[jns]

I certainly hopes he beats the xy that is his opponent. That xy certainly doesn't have any class and he needs to pay for his sins. Good luck. Let him help build an edge by not having sex the night before.

[kristalyn_04]

Well, his attitude about this match and this sport in general is unlikely to change, so the best you can do is support him in his decision and make sure he knows you still love him no matter what happens.

I let him know that in order for him to earn my respect he's gotta get back in the ring and take this guy down, but the only way to do that with 100% certainty is to train hard like a true fighter.

Forgive me Chloe, but I see an issue with this statement. Are you saying you won't respect him unless he wins this fight? That is going to put a lot of pressure on him, and if he doesn't win, you two will be right back to the same issue because he will think you don't feel the same about him anymore if he loses.

That's the type of man I respect, a man who works for himself to the breaking point in the gym and in practice to make sure that when he goes into the ring he's fighting at his full potential.

THIS is what he needs to know. You will respect him for working so hard toward something, the effort and dedication he put into this is what you will respect, whether he wins or loses.

Also, I honestly don't think your sex life should be dictated by the outcome of every fight. Is that really how you want it to be? He wins, you have great sex that night. He loses, the sex isn't so great and your relationship is strained because of it. I understand it can be a motivator, but I think it is unhealthy that your relationship and sex life be affected by the outcome of a MMA match. Just my opinion.

[Guest]

I certainly hopes he beats the xy that is his opponent. That xy certainly doesn't have any class and he needs to pay for his sins. Good luck. Let him help build an edge by not having sex the night before.

Thank you for your support!

So it's not good to have sex the night before? I didn't know that, I figured it would be the opposite. I'm so glad you told me, I wouldn't want to lessen his chances at winning. I guess we'll just have to wait until Friday night then, I'll have to ambush him in the bedroom after we wins his big fight! lol : )

Just curious, why isn't it good for him to have sex the night before the fight?

[jns]

Sexual tension can be refocused and no distractions while he is tightening his focus on his opponent. In a lot of sports it used to be common for the coaches to not allow conjugal visits before game day. Also, what if the sex doesn't live up to his expectations?

[Guest]

Well, his attitude about this match and this sport in general is unlikely to change, so the best you can do is support him in his decision and make sure he knows you still love him no matter what happens.



Forgive me Chloe, but I see an issue with this statement. Are you saying you won't respect him unless he wins this fight? That is going to put a lot of pressure on him, and if he doesn't win, you two will be right back to the same issue because he will think you don't feel the same about him anymore if he loses.



THIS is what he needs to know. You will respect him for working so hard toward something, the effort and dedication he put into this is what you will respect, whether he wins or loses.

Also, I honestly don't think your sex life should be dictated by the outcome of every fight. Is that really how you want it to be? He wins, you have great sex that night. He loses, the sex isn't so great and your relationship is strained because of it. I understand it can be a motivator, but I think it is unhealthy that your relationship and sex life be affected by the outcome of a MMA match. Just my opinion.

No need to ask for forgiveness, lol. Rather I wanna thank you for taking the time to respond and your continued support! : )

I can certainly see your point in your first statement. When I talked to him though I said everything at once so it flowed right into the the respect for a hard working man part, lol. When I was talking about him winning to earn my respect I was still trying to incorporate some of JNS's mentality. I said it like I expected him to win because I just want him to know that I think he's a winner and has the ability to win this fight. I think if he does lose he's going to be crushed just as badly either way because I made it clear I was there for him after his last loss and it didn't really seem to help his mindset at all. I'm confident he knows I'm there for him, I don't think that's why we've been having such a hard time. I think he's just really hard on himself as far as his expectations for himself go. When he lost that last fight in the way he did, in his mind he let me down, even if that isn't the case in mine. Do you kinda understand what I mean? He knows that I'll always support him, but that still doesn't mean he's ok with losing, or losing in front of me. He wants to impress me when he's in the ring and when things don't go his way like last time he gets a little disappointed. I have to admit I'd probably be really turned on if I seen him win in the ring, but so would somebody else girlfriend if she saw her man win something big. I think it's natural for our relationship to have some "highs" during wins and "lows" doing losses. Although I do admit this current situation is a little extreme, but I think their is a reason for that.

