[sourpuss]

To the questions posed to sourpuss,

1) Are you wife and daughter more important to you than getting laid?

2) Is getting laid worth ruining your marriage?

Sorry, seems rather simple.

I'd like to know the answers to these two questions because right now his wife and kid seem to be taking a back seat to sex. That's just sad. Sad for a husband and father.

[Hopeless Dork]

I understand the need for sexual release... male or female, I understand the blow to the ego rejection can cause and how masturbation can't fill the gap when it comes to human connection and closeness.... I think its COMPLETELY unfair for her to not address your need for sex but at the same time... I have say that I don't buy that cheating is the only thing you can think of for this NEED for sexual release. You can orgasm from masturbation, you are not in any jeopardy of going into sexual withdrawls if you don't want to.

No I am not suggesting you spend the rest of your life masturbating. I am just saying that its kind of dissapointing to hear you say that you think cheating is the only way to handle your sexual needs. Many men and women have dry spells and they live through them. It sounds like your wife is having some physiological and mental issues since the birth of the baby, not uncommon... but her refusal to seek a regular doctor for it, because of her beliefs... is probably not going to help the situation get any better.

How was your sex life pre-baby? Did she enjoy it? Inniciate? We're you guys all good in that department? If you weren't... theres a good chance that the baby situation could be her way of having a built in excuse to get out of having sex she wasn't that into in the first place... so it would help to know how things were before she got pregnant.

If my boyfriend rejected me for sex for a year, I think my self esteem would be in the gutter. I think I would be looking for male attention to try to not feel like a troll so I understand why you mention the cheating thing... but I just think your reasons behind it, saying its because of the need for sex... could be dismissed by her feeling like if its an orgasm you need... just masturbate.

So your best approach is not saying its your need for a sexual release that has you on the edge over your lack of a sex life, its the connection you get to her through it, the intimacy, the feeling of being wanted by the one you love... those are things that she will be able to understand.

Its easy to dismiss someone sexually if you feel like they only need a hole, like hey give it to me or I'll find another hole... but if she feels like its her body you miss, making her feel pleasure you miss, experiencing the closeness that only you two can is what you miss... it might make her a little more understanding of why this is so important.

Communication is the answer, not ashley madison. And I do not suggest coming at her with ... I'm thinking of having an affair, our sex life is so bad. Not if your ultimate goal is to make things better... because that will set her off and create more distance than closeness.

But telling her the truth that you NEED to feel that bond to her, that its not about just getting your rocks off. Get the ky and the condoms..so that is one obsticle you don't have in front of you.

Give her a break from the baby, make her feel sexy and desirable... a lot of women (and men) sometimes see a new mom in a different light... that she is some how not a sexual being any more, that her breasts are for nutrition not pleasure, that her vagina is for birth... and it can take some coaxing to get them to realize that the woman is still just as much a sexual being as she was before giving birth..

[Hopeless Dork]

If you went through a time period where you had ED and couldn't get it up, lost your self esteem and interest in sex.... would you want: A. Your spouse to be understanding, patient, communicate with you and let you know they love you regardless.....or B. A spouse who uses it as an excuse to cheat?

That right there Miss Beautiful, is an excellent point and a great reference that any man should be get... because there may be a time in his or any mans life that stress, diet, age or any other number of factors get the best of them and their not quite able to seal the deal like they could before, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculations, etc etc.. and while you would probably not expect some chick off the street your just having sex with to be understanding, you'd hope your wife, the one that promised to love you in good times and bad would.

There are women that come here and their husband is having erection problems, refuses to see a doctor, their self esteem is in gutter, they feel unnattractive and hopeless because they don't see an end in sight and wonder if they should hook up with that hot guy at the office thats paying them attention... and guess what? We give her the same advice... to not go there...

To instead try to be understand of the fact that going to a doctor and saying 'i'm having problmes with my penis' is a nightmare panic inducing situation to many men, to focus on the 'health aspects' of why he should see a doctor, rather than sexual ones... to be patient and understanding... etc etc..

