[waya]

Oh, and update. Things are better atm. We finally really communicated again and he shared about a stressor that I was unaware of so fingers crossed.

[TJPatriot]

Has he always been with religious types for partners? Or maybe previous women were...well...psycho-es?

If he's an overthinker/worrier similar to me, like he sounds like, it's very possible he thinks you and your needs, while not having sex, is some crazy mindfreak of a test. And past experience with women (or even a mother, or just hearing about these types of women, lol) is causing him to freak out about it. He might think that because of your beliefs, part of what he's doing is "wrong" and something you'd regret later, which he'd get "penalized" for, so he doesn't want to do it.

And if that's the issue, your crazy religious stance is the cause of things. Now, I'm a Christian and for a while I had a "no pre-marital sex" stance and all that jazz, but those thoughts work against our natural biology (which God made for us) and just mess us up emotionally/mentally/etc. But my last engagement was with a girl I actually got to convert to Christianity, we had been fairly active, including some in-the-pants play but never oral or sex. And then as the relationship went on she broke off more and more of our physical relationship, which was part of why we broke off the engagement in the end, heh. Anyway, back in Biblical times, if you were a few months/year into dating, you'd probably already be married. , I bet they had arranged marriages as often as anything and people were off and wed in their teens. Our new social norms are throwing off marriage a decade (or more) and biologically it just doesn't fit to hold a no-sex stance for that long. I'm not saying to have sex with anything, or do it quick, but I think it's a normal part of a healthy relationship, and if you and he can see marriage as a very real possibility, having that label there or not really doesn't matter.

Oh yeah, also, it could just be overall disappointment that he has a problem with. I can lose my erection if I realize I'm too tired to get myself to orgasm, and since that problem came up, it built up for a while, causing me a lot of issues as I thought about it and it just got worse and worse. Getting self-conscious about that issue, along with possibly everything being a test, and then not getting to do what he really might want to do, etc. could all build up to be crazy stress on his penis.

I'd say you're just going to have sex issues for a long, long time. Maybe once you two can get married and then you can work with him to fix all the psychological issues he's built up over the years you two can have a healthy sex life. But it's very possible you won't get it fixed before then.

[waya]

He has been with a lot of different types of partners and, yes, he is a worrier who overthinks things. But he was engaged to a woman with similar beliefs and they were together sexually without intercourse.

I gotta be honest, I'm feeling attacked here over my 'crazy religious beliefs.'

[Guest]

I'm mainly wondering if it's possible his performance anxiety could actually make him unable to please me or if this is just an excuse.

Depends.... I tend to believe that it's an excuse first. There are so many ways to please a woman and we men have so many parts that can contribute to it, IF WE CHOOSE to do so. ie: face, fingers, tongue, nose, lips. Did you know that more than 70% of nearly 9,000 women who were surveyed by the Kinsey Institoot (name mispelled on purpose) said they DID NOT orgasm while engaged in intercourse.

That means that we MEN have, for the most part, got it all wrong. Obviously, it takes a lot more than a penis to get a woman to orgasm.. MEN are you listening?

Bottom line: I think it's an excuse.

[waya]

Thank you, Seeker. I didn't see your reply until now. And thanks to everyone else for their input even if some of it was hard to hear I've started to feel that I intimidate him sexually but there's really no good way to bring that up so I don't know what to do with it lol.

I actually can have orgasms from intercourse but I realize I'm luckier than most that way. But it's all part of the point that intimacy is more than just intercourse.