I agree about what you're saying with the "fickleness" of our sex life, but honestly it hasn't always been like this. Hes been fighting for some time and he's experienced other losses before without any affect on our sex life. Like I was saying earlier if I see him win it's probably going to translate into amazing sex for a bit since we're both really excited/into it. If he losses maybe he won't be in the mood for a day or so, but then I'd expect to go back to having great sex after that. That's how it was like before I went to any of his fights. Nights were he would win he'd come home and we'd just go crazy in the bedroom. On nights where he lost he wouldn't really feel like having sex for a day or so, but then he always bounce back to his normal self relatively quickly.

I think the reason why this time was so different was because it was kinda of like a "perfect storm" of bad things that happened and it was just too much for him to take. Remember:

1.) He lost his second fight in a row, and neither of them were very close, with his last one ending really badly (The early knockout).
2.) He was knocked out in both fights ( A pretty embarrassing way to go out, it means their was a clear winner... and it wasn't him)
3.) He lost his last fight in front of me and lost badly. He let me see him get absolutely trashed in the ring and he doesn't want me to see him at his lowest.
4.) His last fight was supposed to be a pretty easy fight for him (Comeback Fight), but yet he still go destroyed AND it was in front of me.
5.) The guy he fought had been talking trash and pretty much verified everything he said by stomping my boyfriend in the ring, in front of me.

So I think in the best case scenario (a win) it's a great boost in the bedroom, and for the typical loss the consequences really aren't that bad. A couple nights where he's kinda down (but that's normal right). I mean I think the only way things get really bad like they been is when he gets devastated in the ring either by a really bad loss, a string of losses/bad losses, or both.

You know what I mean?

I've gotta admit though I really hope he can pull out a win, or at least make it a close fight Friday night. If he gets crushed again I just can't imagine how he'll be able to take it. : (

[Guest]

Sexual tension can be refocused and no distractions while he is tightening his focus on his opponent. In a lot of sports it used to be common for the coaches to not allow conjugal visits before game day. Also, what if the sex doesn't live up to his expectations?

You make a great point. I'd never want to distract him from the fight and have him lose because of that. Not to mention I agree their is always the possibility he hasn't got his touch back yet in the bedroom, or maybe I just didn't have it that night. If he leaves me unsatisfied and he knows it it's going to weigh on him mentally big time, not to mention if I can't please him he'll be frustrated which could carry over into the fight.

Good call! : )

Thanks again for the advice!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Words used, sometimes are used as reverse physcology....that was my intent with my words suggested to him, it's evident you respect him

Agree with JNS on the sex thing, send him out there roaring, ...........

Nothing you can do he has made his mind up, stand by win or lose and maybe if lose, then bring the points back up again, but never say I told you so

[Guest]

[wow...I must be a bigger jerk than I had initially assumed since I read that douche-bag's actions like the Good Book!]

at any rate, yeah by medical help i meant counseling. his obsession with MMA doesn't seem to be healthy. if you break it down its no different from other addictions like cocaine, gambling, etc. they all lead to release of dopamine and other "feel good" hormones/neurotransmitters. honestly, i feel like you should also re-examine your views as well. if you absolutely must have a BF who is an MMA champ, go for it. but you should examine the price to pay for this.

even if your BF wins this re-match, or even if he never lost to begin with, who guarantees that he never loses. its not about WHO your BF loses too, because any loss will be perceived by him (and yourself) as some sort of reduction of his manhood.

that, IMHO, is not an ideal set of beliefs to live by. again, perfectly your prerogative but...

only if your BF is the absolute best fighter on earth can he guarantee not losing...and even Muhammad Ali lost fights. does he have the insight to survive such fights and not starting letting it affect other aspects of his life?

these are the questions that need to be asked sooner rather than later.

