[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, no one answered my question. No, I'm not after sex but of course I like a good bit of romance every now and then. And I stated clearly that I've hosted and been hosted by 10 women and I only made a move once, when I did make my move, I just grabbed for her hand and when she pulled away I didn't press things and pretended as if nothing had happened after that. Let me quote rc

That's how I feel. I'm not looking to score but if the chemistry is there and she is up for it, then I'm ready. My question was do you think she was up for it.

but still i would have really enjoyed some action and i regret that i was not more aggressive about getting some fun. anyway, what do you think she was thinking?

Romance..... conversation, look in the eyes, flirting, a kiss.

Chemistry... more than kissing, touching, and or sex...

You are still stating that, you are hosting and being hosted for the purpose of some form of sex, doesn't matter how you word it Mr Smith, you state you wish that you were more aggressive about getting some fun... That is working towards gaining for your favour.

You still state but if the chemistry is there, and she's up for it, then your ready. That's still stating you are doing this in order to gain something in your favour...

It's using a perfectly harmless situation for gain...

In any event,

My question was do you think she was up for it.

No.. you made a move, you grabbed her hand, she pulled away.. She was not "interested" and more than likely didn't expect it, wasn't there for that reason, and was probably scared as well, and now wonders if she will ever do the hosts again..

I will stand by the previous posters in this, you can not use situations that are thought to be, "safe" to score women for any reason, be it sex, romance, chemistry, bj's, etc, etc...

Stick to those methods that offer that to you at a price, as that way no women is going to fear of being hit on, when they had no intentions of being touched / or having to even go through that experience...

I do not understand why you can't "hear" what people are saying, that you feel that it's ok to try on every woman and deliberately join sites that may give you your needs, only your needs, like a preditor...

Off course, they have to be willing but you are acting like a preditor and you are approaching what women think is "safe" places in order to do so...

That's my opinion.

I will warn people to be tactful in their future replies, I'm not judging you, but I am asking you to review what is written by the members and see if you can see that is how we "see" based on what you are writing and we "feel" that it is wrong..

Can you not see that?

I answered your question...

CW

[Ashlee T.]

Bob....I want to answer your questions, want to help you....if I didn't, I wouldn't respond. Sometimes in order to adequately answer your questions, I need to know more info than what you've shared. As CW stated, it's not intended as judgment. When additional questions are asked, as were in this case, it's for clarification so that we can understand the situation and give the best response we know how.

Your case, is one a bit confusing. Because you say you're saving yourself, but you're posting on the "sex" forum and talking about wanting "action". "I'm not looking to score but if she is up for it then I am ready." Can you see where people would get a bit confused by that? So we ask questions, to clarify before we answer. If it makes you feel defensive.....then perhaps YOU are not totally comfortable with what you're doing.

Did you do the right thing by backing off? From what you've told us, absolutely. This is a stranger, someone who like you said has put their trust in you for a place to safely stay for the night. I think it's safe to say that most women prefer to be courted to some extent before allowing someone to "score" with them. I'd say that women who are out to meet a stranger and instantly become physically intimate with him, are not the norm. So if you just met this gal, I think watching a movie in which there are raunchy sex scenes is inappropriate and I'd say this made her EXTREMELY uncomfortable. In addition, I think any intimate physical contact with her at that point (unless she initiated it) is inappropriate whether she's 25 or 45. So yes, you did the right thing by backing off. I would suggest next time, a fun loving movie with no uncomfortable sex scenes, an innocent meeting of two people who have an agreement with no intentions of pursuing any "action".

When the right gal comes along, you won't have to try so hard.

[rcoreyus]

Most people are pretty good at reading body language (and it sounds like you read this correctly as well). In a situation where a man and woman are alone together they give subtle signs - and each can either escalate or not. I don't t think there is anything wrong with a subtle (and I mean subtle) hint - a smile, maybe a non-sexual comment about her appearance if it seems appropriate. If she dismisses it, then that's it - go back to safe conversation until she decides something. If she says something to encourage you, then you can up the ante a bit - and wait for the next response.

[bob_smith]

I've only had time to read these threads until now. Before I read them I had already concluded that she was certainly not up for it. I just didn't want to admit it earlier. In retrospect it seems obvious that she was clearly not in the mood. I'm glad I didn't make a move because the last thing I want to do is misread a women, make a move, and her make her feel uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure she was in a relationship because the next day she was talking to someone intimately on the telephone for about an hour or so. I'm pretty sure it was a man, but it might have been a woman, in any case she did not hide the fact that i was there from whomever she was talking to. If I was in a relationship I wouldn't host women.

