[CHANDLERS WISH]

I couldn't agree more than men and women view sex differently. Men view it as rejection and think "she doesn't love me" if his wife doesn't have sex with him. I am the type of woman that if you help me out, show you actually care about the relationship (by putting in your share of the workload at home), show some appreciation, maybe do something unexpected and thoughtful, I'm more in the mood for sex than if he were to just say "hey baby, wanna wrestle?" or groping me. Often times I feel like a piece of meat, and I didn't used to feel that way. But since I haven't gotten the emotional security I've needed for a while. He just says "Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my wife?!" No, it's not wrong, I'm glad he still is, even with my pregnant body, but without the emotional support, I feel like just another woman he sees (or knows) that he is sexually attracted to.

Have you actually really told him this?

So many women feel like they are objects as to the reason they don't want sex, until it's happening then it's just a pleasure, but to advise a man of this, that if only he understood emotional connection equals MORE sex and lot's off it, as you can't wait to see him nakkid would have so many relationships in a better place....

I understand the demand of that work, the hours, early rise, the pay and the "boys"...My ex husband was in that trade, he now lectures it..

Your husband mentions a "dirty home"....you've said that twice.... so that suggests, you don't have time between all your doing, and constantly pick up after the kids, especially the one with ADHD....

What's wrong with getting a bit of help? Maybe you'll not be as stressed, he won't be so stressed...

I think he misses "family"......that includes all that marriage is about because he's away so much being a batchelor....he wants to come home to a happy wife, that wants to see him and "feel' him and a tidy home.

Take be bull by the horns so to speak, what you give you usually receive back...

Remember, they have emotions as well... he may sincerely want a picked fence marriage to come home to and you may very well get the attention/affection you seek if you iew it all differently

CW

[JadedQueen]

Tell your husband you need some foreplay to get into the mood and your ideal foreplay is:
1. A husband that pitches in around the house and with the kids.
2. A nice long relaxing bath or some other "me" time activity that you enjoy with him taking care of the kids (and actually taking care of them instead of ignoring them creating more messes for you to clean up)
3. Moving the child out of your bedroom

Sounds to me like you have a lot on your plate and while your husband does provide for you and the children he doesn't sound like he does much more than that. Is he completely oblivious to everything you do for him and your family? Is your husband a competitive man? If so you may be able to "trick" him into walking in your shoes for just one day (and if you can make sure you make him a list of everything that you would do/have to do on a typical day) with the exception of your school work he should be able to do the tasks that you typically do in the course of a day and maybe after he see's exactly what you do in the course of a day he may find some appriciation for all that you do and pitch in to help you out when he is home.
I agree with Chandlers Wish that I think your hubby is just saying that stuff about "almost cheating" to some how GUILT you into having sex with him more often. Personally unless there are women throwing themselves at him at work I doubt you have to worry about him cheating on you, cuz he sounds like a very lazy man (not sure how hard he works at work but he should be able to pitch in when he's home at least a little bit) and probably won't put forth the time/energy/effort to find someone that is willing to be his mistress. Talk to him.... find a way to communicate to him and get him to realize that your plate is overflowing and you need his help. Marriage is a partnership and even though he works and is away for 6 days at a time he needs to find a way to pitch in when he is home. I'm afraid if you don't find some help/relief from all that you do soon, you will have a nervous breakdown or something. Marriage is a partnership and maybe when he gets off his rear on his day's off and acts like a partner in your marriage you might find the time to be in the mood and actually have the desire to have sex.