[BeautifulxoxoDisaster]

Honestly...i dont know...I have thought about this, but I'm not sure. He erases the history on our computer...so he probably does.

[Ashlee T.]

He erases the history on our computer...so he probably does.

That's a pretty good sign of dishonesty to me. I have mine set to erase daily, just because I don't like it to clog things up....but I live alone. When my ex started deleting his history....it was after I found some emails between he and his ex. From that point on, he deleted his history...and I later found out he was cheating on me the whole time.

No sex and unwillingness to talk about it = red flag
erasing history = another red flag

I'm sure there are other red flags.......

[Ashlee T.]

AND....

I think there is a big difference between not being able to perform......and simply not having any interest in sex or making out etc.

[kiki_tt]

I am male and have been with my girlfriend for 3 years + ... Sex is not all "that" anymore... provided in your case it is not a pornography thing ... i now know and have seen just about everything there is to what make women ... "women". Underlying all of it is the issue of "love" and all that it entails ie is the grass greener on the other side or it is green where it presently is. Sex does get monotonous ..... hope he comes to understand that and values you....

[jns]

Sex does get monotonous

Sex only gets monotonous when one or the other or both partners make it monotonous. If both are "in love", it is never monotonous.

[caterpillar79]

"In love" being "chemicals" and hormones are at play is indeed exciting, but wears off. In a relationship, what lasts is the bond and connection between the two individuals and their dedication to please each other and show their love for each other.
If something is off, something must really be causing it. When sex was scarce (or when a man goes on "solo"), all he could think of is sex and sex and sex... And then, once he's got it and was granted complete access to it by a loving and monogamous partner in a monogamous arrangement, he starts to lose his appetite.

Should it come to a point where one has to tell exactly how she feels, and cry and literally say "I need to be touched more often"... "I want more sex" and I guess I wanted more than you do!...? Maybe it should.

After that, maybe you have to wait and see what he does. Give him space, be like his anchor. Stay put to keep the tension (good tension like a rubber band). Take care if yourself in the meantime and see if he comes around without you pushing him. The more leaning forward you go, the more he'd like to run away.

As for the redflag... take it one step at a time. Keep an eye out but don't let it distract you. It could or couldn't be. Must be stress or medical, who knows until he opens up. Goodluck.

[stressed]

He could be watching porn due to his insecurities/fears of performance, which may be keeping him from having sex. So he might be deleting his porn history because he knows he doesn't give you what you need and doesn't want to make it even worse by revealing his porn habits. Of course, he may also be so into porn that he doesn't have the energy or will for sex. But you won't know which one it is unless he tells you so.

Do what caterpillar said and express your feelings. Ask him why and if there is anything you can do. It doesn't have to be sex every time, there are plenty of other sexual things one can do that offer stimulation/orgasm without involving intercourse or any kind of performance from his part. You can try to initiate something given the opportunity, such as oral, when you both go to bed to sleep. Under normal circumstances rarely does a man turn down oral and his reaction might give you some answers.

kiki:3 years is not that much of a time to make sex boring, if sex can ever be boring, let alone being enough time for you to have tried everything a woman can possibly like with your girlfriend. The more time you spend with your partner the better you get to know about what they like, what they enjoy, what they fantasize about. Sex is never the same with the same person like it was the first time you had it. The most memorable sexual moments I have are the first times in every relationship. The excitement, tension, passion can never be the same (which is probably why we only see one sex scene in every movie and we never see the same couple having sex twice, it's just not as exciting). But that does not mean that sex loses anything because of that. I definitely wouldn't call it monotonous after four years in the same relationship and despite several sexual issues. I agree with jns, it only becomes monotonous when you allow it to become so. One must always discuss this when it becomes an issue.

[BeautifulxoxoDisaster]

It's almost like i see these things going on & don't want to believe it. Deep down I want to do something about it but at the same time, I am so tired. Tired of fighting, worrying, being scared to know the truth! I think I know what I HAVE to do!
Thanks so much!

[Hopeless Dork]

I would really, really not be surprised if his lack of interest in sex with you had everything to do with taking care of himself with porn/masturbation. So very many women come to these forums with the same concern... my boyfriend/husband has no interest in sex, yet is still watching porn/masturbating. Maybe we're devolving, maybe this is natures way of killing off our species... lol.. I know , I'm just kidding.. but its just so sad of a state of affairs for some guys (and the women they claim to love) you almost have to laugh at it or just give up on men all together.

Some guys don't have the common sense to realize that if they are masturbating every day to porn, and have no drive for sex... its not because they have a low sex drive... its because they are masturbating every day to porn. Its like a guy eating a box of donuts every night before coming home from work... not being hungry for dinner and saying... I just don't like I dinner I guess. Its nothing personal against dinner... my body just doesn't need it. And not for a moment realizing maybe its those donuts crammed in on the road could possibly be playing a role. *Shrug*.

I don't know for certain if this is your issue... but its just so common with some guys, it certainly wouldn't surprise me.

[WildChild]

I would really, really not be surprised if his lack of interest in sex with you had everything to do with taking care of himself with porn/masturbation. So very many women come to these forums with the same concern... my boyfriend/husband has no interest in sex, yet is still watching porn/masturbating. Maybe we're devolving, maybe this is natures way of killing off our species... lol.. I know , I'm just kidding.. but its just so sad of a state of affairs for some guys (and the women they claim to love) you almost have to laugh at it or just give up on men all together.

Some guys don't have the common sense to realize that if they are masturbating every day to porn, and have no drive for sex... its not because they have a low sex drive... its because they are masturbating every day to porn. Its like a guy eating a box of donuts every night before coming home from work... not being hungry for dinner and saying... I just don't like I dinner I guess. Its nothing personal against dinner... my body just doesn't need it. And not for a moment realizing maybe its those donuts crammed in on the road could possibly be playing a role. *Shrug*.

I don't know for certain if this is your issue... but its just so common with some guys, it certainly wouldn't surprise me.

Absolutely
They can't handle the real thing