[rtv99]

I'm happily married to a wonderful woman and mother. Our sex life has really blossemed over the years. It seems like it gets better all the time. Even now that our intimate time is compress and less frequent due to the kids. We're like teenagers again sneaking around. She rarely masterbates but has in the past albeight infrequently. So she cums from vaginal intercourse and from digital stimulation. We have two issues.

1.) It seems that she's not getting off from oral. We talk openly about things but unfortunetly i don't think she's able to or knows what to say to me about how she wants oral. So i'm here to ask you girls how you like it.

[edited for unnecessary erotic detail]

She says she gets overly sensitive and it's too much. Has anyone experienced this and found a way to work with that level of sensitivity and make it happen?

2.) Blowjobs. I don't cum. Well rarely. I think it's really effecting how she feels about herself as a lover. I try to tell her it feels wonderful. After a few times of 45mins or more she doesn't want to do them anymore cause she's lost her confidence. I understand that's a crazy amount of time for her and i can imgaine she gets really tired. In that time she gets me really close usually 3 times or so. I've told her that she could make me cum in a minute or less if my could tell she really wanted to do it. Sounds strange but i think the problem of why i can't is because my can tell she doesn't want to do it. She's very mechanical about it. Like a train. She just starts and goes faster,faster,faster until she's tired then repeats. I tried to explain to play, build, tease, stop, play build stop, then finish me off. Should we watch softcore together? Should i masterbate for her so she sees how the tempo and stroking is?

Thanks for reading and i eagerly await any advice you girls cacn give me.

[ItsASecret]

As for the oral, sometimes the answer is as simple as a woman does not orgasm from it. For me I likely never will because there is simply not enough pressure and soft licks of that sort anywhere around my vagina feel like nothing. If she gets pleasure from other things like manual stimulation with your fingers then I would say stick to those methods and use oral as just a build up. Women are not all the same and we do not all have a magic switch method that is going to guarantee results. Just keep having her talk to you.

[jns]

How is oral different from using your hands? Where do you stimulate with hands and where oral? Do you go fast and faster or do you go fast then slow, then repeat with hands? Do you add to stimulation with hands by kissing and if you do, where?

For overly sensitive, stimulate through the clitoral hood and rarely directly.

Tease by stimulating, then stimulating less and focusing the attention elsewhere, such as kissing lips, ear lobes or breasts. If you want to stay in the same place, kiss the stomach and/or the inner thighs

Make her anticipate you going back by holding out and playful quick stimulation of the clitoris before going away again. As always, observe, observe, observe. When does her breathing quicken, when do her muscles clench, when does she start trembling, when does she get wetter? Determine her reaction to specific actions you do.

You don't necessarily want too try to drive her over the edge the first time she strings several reactions together. You may want to slow it down, then a minute or two later see if you can string more reactions together than before. Then repeat.

I have rarely had oral, so I don't have great advice. When she is giving oral to you, what are you focusing on or thinking of? What are your positions: standing , sitting, 69? What mentally arouses you about her? Visual, touch, voice, taste, smell?

[rtv99]

As for the oral, sometimes the answer is as simple as a woman does not orgasm from it. For me I likely never will because there is simply not enough pressure and soft licks of that sort anywhere around my vagina feel like nothing. If she gets pleasure from other things like manual stimulation with your fingers then I would say stick to those methods and use oral as just a build up. Women are not all the same and we do not all have a magic switch method that is going to guarantee results. Just keep having her talk to you.

You see she does cum sometimes just not all the time. So it may have more to do with emotion state or arousal than technique. I know she has anxciety about one of our little ones walking in on us wanting a glass of water. So she is having a hard time getting totally into the moment. She's told me softer is better. The part of my post describing the process got edited. I think i had too many adjectives and it sounded like erotica instead of clinical. So even with fingers she likes it to be soft and random. I've asked her to materbate so i could watch and observe her tempo and how she responds. She's only shown me once or twice.

How is oral different from using your hands? Where do you stimulate with hands and where oral? Do you go fast and faster or do you go fast then slow, then repeat with hands? Do you add to stimulation with hands by kissing and if you do, where?

For overly sensitive, stimulate through the clitoral hood and rarely directly.

