[Educate me]

My wife is a great lover and we have the most wonderful sexual relationship. There are nights that I may be in the mood and she is not but is willing to pleasure me anyways. I love her so much for this! Mostly oral or oral and intercourse. We really enjoy anal sex and have it fairly often. I have approached her about anal sex on some of those nights that she wants to give me oral, but she has said no. She doesn’t feel that she could get relaxed enough for me to enter her without needing to be sexually aroused. I am very respectful of my wife and will not pressure her into it. We have discussed this quite a few times and became curious if other women have anal sex on any night.

Can a woman have anal intercourse without having to be so sexually excited if their bf/h works/plays with their anus long enough? I have read on some of these threads that some women have anal as much as vaginal intercourse. Is that true? I am willing to do my part to ensure that it is enjoyable for both of us, but my wife needs to know that women can have anal without being really aroused if their partner does their part. Or is anal just for the “sex” nights when she is aroused?

[WildChild]

This depends on a lot of factors. What is true for your wife may not be true for another woman. You just can't make generalisations about this.

[LanaBear]

This depends on a lot of factors. What is true for your wife may not be true for another woman. You just can't make generalisations about this.

Completely agree with this.

Personally, I have to be sexually aroused to have anal sex, it is not going to happen otherwise. So, it doesn't make sense to me to substitute anal for oral if she's not in the mood. I do enjoy it, so chances are it can/will happen whenever but happening when not in the mood for sex at all, chances are slim.

[Bellalla]

Yeah, I'm a woman who asks for anal sex, but even then I need to be stimulated vaginally beforehand if I'm going to be up for it. Usually I need at least one or two clitoral orgasms before I'm 'warmed up' enough to proceed to anal.

I don't think I've ever felt prepared for anal even after extensive oral-anal. I still need a clitoral orgasm to really feel ready and relaxed enough.

As for how often we have anal?
Well, not nearly as often as vaginal, but at least once or twice a week.
Granted, what often happens is that we will finish with anal after having vaginal sex first. As a result, we don't generally have anal for very long.

[marmar86]

Yeah I would definitely have to be turned on to have anal sex. I definitely couldnt just 'do it'. Personally, as much as I have tried to enjoy anal, I just can't relax enough no matter how turned on I am. So I can see what she means about needing to be turned on enough to relax!

[Allie602]

Never did it but I have one friend who enjoys it. She said that even though she enjoys it and craves it sometimes, it is not always comfortable and they have to stop. She said she must be very aroused and relaxed but even then it's unpredictable. From all I heard the recipient needs to be aroused or it is painful even if you prepare.

You sound as if you doubt your wife when she says she needs to be aroused but is seems to be a common requirement. I like to say, you may be on thin ice if you push her more that she wants to do it she may think that the act is more important to you than her comfort. I am sure that is not true.

It's probably better in the long run to let her decide when to have anal sex since she is the one who can experience discomfort if it's the wrong time. In contrast, you always get pleasure. If the bad experiences outweigh the good ones if you insist, she may develop a distaste for it. Just put your self in her place.

Think of it this way, if you knew that you needed to be in the mood to enjoy something or chance a painful experience, would you do it anyway? How would you feel if your partner tried to talk you into taking a chance because they are sure of getting pleasure out of it. I think if you use the trick of putting your self in her place, you will be less frustrated at her desire to set her own pace.

[Educate me]

Yeah, I'm a woman who asks for anal sex, but even then I need to be stimulated vaginally beforehand if I'm going to be up for it. Usually I need at least one or two clitoral orgasms before I'm 'warmed up' enough to proceed to anal.

Bellalla, Thank you for your response. I find it very interesting that you need to have one or two clitoral orgasms before allowing anal. My wife is the opposite and will not relax enough after orgasms to proceed to anal, which is what I would like to do because I find it very arousing to give her oral and have her orgasm. Currently she will stop me before she has an orgasm and then I will penetrate her (I have been playing and fingering her anus for comfort and relaxation) then she finishes herself. This is ok, but like I said I really enjoy watching her get excited and get to the point of orgasm.

[Educate me]

You sound as if you doubt your wife when she says she needs to be aroused but is seems to be a common requirement. I like to say, you may be on thin ice if you push her more that she wants to do it she may think that the act is more important to you than her comfort. I am sure that is not true.

I don't doubt my wife when it comes to sex. Thank you for the complement, you are right, I do not push my wife to do anything. There are nights that I desire it and she says she's not sure if tonight is right. We may try and when she says I'm not feeling it, I stop.

So much of what you read about anal is all the pleasure received by those who enjoy it, which we do. I do understand that there must be a relaxed anus for there to be pleasure for you ladies. What I didn't know was if women could have anal because they like it without the need for arousal? IOW can they relax enough just by stimulation of their anus for it. My wife and I did this once. I was giving her a back rub and things went from there. I played with her rear and fingered her, and then I eventually entered her and we had sex slowly. She really enjoyed it and never had an orgasm or a desire for further sex. It is the only time that this has ever happened and obviously not the norm as this has only happened once.

It seems obvious that women have to be in the "mood" and I do enjoy getting her to that point.

Thank you for your insights.

[Bellalla]

Wow, that's really interesting that your wife is less relaxed after an orgasm.

I always like being warmed up with a clitoral orgasm or two before any penetration.

Is she okay with vaginal penetration after a clitoral orgasm?

[Educate me]

Wow, that's really interesting that your wife is less relaxed after an orgasm.

I always like being warmed up with a clitoral orgasm or two before any penetration.

Is she okay with vaginal penetration after a clitoral orgasm?

Yes, she is very comfortable with vaginal intercourse it just seems like she can't relax her anus.
It could be that I try and insert right after her orgasm and that is just a bad time.

Does your S/O continue to "play" with your anus to keep you relaxed after your orgasm before penetration?