[Hopeless Dork]

I was sort of mostly with you all the way to just before the above. Then I involuntarily laughed. I could hear her response, "What, you don't get enough of me already? I should already be enough for you. Are you some sort of pervert or something?" Not that she would ever actually say that (I sure never would), just that I can hear it being said.

I just mean I think sometimes women fear experimentation because they think it means that their man is bored of them, and think whats next he's going to want to sleep with another woman? Some women think adding more to the bedroom is a slippery slope, which obviously it isn't. Some of this idea that if they give an inch their going to be required to give a mile and so like to keep the status quo.

I think he'd have to evalute how he should approach the topic in the way he knows she will be more responsive to. I think making it clear that she is the fantasy, that the idea of doing other things to and with HER is an exciting thought to him is something that if conveyed may help her to understand its not that she is boring or isn't enough and he isn't grasping at straws to stay interested... but rather wanting to incorperate new things just to add some extra fun now and then.

[funlovingmale]

I think he'd have to evalute how he should approach the topic in the way he knows she will be more responsive to. I think making it clear that she is the fantasy, that the idea of doing other things to and with HER is an exciting thought to him is something that if conveyed may help her to understand its not that she is boring or isn't enough and he isn't grasping at straws to stay interested... but rather wanting to incorperate new things just to add some extra fun now and then.

Sound advice and I think that you have hit the nail on the head! She actually asked if I was bored with her. I'm not going to push it as there does seem to be a risk, as identified in two posts, that she may end up wanting the toy instead of me and then struggling to orgasm with me! Then the plan would have backfired...so I'm going with the flow for now. Thank you all!

[Allie602]

funlovingmale I wanted to advise you on something else that might create a problem. Getting angry or acting disappointed if she is not interested in doing something and being to aggressive about getting what you want. This creates problems because when you get angry and disappointed it's very unpleasant for her and creates a negative association with sex with you and any thing you might suggest.

Sometimes, no may mean no for now, the operative word is maybe. I am not suggesting that you pester her or badger her constantly but just plant an idea and let it grow. If you get angry the seed never gets planted because of the negative association with your anger and disappointment. If you mention it constantly when she says no then you may stifle the growth of the idea and meet with resistance. Think of it this way, you plant an idea in her mind about something new and she rejects it because she thinks that you are not happy with her. But the idea is there and may become appealing at a later time. The way to make it appealing is to be loving always with things related to your intimacy, make it about her and let her know that you are happy with her.

You may want to avoid showing angry and disappointed because that says that you don't appreciate the sex lives you have and that you are entitled to better. You would like to have better but I don't think a sense of entitlement gets anywhere in relationships. Perhaps the best relationships are those that have reasonable expectations for mutual satisfaction. If you feel entitled, then you are never happy and appreciative with what you have but looking for what you feel you should get.

This is malady that our society is struggling with now, many people think they are entitled to money, success, high status, hot monkey sex bla bla. Think about the people involved in the banking scandal. That sense of entitlement pervades every aspect of our lives but, if you think about it no one is entitled to anything. We want things but we may or may not get them. That's life. A man with a loving wife with whom he is intimate, kids, a job, friends and family, house and car has a lot more than many people in the world and in this country. He could lose it all as many have in the is economic downturn. So why should he be unhappy or dissatisfied, why not grateful and working towards better.

I'll tell you how I feel sometimes when my bf presents something new. I wonder if it is about me or some porn that he has seen and he wants to plug me into the staring role. I don't interfere with his viewing of porn, that's his business as long as it does not interfere with the quality of our relationship. However, I think sex should be about the two people involved, I have my likes and dislikes some things I am open for some not. I bring myself into the relationship with my bf and I accept him and his likes and dislikes. But if it does not match up then I think it should be dropped. This is where the trouble begins one person, wants something the other does not, what to do. If the relationship is about the two people then you find something you both like and that's it. If one person gets angry it is look they don't accept the person they are with but they want someone else.

Bf never gets angry with me and the seed scenario I pointed out above has worked for me because he asks I say no doesn't sound like something I want and he says OK and he is just as loving as before. Then I begin to think and research (I always research things) and think about it and I have said "I read about it and I think I would look to try". No negative associations are in my head, I feel free to make the choice because he loves me even if I don't want some sex act, so I feel reassured that this is about the two of us and not just him. I hope this helps and maybe apply it to your relationship.

Being patient, loving and appreciative always pays off. It leaves each person in the relationship free to move together and explore without feelings of resentment at being coerced into doing something so as not to deal with an angry uncooperative partner.

I am not saying you do any of these things. Sometimes I go off on a tangent, kind of thinking out loud. Since the poor people reading this can't make me shut up, I write about my developing life's philosophy with impunity . Allie

[pretzel]

As to the OP, I'd say let this one rest for now. I wouldn't necessarily be angry or upset but some times when something new is intoduced there are processes that need to be worked through. It took a while for my wife to be comfortable using something other than myself to aid in her pleasure. But it's an aid, not a substitute. It doesn't come out all the time but when she wants to use it, great. If not, great. She was never one to be a great experimenter (and for that fact, neither am I) but we got it together and because she had an input into the decision as to 1) get it in the first place and 2) using it only when she wanted the trepidation surrounding it was lessened.

[funlovingmale]

Thanks Allie, pretzel and all who have taken the time to post heartfelt wisdom here. I feel a lot happier now.

[Allie602]

flm I am so glad. I hope you stay happy. When you fall into impatience it always goes back and forth, try to get out of it quickly so does not put unpleasantness in association with sex with your wife. I think what will help is when you begin to notice success and then you have faith that things are working and one success leads to another.

From my own experience, of the 3 men that I have been with, my sexual relaxation and feeling has been very different and it depended on their attitude. An example was my first relationship, my ex seemed to get into the lets do this or that in the first few months that we were together.

I felt that he wanted the relationship so he would have someone to try things out on. He got angry when I was reluctant and the anger reinforced my feelings. I know he loved me because all of the things he did for us was consistent with being in love but, I could not shake the feeling. I'm trying to say, be the type of man that allows her to blossom and not the type who makes her nervous and weary by making it seem like it something that you want to do to her for your pleasure and not something you are really interested in enjoying only if she does. Stay happy.

[ivanaderson]

Ouch...I think the better starter would have been a pocket rocket and no blindfold... The rocket is small, and works well as an accessory to just about anything you'd "normally" do. Unfortunately, the "Rabbit" is pretty much the whole show and works more like a "substitute" than extra spice...