[Cojack]

I have been with my girlfriend now just over a year and have been sleeping with each other the same length of time. We have sex maximum about once a week, but average is about once every 10 days. I personally would like to have sex more often, but my girlfriend never thinks about sex and has a very low sex drive. She never initiates sex, i think in the last year she has about 3 times. She doesnt masturbate ever and when we do have sex she doesnt do alot, just lays there and expects me to do all the work. She cannot talk about sex and when i ask her questions about our sex life she just says i dont know so she doesnt have to talk about it which really annoys me.

Now, my questions is, so i just except it and forget about it, or do i raise it as a real issues as im starting to get down that my girlfriend never wants to have sex and never starts it off. I feel like im not good enough or that she doesnt want me.

Everytime i initiate sex she just rolls over and says she is too tired, or has a stomach ache etc. the classic.

Is sex once every 7 to 10 days very bad? should it be more like 3 or 4 timesa a week?

I am 21 and she is 22 so we are young and fit.

Any help would be great.


Thanks

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, she may have a low sex drive, or she may feel that she's just there for sex or she may have been taught it's just to have babies, she may have fallen out of love and in a frienship phase who knows?

You need to talk further and establish that...

Ask her how she relates to sex, what she thinks it means, but also how intimate are you, holding hands, kissing for no reason, cuddling her without wanting sex, making her feel loved, or is it, making her feel like what is wrong? Sex is good?

Some women feel that if they are meat, they can't be sexual and make up those excuses, we need affection, love and to feel that sex is bonding not sex for the sake of it, as your needs...

Maybe you need to review the "mating call"...

CW

[lizzardb63]

I was like that with my last relationship, but it's because there were things lacking in other departments of our relationship. He didn't make me feel special and never put in the extra effort to make me feel good, so I guess I felt taken advantage of. Therefore, I really didn't like sex. Also- is your girlfriend on birth control? Whenever I was on birth control, my sex drive dropped off the map. It's a common thing, but don't think that's the answer. Analyze your relationship, it could be something else.

[Guest]

There are alot of thread on this subject....sex drive....so if I were you, I'd do a search and see what you can find. There are also a whole bunch of people in here who have all kinds of experiences that you may find helpful, so keep an open mind.

As for her lack of sex drive or your lack of sex, as Lizzard above "it could be something else"....it generally is something else. Lack of sex or lack of desire for sex is a symptom of something else going on with that person. You may have to turn over a lot of stones to find out what it is but it's worth it.

Welcome to the forum. It's a great place for open minded people.

[Cojack]

I go to the ends of the earth to make her feel pretty and sexy and loved. I love her with all my heart. I buy her flowers for no reason, i cook her food and do anything i can to help her. I tell her i love her often, but not too often. She is on birth control and has been for thr last 6 years? I try my hardest to not make her feel like i just want sex, i offer massages and cuddles and to run baths, but she never wants any of that. Maybe she feels it will lead to sex?!?

As a person she is not affectionate at all, she doesnt normally kiss me first and is not affextionate in public.

Just like to say WC, ive read post from you for months and its wierd seeing you reply to one of my post, hehe thanks..... its like you a celeb!

[lizzardb63]

Hmm...well if she doesn't kiss you and isn't very affectionate...I'd DEFINITELY analyze your relationship. Perhaps she is holding back her true feelings about you. Maybe she lost that passion. Ask her how she really feels about you and your relationship. Maybe she is too afraid to say anything first. It just comes down to talking to her about it, and don't accept "i dont know" as an answer.

[Cojack]

Yer, ive read a million and one threads about low sex drive etc and have read them all with opens eyes to see if anything can help me out. Ive tried so hard to talk to her about our sex life and issues with have but she just closes down and wont talk, i think she finds it embarrassing or something. Im going to put sex on the back burner, not try to have sex but just make her feel amazing and cared for, maybe that way she wont think i want sex, and natually it will come.

[lizzardb63]

You can't put sex on the back burner. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. It's what sets you apart from the other people of the world. It's something you can share together to show your true feelings and be totally intimate with you. Ignoring the issue will not change anything or make it better. What makes you think it will all of a sudden change?

[Cojack]

thank you lizzard, ive tried telling myself not to accept "i dont know" as an answer bucause its not, its her trying to get out of it and not talk. Its been like this from day one, and ive had this convo with her so many times and nothing changes, She said last night she will not force her self to have sex when she doesnt want to, so if she wants it once a fortnight, thats how its going to go, which angered me because i compromise with her so often and to her its her way or the high bugged me..... just want her to talk about our sex life and grow up a bit

[x.st.angel.x]

She is on birth control and has been for thr last 6 years?

I reckon that is definately a factor... when i was on hormone based birth control my sex drive dropped dramatically!