult book store. they make your so hard and sensitive you could wrap them with a tube sock and it wouldnt matter. look for something with horny goat weed/ yomimbe/ and the stuff in extenze. i take stamina rx every once in a while, but careful too much will give you a wicked head ache.

[LanaBear]

Even though you don't necessarily need another form of protection... You can also try a spermicide. There is VCF (Vaginal Contraceptive Film), Encare, etc. I've used Encare before and didn't have any problems with it. I know people who have used VCF and also have had no problems.

I would suggest trying it before you actually have sex as some women may be sensitive to it.

[Dankon]

Hopeless Dork: We're talking to each other about things. If we decide to go bareback it's going to be of our own free will, and not influenced by his friends.

Dr.Tony: Yeah, we didn't want to go with anything that might be too small. He's packing pretty well down there XD We were going to actually buy lube, but we forgot once we got to the store (figures). We'll probably go back soon after he gets back from FL (important family thing down there).

LanaBear: I've suggested spermicide, and we're thinking about it. The only problem is, I've read that it can make things taste bad and he LOVES going down on me. I suppose I could always use it after he has his initial fun though.

[LanaBear]

The other thing to remember with spermicide is that it generally has to be in place for about 15 minutes before you can have sex. You can place it in after he goes down on you, then play around with each other for a while to pass the 15 minutes.

Condoms irritate ME, so that is another thing to think about, during the act, you may also be irritated by them as well, plus they always caused me to go dry. You two are monogamous and you are on the pill, so I'd look into other non condom options if the two of you are adamant about using another method with the pill.

[rcoreyus]

I always had problems with condoms as well - its pretty common. If he is happy with using the condom for intercourse, then having you finish him by oral afterwards - maybe that is fine. It might be as much fun for him if you don't mind.

Condoms do come in different sizes - if he is on the large size, the ones you have might be too tight and cause some problems. (Don't be fooled by the names - no one would walk into a store an buy a condom in tiny or petite sizes ).