A lot of women thought I was expressly using the site to hook up. For the 18th time I said I've hosted and been hosted by about 10 women and I only made a move once. When I put in a request for a host I usually ignore the women but sometimes I just can't help myself. Even if nothing happens I can't deny that I enjoy the excitement of being a strange man in a strange woman's home. I just can't deny that I enjoy the excitement and the anticipation of something maybe happening.

[bob_smith]

Because you say you're saving yourself, but you're posting on the "sex" forum and talking about wanting "action". "I'm not looking to score but if she is up for it then I am ready." Can you see where people would get a bit confused by that?

When I say action I just mean kissing and hugging, nothing more, which you have to admit is almost as exhilirating as sex itself.

I think watching a movie in which there are raunchy sex scenes is inappropriate and I'd say this made her EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

She was the one who brought the movie up so it was rather natural that I ask her to watch it. Besides the movie four weddings and a funeral is not exactly what I call a raunchy sex movie. I don't think there are any naked breasts in it.

[bob_smith]

Also, by the way, my host for tonight was a guy and his girlfriend. I really hate that when a guy's girlfriend is super nice to me. It makes me feel very awkward and uncomfortable. I don't like looking at another guy's girlfriend too much because I think that would upset him. Plus the guy's girlfriend was rather good looking so it was really hard to not look her way. I think I did a good job in pretending to be normal.

[bob_smith]

You are still stating that, you are hosting and being hosted for the purpose of some form of sex, doesn't matter how you word it Mr Smith, you state you wish that you were more aggressive about getting some fun... That is working towards gaining for your favour.

I want to respond directly to this because I'm very offended by it, because you're implying that I'm dirty and immoral and morality and integrity is something I care very strongly about and I take strong offense when someone calls me immoral. I don't put in a request with the express intention of having sex. I haven't had sex in 10 years and I can resist it no problem. But whenever you're alone with a woman in their house of course you're thinking about at least touching each other. My intention is not to try to get some "action" but if it happens I have nothing against it and I have never pressed the matter. On one occasion it might have occurred that the women seriously wanted to touch but I didn't reciprocate but of course I'm not certain.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

We are starting to see a different side of you, but, congratulate yourself for observing a good looking women, knowing she was taken and looking away, that's respect.

It's also good that you didn't want to make a woman feel un-comfortable.

I think you need to get assistance in how to read a woman, to see, instead of trying to see, does that make sense?

It seems that you are open to any area can be there to view, but that you can't ascertain body language if someone is interested or not interested in you, in any situation...

Have you ever read a body language book?

Your suggesting that your using all aspect of possible dating, in order to date... Then trying to ascertain if there is interest but each time so far, you think there might be but after thought establish there wasn't...

It also seems that you advance, make moves and make those women shut off and you have no closure as to why, except in this instance where it was evident she had a person in her life, maybe long distance, but evident

You are having trouble reading signals and communicating as well that your are maybe after affection, not relations unless you find the person your and like everyone is trying to find

We gleen what we do, because you do have it in your head that if they are "ok" for cuddles, kissing, then you want it... If they are ok for a bj, you are ok for it.. And, that maybe? Because your sexually frustrated? Not living normal, that you are seeking something that is like 1 in 10000 to find.... in the way in which you are trying to find it....

The ways you discuss, in a supermarket, says sex, in a host, arms over her, says, sex...

You need to just talk... Tell people who you are, what you are, what you are after, and tell them that your there for friendship, let them deside if they feel something more or want to give more...

CW

[bob_smith]

It seems that you are open to any area can be there to view, but that you can't ascertain body language if someone is interested or not interested in you, in any situation...

Have you ever read a body language book?

I think i'm good at reading signals, what i'm not good at it is admitting the truth of the signals. For example, i generally know when she's not up for it, but it's hard for me to accept that fact so i make an unwanted move anyway. it's been a very long time since that's happened however. i've been very isolated from society recently.

[bob_smith]

It seems that you are open to any area can be there to view, but that you can't ascertain body language if someone is interested or not interested in you, in any situation...

Have you ever read a body language book?

I think i'm good at reading signals, what i'm not good at it is admitting the truth of the signals. For example, i generally know when she's not up for it, but it's hard for me to accept that fact so i make an unwanted move anyway. it's been a very long time since that's happened however. i've been very isolated from society recently.