[Ashlee T.]

i believe counseling is a rip off. i'm not going to pay someone 200 dollars for advice that i can get from a friend

How's that working for you?

[bob_smith]

just as good as counseling would

[Ashlee T.]

just as good as counseling would

you've had counseling before?

What do your lady friends tell you when you ask them for advice on these issues?

[bob_smith]

you've had counseling before?

What do your lady friends tell you when you ask them for advice on these issues?

My best friend actually scolds me for getting so upset with myself for hiring prostitutes. she knows that i have tried hard in the past to control my sexual urges, so she really takes the tact that i'm being too hard on myself. my pastor (male) is also very pro-porn and encourages its use. my mom is also rather pro-porn and thinks it's not a problem, though she doesn't know about the prostitutes part. but she thinks prostitution should be legal. basically everyone thinks i'm way too hard on myself except for the people in my 12 step group which i haven't been to in two years.

[Guest]

I think the counseling would be greatly important too, bob. Your views on women, and sex, I don't know how you developed them but they are crippling you from a normal healthy relationship. You are looking for something that doesn't exsist, maybe so you won't feel so bad about being alone? Like , meh, no ones good enough for me anyway... let me just warm up this tv dinner and watch some porn. But does that really comfort you? Do you still feel like something is missing? The fact that you are posting here makes it seem like you do realize you want more out of your exsistence. It seems like you only turn your attention to women that would not be interested in you, the couch surfing, strippers, prosititutes... women that are relating to strictly because you are paying them or because they are extending some form of charity (letting you stay at their home).

Its almost as if you avoiding women that may actually like you, so that if they don't... you won't have to deal with rejection. So instead you set your sights only on women that at the very least won't deny you attention, a bj, offering you a room, giving you a lapdance etc. You don't talk at all about any interactions with women where you have to put forth an effort to gain their interest... and until you do you won't meet any genuine, or at least anyone genuine that is looking for something similiar.

Really I think counseling would benefit you.

wow...this almost sounds like me. except the hookers part. but i won't lie, i've wondered what a solitary life of just banging hookers would be like...one would obviously need a lot of money to live that life.

[Allie602]

Bob Please don't take offense but do you have Aspeger syndrome? When I read your past post, I am impressed by the fact that you have a hard time reading and relating to people, particularly woman. You seem to regard women as persons with no feelings of their own but just if they are useful to you for sex. Not an accusation but an observation.

BTW Bill Gates has Asberger, Charles Darwin, Einstein, Henry Ford. Usually very bright people with a single focus in life.

Bob do you think that your desire to have a relationship only with a woman you will marry is a not so much a religious choice but a way of avoiding relationships because of past problems relating to woman? I think your decision was sincere but is there may be deeper issues. Do you think that may be true? If you work on these issues do you think that all the other areas in your life be cleared. I think that going to prostitutes and lap dancers is because you have a natural need for an emotional and sexual connection with a woman. I think you really need to work on understanding your attitudes towards women and you can only do this with a therapist and complete openness. Think honestly if this may be true.

I believe if you can carefully examine your motives and face them squarely with support, you will meet with success in your life with a special woman, love and kids. I hope you don't take this as an affront, I had to say what I see in the hope That it will help.

[Allie602]

I also think that Bob should not be criticized for revealing this. He sounds just as confused by the contradictions in his life as anyone would be.

He is reaching out to us for help understanding and acceptance there are more than enough people on this board who can do that for this man. Bob came to a woman site, that's significant, could he be he is looking for the nurturing and carefully handling from woman? So lets try and help him through his troubles and maybe help him to see that he is not bad but normal and needs to expand his life to include those things that are missing that is leading him to seek inappropriate choices. I don't think anything in life is by accident, he has came here for help; we get a chance to really make an impact on someones life.

[rcoreyus]

Bob, I think you need to think about your beliefs. If you think the prostitutes are not in any way coerced (most are not), then why do YOU think what you are doing is bad? Who is it harming?

Other than making you feel badly about yourself, do you think this is harming you? Are you spending too much money? Too much time? Worried about disease?

Since you are doing something you don't want to be doing, I think it qualifies as an addiction. Do you have a compulsive personality in other ways?

[Hopeless Dork]

Bob, I think you need to think about your beliefs. If you think the prostitutes are not in any way coerced (most are not), then why do YOU think what you are doing is bad? Who is it harming?

Actually Rcorey, I think the rate of 'trafficked' prostitutes in germany is higher than in the united states. Lots of women brought in from very poor countries and areas and forced to work off debts or forced to work under the threat of danger to themselves or their families back home.

I don't think a guy should have to feel bad about seeing a prostitute that is some 20something and above woman, that got herself in the business for the money or thrill like in nevada brothels etc. But most teenage hookers are runaways with nothing else to earn money with but their body, are under heavy influence of pimps or drugs or both... and many european prostitutes are trafficked like I mentioned above.

Its the men that pay for prostitutes that are fueling the human traffiking industry, if there was no demand ... these pimps would not profit and would stop with that process eventually. I understand that prositution has its purpose and has since the dawn of time, oldest profession etc. Its just a tragedy the number of women and children that are forced into the situation, which puts them at such danger for disease, physical harm and emotional scarring that may never repair itself.

[Ashlee T.]

I think when someone really wants help, really feels that what they're doing is wrong, then they do not come back with a rebuttal for every piece of advice or logic given to them. When you present yourself as already knowing all the answers, then people wonder, "what exactly do you want from us?" There have been many responses to these threads, many questions asked to gain understanding, advice given to try to help the addictions, advice given to try to help the OP understand himself a bit better, etc etc.

I do not think the OP really wants our help. I think he wants to type about his latest hunts, the details of them, almost like a diary....except he wants people to read them..etc.......

We all WANT to help. But what is there to help when the OP doesn't seem to want help?