[.C.]

Hi, my boyfriend of 9 months and i started having sex a month or two ago (both virgins).

Sex leaves him happy and very affectionate, where as sex leaves me confused, frustrated and tense.

To be perfectly honest, I don't get it. I find the whole sex thing confusing and more than a little bewildering lol. theres no pain, & my boyfriend is very loving & wants to be accommodating.
I just don’t ‘get’ sex, so the lack of understanding on my part, in addition to my lack of sexual interest, makes sex incredibly frustrating.

I don't masturbate & have not fantasized since I was 14, as I have no desire to.

My question is basically, is it normal to be so uninterested in sex? & how do I trigger some sort of desire?

I have never had any negative sexual experiences, I am not sick, I've never suffered from depression, and I workout daily. I don't think the issue is physical as there is no pain from sex.

While I am generally a confident person, I wouldn't say I'm totally comfortable with the idea of sex. Even though mentally I know it's a perfectly normal & healthy thing, my emotional reaction to sex seems to be to find it vulgar and to tense up.
While I'm sure this is because I am so new to it, I would still like to know how I can improve/change this. I feel bad for my boyfriend, because while he is very supportive, I am sure my lack of enthusiasm is frustrating for him! & of course, I also want to want sex for myself too!

Any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated! Thanks

[lizzardb63]

Are you on any antidepressants or birth controls? Both can kill your sex drive. Give it some time and keep trying. Try to relax and just be in the moment and whatever happens happens. I can tell you that women don't orgasm just from penial sex (at least not the majority, some can), but I think maybe you have too high of expectations of it? I think it just takes experience and experimenting to get to where you want to be. Relax and just go with the flow.

[Ashlee T.]

I second the question about are you taking birth control?

I don't think it's incredibly uncommon for a female of your age to not have a high sex drive. Lots of gals your age haven't even had sex yet. Guys are different. Men are in their most sexual years at different points in their lives than are women. I didn't particularly enjoy it then either. Wasn't something I craved, it was just something I did cause I thought I was supposed to with my boyfriend. It wasn't until mid 20's that I started to really be interested in it, long for it, etc. And it was also around that time I became familiar enough with myself to really know what pleases me.

I think you're just not ready, not mentally, not physically, not emotionally. And there's NOTHING wrong with that. You should never have sex because you feel obligated to. Or because you wanted to try it, and then decided you weren't ready to continue. You have that right.

[.C.]

Hi Thanks for both your responses. You might be right, maybe I am just not ready for this yet. I was on birth control during september and october, but am no longer on it (taking anti-biotics for skin related issues that counteract BC)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Seriously? It may be one of those three but femaile viagra? what for? work on the reason and you have the answer guess the mods whilst i sleep will see if you say the same over and over and therefore are spamming OR not