So please don't think we are all just saying MAN! pIG!!! him want sexy time!! Him bad!! Many of the women on this board have sexual needs that surpass that of their partner so the opening line of 'men just have needs, we just do, you don't get it'... might not be the most appropriate for this audience

[Guest]

Hopeless Dork...you have helped the most and I thank-you...you "get it"

my a & b questions were dumb, but sourpuss's and pretzles take the cake....your not getting my point, Hopeless Dork does...

but i'll entertain you.....

a) of course sex is not as important as my daugther but perhaps the mom should answer this question herself and aggressively find the answer. If not sex than do what Mel Gibson says (or yells) "just smile and blow me"....mel gibson is an idiot but he nailed this one! LOL....and ladies, don't get your panties in a knot over this comment, read between the lines...a bj would be nice??

b) there is not much of a marriage if sex is not involved...so if i could fast forward 20 years and decide on being married to her and not having sex or getting a divorce, i'd get a divorce...call me a pig, but you must not understand.

nobody is taking a back seat to anything, because it has not happened which is why i'm coming to you ladies for your advice, how many guys would? they would have been on ashley madison 6 months ago.

[pretzel]

Hopeless Dork...you have helped the most and I thank-you...you "get it"

my a & b questions were dumb, but sourpuss's and pretzles take the cake....your not getting my point, Hopeless Dork does...

but i'll entertain you.....

a) of course sex is not as important as my daugther but perhaps the mom should answer this question herself and aggressively find the answer. If not sex than do what Mel Gibson says (or yells) "just smile and blow me"....mel gibson is an idiot but he nailed this one! LOL....and ladies, don't get your panties in a knot over this comment, read between the lines...a bj would be nice??

b) there is not much of a marriage if sex is not involved...so if i could fast forward 20 years and decide on being married to her and not having sex or getting a divorce, i'd get a divorce...call me a pig, but you must not understand.

nobody is taking a back seat to anything, because it has not happened which is why i'm coming to you ladies for your advice, how many guys would? they would have been on ashley madison 6 months ago.

I think I have your point and your response pretty much reinforces that.

That said, my first marriage was close to 18 years and I've been married now for another 4 with my current wife. I'm the father of 2 kids and have had many, many ups and downs (mostly downs) over those years.

Yeah, sex is important in a relationship. But as others have tried to point out, it's not the end all and be all. If it is, then maybe I don't need to be in this thread as I have a much different point of view.

[Ashlee T.]

Husband Help - I still don't feel like you're getting the point.

Because as I said in my last post (which I'm not even quite sure you read), anyone who reads what you have written and lays out the facts is going to come to basically the same conclusion if they're being honest.

1. November baby comes
2. Wife is totally out of "service" until mid-December.
3. Wife wants to be sure not to get pregnant again (a quite responsible decision with a new baby).
4. You last initiate sex in February at which time you just want sex but offer no method of NOT getting her pregnant. She tells you to go get condoms.
5. You do not buy condoms.
6. You give up......and that took all of maybe 2-3 months.

There are women AND men posting to you on this thread. You are not getting responses from "anti-sex man haters".

And if SEX is truly the reason you're married, you should do this lady a favor and reconsider being married. As I stated in my last post, men suffer from issues CONSTANTLY (once you're on these boards for a while, you'll see....) that keep them from being able to perform, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, depression, cancer, other diseases etc etc etc. The list goes on and on. If everyone had the same mentality as you.... few would stay married.

And then you throw the "her mom passed away" into the mix, and that just adds to this. She has had her first child, and her mother is not there to share that with her, not there to give her advice, to help her. That is a special time for mothers and their daughters...and I'm sure despite the happiness of having the beautiful baby, I'm sure her emotions have been running raw.

Women are some of the most intuitive creatures on Earth.... you honestly believe this woman feels attractive around you? You honestly make her feel special, do things to show her you appreciate her, tell her she's beautiful ? You want her to "service" you....but you seem entirely out of touch with her as a human being .....much less someone you're married to and deeply love.

[Guest]

Women are some of the most intuitive creatures on Earth....

*Rude*

woman want a man to be honest, but most don't want honesty

helpless dork, thank-you very much for your help....


i'm signing off from this forum..

[LanaBear]

Thread closed.