Tease by stimulating, then stimulating less and focusing the attention elsewhere, such as kissing lips, ear lobes or breasts. If you want to stay in the same place, kiss the stomach and/or the inner thighs

Make her anticipate you going back by holding out and playful quick stimulation of the clitoris before going away again. As always, observe, observe, observe. When does her breathing quicken, when do her muscles clench, when does she start trembling, when does she get wetter? Determine her reaction to specific actions you do.

You don't necessarily want too try to drive her over the edge the first time she strings several reactions together. You may want to slow it down, then a minute or two later see if you can string more reactions together than before. Then repeat.

I have rarely had oral, so I don't have great advice. When she is giving oral to you, what are you focusing on or thinking of? What are your positions: standing , sitting, 69? What mentally arouses you about her? Visual, touch, voice, taste, smell?

I guess that i've been trying to edge her like you describe but maybe haven't given it enough time or patience to "soak" in. Great advise. I get the impression she's pretty eager. Almost like she may be trying too hard. I think a good talk about relaxing and letting herself go would be a really helpful preface to play. I think if she gives herself over to me stress free she'll be amazed by how it feels. I suppose in the end most all of this is in our minds not our bodies.

Here's my new plan. Her birthday is next week and the kids will be away all day and over night with her parents. We'll have a nice diner and i think i'll bring up trying to relax and let herself go at diner. Might be a nice primer to get us both horny. Then at home i'll see if she wants to do some yoga or deep breathing to relax and get her in tune with her body. Then ask her to let me take over her and give her all the creative attention i can think of.

Thanks ladies. I'll let you know how it goes.

[Hopeless Dork]

Too often guys concern themselves with the *type* of orgasm their significant other is having and attempt to find a way to make them orgasm the way they *think* they should. If a woman only has clitoral orgasms, the guy is bent on her having vaginal orgasms and vice versa and it just is really so unnecessary. If you focus on what feels good to her, what she actually likes instead of trying to make her feel something you think she should like because other women do... you'll get much better results and a much happier partner.

Women are SO different. Some like heavy friction to their clitoris, some like gentle stimulation , some don't like it involved at all and there a dozens of combinations of what feels good intra-vaginally. Plus all of that stuff can vary on a day to day basis... before cycle time a woman might not like direct stimulation and after she might love it.

But I think your best bet is just listen to what she actually likes, what she actually wants and go with that instead of trying to show her what she likes that you think she should. She knows her body.

[rtv99]

I hear what you're saying. I feel like she really does like both types of orgasm and that she's honestly happy with our chemistry in bed. I can tell she wants to cum when i'm going down on her and sometimes does, just that sometimes she doesn't and i'm wondering if it's me. Ultimately i wish she was on here and she was the one writing about what she likes. We have very open lines of communication i just think she herself doesn't know what to say to me. I think she would if she knew.

[sungem77]

as for her pleasure, i'm very sensitive also, i can almost come just from teasing with no contact on the clitoris. try very gentle stroking, around the area. it just takes patientce. also, if she knows that you're really into it, it will help alot.

as for you, i think its a good idea to materbate for her until you're almost about to come and then let her finsih you off. it might build both your confidence for the next time.

[rtv99]

Thanks Gem. I think i'll try both.

[archrival]

A lot of women are self conscious about a man going down on her due to hygene issues,but wont admit to it.She certainly wouldnt want you to think she is unkempt and untidy.
Women love kissing especially at the beginning and ending of a session,so how do you complee your duties when your lips are full of unknown fluids other than what she is familiar with.
My wife is not a fan of blow jobs about once in a while, as a treat she will indulge me, but only with a condom.This way I feel comfortable when I kiss her afterwards.

[Texasred]

A lot of women are self conscious about a man going down on her due to hygene issues,but wont admit to it.She certainly wouldnt want you to think she is unkempt and untidy.
Women love kissing especially at the beginning and ending of a session,so how do you complee your duties when your lips are full of unknown fluids other than what she is familiar with.
My wife is not a fan of blow jobs about once in a while, as a treat she will indulge me, but only with a condom.This way I feel comfortable when I kiss her afterwards.

I keep a washcloth and a breathmint nearby, and use both before kissing her afterwards.

Not that it's needed as far as I'm concerned!