[Butterflylily]

ok...I havent been on for a while..anyway the thing is..
Ill just cut to the point,

Are Vibrators really such a big deal to women? I wonder what some women would be like if Vibrators wouldnt exist? lol

Sorry maybe it sounds mean but im ****ed...My Boyfriend wont have sex with me because, of his past girlfriends, it turns out they would use toys alot etc, and everything made him feel Un-attractive. Thats why hes always buying me toys that i dont even want, seriously. Ive talked to him countless times but its the same, he seems to have this Phobia cause he believes he wont be able to pleasure me like my vibrator does.

I dont get it I mean...im starting to hate all this Toy thing lol, I know id rather have him that some toy, but seriously why do some women are...idk i dont see the reason in having a Vibrator when theres a naked man right infront of you!!!!.

I feel Selfish and stupid a little, i just trew away all the toys he brought me and still he wont believe that I want him not something else. But yeah i guess were working it out.

The question here is, why are some women so ummmm idk im not gonna use bad words but "Why would you have a toy, if theres a guy who wants to pleasure you?"

Even if hes bad at it, hes trying right!?!? but no its so weird, im so suprised and im starting to feel really bad that my gender can sometimes be such knuckleheads lol

Why do women say things like "My vibrator is better than any man, its gives me wild orgasm" etc etc... I mean obviously if you say that^, either....

1- your body is way to obbsessed with the Vibe or
2- you just havent met a guy who is Loving, Caring and a good guy unlike "some" men. But if women know its not true, then why do they say it?


I just...need some advice...it ****es me off that because of something like this I cant be with him, and you can IMAGINE how much I WANT HIM!!!!, its driving me crazy. I just need some advice to how to work this out with him.


And whats the whole deal of Women and toys? i dont get it really, Isnt the touch and care of a man you love and feel attracted to more than enough?
And everything a man can do and has to offer....you know


I mean...I know most guys say "I dont mind my wife using a Vibrator"
but im starting to believe thats not true..., if so why do you men out there dont just say how you truly feel? that it bothers you a little or something idk, Im starting to hate my gender a little...

Why is it, a women using toys and stuff is hot and sexy, and A guy using toys looks stupid, weird or gay? why is that? I just feel bad cause of my BF, hes insanely attractive and such a great guy . but thanks to some women out there...., he feels like.... , he says he doesnt feel like a man. He has insomnia, and depression, hes just all beat up thanks to women out there...

I understand some women cant Orgasm, and Vibrators are a form of helping that etc, see?
that!!! makes sense, ALOT thats sounds perfect, but if you can orgasm and your man or something is doing everything he can for you...then why toys?!?! I dont get it seriously.

There seems to be so much selfishness towards men, and there sexuality, ive been noticing alot,
most toys are directed towards women,

from what ive read Just stroking a penis isnt the only way to make a man orgasm, idk if that is true but ive read alot of things. And coincedence that most men that have all these different ways of pleasuring themselves are gay, I dont see why its just...Ironic.

I know this sounds weird but..well put yourself in my position..Ive been trying to have sex with my BF for like 1 year now, and nothing... im so stressed... and its all because of all this!

I just want someone to talk to lol, Im so ****ed i burned all my toys and everything just to show him I want HIM, but nothing, hes still the same . Any help?

[WildChild]

I don't know. I had a man in my life who would ask if I was using a vibrator or tell me I should,despite my repeatedly telling him that I really don't care much for them. He seemed to feel that I should prefer to give him a bj and then take care of myself with a vibrator. I don't know if other women had this preference or if it was his way of trying to make himself feel that my giving him repeated bjs while he hardly touched me was somehow OK.

[Butterflylily]

I mean...if it was men using toys...i know some men would be like this, but im sure a man would rather have a Hot women, all over them, trying to pleasure him even if it was hard like it is for us, but with time you get there i mean...

Im starting to see Vibrators as....giving up...Women say "Vibrators and toys dont replace a man in bed" LOL your wrong, yes it does...the thing is...I believe that..if your a women and you believe a Man using a vibrator on you is ok?..then buy him stuff :P

Go buy him a Fleshlight, Blowup doll and more, and you'll see how it feels...I know that i will feel very bad and jealous, envious seeing my BF using a blow-up doll or some other toy, right infront of my face when im naked right there!!! trying to pleasure him etc, and even worse!!! he says "its ok you can use it on me, its no big deal" i mean..I dont get it!!

If your in a Relationship open about things like toys and three somes than i guess its ok but if not, then why would you use toys? the thing is...Sex is suppose to be a Emotional Connection and Intimate right? how is that possible with something going "buuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" ?????

just how? I dont see it.... seriously.
Guys are just stubborn :P and If your ok with your women using a Vibrator or something I believe she should let you use a toy yourself while she watches or let you have a threesome or something but no...thanks to so much Discrimination towards men..good guys like my BF all are messed up with Geno phobia...and its killing me :'"(

[Butterflylily]

Sorry i sound a little silly...im just panicking, He recently brought me a Hitachi wand and i didnt even care, i just trew it away...im not as Open as i used to be, I just want him so bad..do you think we should take this to serious help? like therapy or something?

[Bellalla]

I see why you're frustrated, but I think that your man's issues with vibrators are quite unusual.

You say that he feels so inadequate compared to vibrators that he refuses to have sex with you because of it.
This is quite unusual.

Even if a man were to feel inadequate next to a vibrator, refusing to have sex with a woman who insists she wants to have sex with him and NOT a vibrator is suggestive of a larger issue.

