[auntie_awesome]

"we both got a second job within the last couple months and he is a full time student but hasn't been focusing on school too much. "

He could simply be exhausted. I know it seems weird because often we expect guys to always be available for sex, but that simply isn't true. Just a thought.

[SSDS]

Hello Sarahann My bf and I were just reading your question. We both noted that in the beginning of a relationship, physicality is easy...everything is so new, and you each are getting to know what the other person likes. But sometimes as a relationship progresses that can slow down for a variety of reasons. My bf thinks that there is no way your guy could have gone from 4x per week to just not really being in the mood. He doesn't think he's cheating exactly, but thinks he's most likely getting his kicks somehow...watching adult film? spending alone time...with himself?

I agree to some extent but think that maybe your guy has some other stuff on his mind in regards to the relationship. You say it is hard sometimes for you to communicate. I think this is so important. Something has to be up...emotionally or physically with him and just let him know that you would love to try to help. Maybe try something different than what you are used to. Just some thoughts. Good Luck

[Sarahann31190]

Thank you all for your input and suggestions.

SSDS- When you say try something different than you are used to, what do you mean?
I actually do think he is "spending time with himself" he made a comment about his hand doing something or other I don't remember. Which doesn't bother me, but up to a certain extent that he would just rather do that than be with me is not okay.

Another thing he has been saying a lot lately is that he doesn't want a birthday or christmas present (both in december). He is so insistent on it too. He just tells me he doesn't want anything and wont take it if I give it to him. It makes me very uncomfortable...#1- why would he not want anything? I understand him not wanting me to spend money on him but thats my choice not his #2- the way he says it and is so persistent about it makes me almost feel like he's hiding a reason but says he doesn't have one.

[Sarahann31190]

Another thing, I recently said this to him in a message and we talked about it later.

-when im feeling sad or emotional, all i want you to do is hold me and tell me its going to be okay.
-when i hang out with you, the thing to do with you thats on the top of my list is just sit there and have you hold me in your arms.
-i want you to do random things for me, even just a tiny flower you picked somewhere or a note telling me you love me. i like the little things.
-i want you to tell me how your feeling, if somethings bothering you, tell me. it doesnt help any situation if you just hold things in.
-i like when you show me your thinking about me, not just tell me.
-i love when you kiss me on the forehead, its more of a "you mean the world to me kiss" in my opinion, and i love it

since I know I shouldn't be expecting him to know what I want, I should tell him, I did.
now granted he is doing this a bit more but not what I would like.
I am always spoiling him, thinking about him, when I'm out shopping, it's never about me...I see something and think, "oh he would like this" or "i should get this for him". We actually work at the same 2 jobs, and when I come in I bring him food and drinks or whatever. Im ALWAYS thinking about him. I feel like I'm not getting the same thing back though and it's starting to really bother me. I wanted to be treated equally and not like I should always be doing things for him, he should be doing things for me too. I leave notes on his car, saying I love you have a great day, thinking about you. Things like that. All I want is reciprocation....

[SSDS]

I think your email was a good step in helping the communication between you guys.

When I said about you two trying something different I guess I meant in the bedroom. But, and I say this very much from an outsider's point of view who doesn't know the full extent of your relationship, are you sure there isn't something more going on with your guy?

My bf thought it was a bit of a red flag telling you he didn't want any gifts, because he saw it as a way to avoid you being nice to him so that ultimately he didn't feel guilty when he did the same.

You sound like you are trying real hard to make it work between you...I think that's nice, but reciprocation is nice too, especially if that is what you are looking for. Maybe your guys just needs a little space--you say you work together too. Do you have interests and friends outside of him. That's important too.

Hope this helps.

[WildChild]

This sounds all too familiar. You can try and try but if he won't meet you half way, it's probably best to move on.
When you are ALways thinking of himand the he just isn't thinking of you, your needs are not going to be met. By all means, talk and see if you can help him understand what you need from him but don't so invested that you can't walk away if he doesn't get it.