[Texasred]

If it's this hormone then several people out there just don't have it. So many give endless and frequent massages for several years, make it known that it's not about it leading to sex, only to have their partners fall asleep or want to do something else in the end.

Interesting to know, but I'm afraid it may not be just this.

Too right. Oxytocin must just not be there in everyone. I'm sure some folks feel it, but not all people, not by a long shot.
I can give world-class massages, and my wife just falls asleep. OK, it's nice knowing my work is appreciated!
And I've developed a skill that others might appreciate...

[ItsASecret]

Too right. Oxytocin must just not be there in everyone. I'm sure some folks feel it, but not all people, not by a long shot.

Everyone has it, this is just another typical grasping at straws for a biological reason type reason. If it were as simple as "rub her back it releases oxytocin which she cannot resist reacting to!" then there would be no issues from trying this method out. Well it ain't an end all be all cure just like the other "obvious medical reasons" which are constantly proposed. It all comes back to the psychological status of the individual which cannot be changed without their doing so.

[oxy-moron]

I was not trying to build sexual arousal- I was trying to rebuild and re-establish.
I recommend foot scalp and neck massage- not massage that will lead to sex.
Falling asleep is not a problem- the oxytocin will still rise in the masseur and I
suspect in the sleeping person. Oxytocin levels will rise in the whole family. It has been proven that mated pairs of life bonded monkeys have he same Oxytocin levels-
Things I have noticed are that changed are that are a far better sex when you do get around to having it. Not only that but the wife has stopped reading intimacy porn(love stories)
Also better relationships with your children. More eye contact with your spouse.
Of course if the spouse has moved out of the bedroom it will be a struggle.

I am starting to give more credence to the Coolidge effect described in Cupids Poison Arrow- I know this book had been mentioned on this site before on a book list. The author has tied a lot of things together and made the relentless hunt for Orgasm seem like a big mistake for long term relationships.

[ItsASecret]

Falling asleep is not a problem-

Yeah, thanks to the circadian rhythm of melatonin.

Rub a person all day and all night and they may not "re-establish" a sexual arousal or desire even if their oxytocin levels increase, there is no end all be all method. Many men with issues in their sex life here on this site would absolutely opt to trying an all day massage if it meant it could have the potential to increase their SO's desire (maybe not for that night but in general increase her desire). It does not work. It is an unfortunate dead end like everything else, it is up to the individual with the lack of desire to determine if they want to be sexual or not. No words of encouragement, no secret magic touch method, no household chores is going to guarantee any results. It is all up to the one individual in the middle of the situation.

[stressed]

I agree with ItsAsecret. One can rub neck, feet, arms, chest, knees, face, scalp, ribs, fingers, hair (I have rubbed everything, seriously) for hours and hours, for days, weeks, months, years, whether there's sleep afterwards or something else, if the person isn't interested then s/he's not interested. In the end you have more chances for the other to ask your for massages, since "you have a talent for it" and since they're so relaxing and loving, than to make your partner interested in sex.

I don't disagree that it can make sex better, with all this amount of relaxing any kind of pleasure must definitely feel more, but it just doesn't make the other think about sex. At best they might just stop asking for massages because they realize you may have sex in your mind when you do it. Then they might even believe that "oh that's why s/he gives me massages, it's not out of love, it's for stupid sex, s/he doesn't love me only wants to use me".

Falling asleep is not just a problem, but after a hundred of massages that lead to nothing it also becomes emotionally painful.

[rcoreyus]

Massages are great - but Stressed is right, expecting them to lead to sex (near or long term) is setting yourself up for frustration. Since most people actively want good sex, I think it is very difficult for them to imagine someone who doesn't. There is a natural assumption that there is something you can do to make your SO want more sex - but at least in my experience there isn't.