[lizzardb63]

Do you think maybe he is gay?

[waya]

To jonnie_rocks
This is where I get so confused. 2 days ago I was telling him I don't know how to approach him when I have needs because I don't want to put pressure on him. That when we're together and something he says/does strikes me, I don't know how to act on it. And he encouraged me to act on it and not worry about it because he has no problem just taking care of my needs. But 2 days later, after I've asked him and been turned down, he suddenly does have a problem with that. 2 days ago he was open and encouraging and now he 'doesn't know what to say.' I'm mainly wondering if it's possible his performance anxiety could actually make him unable to please me or if this is just an excuse.

And no, I don't think he's gay.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think there is just too much pressure on the sexual aspect of your relationship, so many rules and do's and don'ts that perhaps is turning him off trying all together? Maybe he feels like if you wont touch him inside his pants... whats the point in getting all excited? Maybe he feels resentment about you asking him to please you and do what makes you feel good when you will only return the favor as you see fit, and not in the manner *he* wants, but in the manner you deem appropriate.

I think there has been so much build up and so many off limits things, that spontanaity and just going with the rush of feelings has been turned into something cold and medical. Could be less performance anxiety and more... yeah whats the point of all this? I am not saying that is the case but I'm just saying even people that choose to abstain from intercourse could still have sexy passionate intimacy that is surprising and fun...

Perhaps since you are the one that is making the rules, you should inniciate and show to him, on him... the kind of fun you could have with your idea of intimacy in your relationship... then perhaps he will understand more what it is you want in return.

[waya]

Woah, wait. I am so not the one making the rules here.

[waya]

At this point I"m willing to do more than he wants me to do. He's not ready for oral stuff, that's fine. I asked him to set the boundaries. I only have one and I've been honest about that from the beginning. The rest of the limits are coming from him. And I believe we could have great intimacy, I would like to play with him, but it's hard to keep trying to initiate when something always come up to get in the way and I think he's avoiding it. It hurts to be turned down.

[waya]

Like I said it's not that I don't want to get inside his pants, I do, but he seems to pull back at that point so I leave it alone.

[Hopeless Dork]

Woah, wait. I am so not the one making the rules here.

I had thought you said it was your specific personal religious/spiritual views that were setting the pace of what you would do with him sexually, that is what I meant by you making the rules. I thought you said he didn't share your views on that but respected them.

[Hopeless Dork]

He has a biological need to orgasm, either he's wet-dreaming it up frequently to alleviate his build up... or he is masturbating, and if he is masturbating he has a sex drive... for whatever reason isn't comfortable sharing it with you... and thats what you guys have to get to the heart of. Have you tried teasing him and caressing him... no pressure... just trying to make him feel good?

[waya]

I had thought you said it was your specific personal religious/spiritual views that were setting the pace of what you would do with him sexually, that is what I meant by you making the rules. I thought you said he didn't share your views on that but respected them.

I said they keep us from having intercourse, that's it. I mentioned that in another post. To me, there's a whole lot more to intimacy and a sex life than that.

[waya]

He has a biological need to orgasm, either he's wet-dreaming it up frequently to alleviate his build up... or he is masturbating, and if he is masturbating he has a sex drive... for whatever reason isn't comfortable sharing it with you... and thats what you guys have to get to the heart of. Have you tried teasing him and caressing him... no pressure... just trying to make him feel good?

I must not be very clear. He's rarely had an orgasm with a woman, though he's been with more than a few. He can get off by himself but when we wanted to start sharing things like that he decided to stop masturbating so there would be higher chance of him orgasming with me. We do a lot of the feel-good, sensual stuff.