Sex is complicated and the same way that some men like to masturbate alone in the shower, sometimes women like to take some time alone to masturbate themselves, and that's what vibrators are for. There is nothing wrong or shameful about masturbation.
Where is becomes a problem is when one partner prefers masturbation in general to being with their partner. That usually means that there is some larger issue, either with one of the partners or between the partners.

Any time one partner is refusing to have sex with the other, I believe that counseling is probably called for to help facilitate communication and to deal with whatever issues are manifesting themselves through lack of sexual cohesiveness.

It's terrible that your man has developed a belief that he is sexually inadequate, but vibrators aren't to blame.
Somehow, he needs to find a renewed sense of sexual confidence and trust in you and your desire for him.

[Bellalla]

.do you think we should take this to serious help? like therapy or something?

Yes.

I brought it up in my last post, but since you've brought it up yourself, then I repeat that yes, a counselor is probably a very very good idea. If he is refusing to have sex with you no matter how much you want him, then this is a bigger issue than you can deal with alone.
There is nothing wrong with seeking help when you need it.
Don't panic, just take a deep breath and make a plan for how you want to work on this.

[Butterflylily]

Well its probably the lies of some women saying Vibrators are better than men, thats why, he says he wont be able to pleasure me and it makes me him feel bad etc...idk what else there is..but thats what we've talked about so far.

Its his past ex's fault i just dont see how a women can prefer some toy over a man.

Edit..He wants to be with me, hes just afraid saying the same thing over and over again.

[Bellalla]

Even if his ex was horrible to him, his level of fear about having sex with you is more than you can possibly handle by yourself.
You need the help of a professional to deal with the kind of sexual fear that he has.

[Maximus]

self-depreciation, belittling and his siblings

From what you describe it seems you have done all you can/could to show him how much you love your bf, and appreciate him. And yet you both seem not to be making progress as far having a healthy sex life.

I will share with you my point of view on the different and interesting questions you raise...

Sorry maybe it sounds mean but im ****ed...My Boyfriend wont have sex with me because, of his past girlfriends, it turns out they would use toys alot etc, and everything made him feel Un-attractive. Thats why hes always buying me toys that i dont even want, seriously. Ive talked to him countless times but its the same, he seems to have this Phobia cause he believes he wont be able to pleasure me like my vibrator does.

I dont get it I mean...

I agree with you. The keyword you used is Phobia, fear.
There is not much you can do, only him can address this issue. Until he realises that buying more toys, is only a mean to fulfill his prophecy than he won't be getting anywhere other than driving himself lower.

If the discussion is too much polarized around toys, he needs to remember that toys are just toys, and in terms of pleasuring a woman.

I personally believe that a man who takes the time to listen, learn, touch the mind, spirit and body of a woman, makes her feel special and unique is far better, special enough on his own right towards any toy. I was thinking "invicible" but I scraped since this leads to make the topic sound like a battle.
There can't be a conflict between a man and a toy.
it's just ludicrous at best...

The question here is, why are some women so ummmm idk im not gonna use bad words but "Why would you have a toy, if theres a guy who wants to pleasure you?"

As a part of a self-discovery project or plain pleasuring yourself. -- off topic...

Why do women say things like "My vibrator is better than any man, its gives me wild orgasm" etc etc... I mean obviously if you say that^, either....

1- your body is way to obbsessed with the Vibe or
2- you just havent met a guy who is Loving, Caring and a good guy unlike "some" men. But if women know its not true, then why do they say it?

It can only be option 2. and why some say it ? That "some" need to re-evaluate the purpose of being in a relationship in the first place. Maybe just not fit to be in one...

I just...need some advice...it ****es me off that because of something like this I cant be with him, and you can IMAGINE how much I WANT HIM!!!!, its driving me crazy. I just need some advice to how to work this out with him.

The advices I can give are:
1. Related to my first point: He needs to rebuild his self-confidence in himself, and his "manhood" --- no pun intended
2. You can share with him all the little things he says, does that make you feel wanting him there and then. In the same line of thought, share with him how your body reacts to him, when he does or says something. This will help him to see himself more and better than a bad replacement of a dildo.
But as a being who has far more to offer in the pleasure department.

And whats the whole deal of Women and toys? i dont get it really, Isnt the touch and care of a man you love and feel attracted to more than enough?
And everything a man can do and has to offer....you know

We are making the same point.

from what ive read Just stroking a penis isnt the only way to make a man orgasm, idk if that is true but ive read alot of things. And coincedence that most men that have all these different ways of pleasuring themselves are gay, I dont see why its just...Ironic.

This is indeed a misconception. I confirm
In fact no woman could stroke better than the man himself, the same way no man could touch you down there the way the woman wants it precisely.
But the most important is to communicate and enjoy the closeness, and not get driven by the obsession of the "O".


Good luck.
V.

[Awoman2]

I don't think I've ever heard of the scenario before, lol.

I agree with you about not needing toys when you have a man right there. I've never wanted to get sex toys for myself because they do not feel the same like holding a man in your arms, and I never wanted to get dependent on them for pleasure. On the other hand, if he wanted to play along that would be interesting; it would be sharing your experience with him. But I love a living breathing man for sex, thank you.

Maybe you can compromise with each other by using the toys together. Maybe you can convince him during the act by putting the toy away after a while and letting him know that you want him, you really want him, not the toy.

Gee, what a problem to have. Good luck with him, my dear. Such a shame to have a perfectly good man and not be able to enjoy him, eh?