[Guest]

Just curious, why isn't it good for him to have sex the night before the fight?

not expert or anything, but just my personal theory. short term abstinence might boost his testosterone levels and make him more aggressive. people who are forced into sexual abstinence can "compensate" with rage and violence.

[Guest]

[wow...I must be a bigger jerk than I had initially assumed since I read that douche-bag's actions like the Good Book!]

at any rate, yeah by medical help i meant counseling. his obsession with MMA doesn't seem to be healthy. if you break it down its no different from other addictions like cocaine, gambling, etc. they all lead to release of dopamine and other "feel good" hormones/neurotransmitters. honestly, i feel like you should also re-examine your views as well. if you absolutely must have a BF who is an MMA champ, go for it. but you should examine the price to pay for this.

even if your BF wins this re-match, or even if he never lost to begin with, who guarantees that he never loses. its not about WHO your BF loses too, because any loss will be perceived by him (and yourself) as some sort of reduction of his manhood.

that, IMHO, is not an ideal set of beliefs to live by. again, perfectly your prerogative but...

only if your BF is the absolute best fighter on earth can he guarantee not losing...and even Muhammad Ali lost fights. does he have the insight to survive such fights and not starting letting it affect other aspects of his life?

these are the questions that need to be asked sooner rather than later.

Heyy, Obnoxious!

Thanks for your input thus far, I appreciate the advice/support.

As far as the fights affecting other aspects of his life, it is unfortunate, but honestly it's a very rare occurrence that he's affected to badly like this.

Hes been fighting for some time and he's experienced other losses before without any affect on our sex life. Like I was saying earlier if I see him win it's probably going to translate into amazing sex for a bit since we're both really excited/into it. If he losses maybe he won't be in the mood for a day or so, but then I'd expect to go back to having great sex after that. That's how it was like before I went to any of his fights. Nights were he would win he'd come home and we'd just go crazy in the bedroom. On nights where he lost he wouldn't really feel like having sex for a day or so, but then he always bounce back to his normal self relatively quickly.

I think the reason why this time was so different was because it was kinda of like a "perfect storm" of bad things that happened and it was just too much for him to take. Remember:

1.) He lost his second fight in a row, and neither of them were very close, with his last one ending really badly (The early knockout).
2.) He was knocked out in both fights ( A pretty embarrassing way to go out, it means their was a clear winner... and it wasn't him)
3.) He lost his last fight in front of me and lost badly. He let me see him get absolutely trashed in the ring and he doesn't want me to see him at his lowest.
4.) His last fight was supposed to be a pretty easy fight for him (Comeback Fight), but yet he still go destroyed AND it was in front of me.
5.) The guy he fought had been talking trash and pretty much verified everything he said by stomping my boyfriend in the ring, in front of me.

So I think in the best case scenario (a win) it's a great boost in the bedroom, and for the typical loss the consequences really aren't that bad. A couple nights where he's kinda down (but that's normal right). I mean I think the only way things get really bad like they been is when he gets devastated in the ring either by a really bad loss, a string of losses/bad losses, or both.

I don't think the obsession factor is really there. He's normally doesn't push for quick rematches after every fight he loses. I think this one just hurt really bad because of how he lost and who he lost to. I know you said it probably didn't matter who he lost to, but I really think it does. He was supposed to be able to crush this guy like I said earlier, not to mention they guy was talking trash before the match. So losing to him, especially getting beaten so badly, must have just been awful for him, especially knowing that his opponent was able to back up the trash talk. On top of that he had already come off a pretty bad fight where he also got KO'd, so losing two fights in a row like that undoubtedly made him unhappy, and it's almost logical (even if it's not the best decision) for him to want to get back in the ring again and redeem himself quickly.

As far as my views and how I perceive his losses I'll be honest. Your man doesn't look quite as sexy when he's being absolutely worked over in the ring by another guy and it is really hard to take. However, I think I've been clear with him, that my love for him won't change, no matter how badly he losses. Will I be dripping wet at the sight of him after he loses a fight badly? No, probably not, but their are a lot factors that affect that. The psychological agony of watching someone you love get dismantled and embarrassed in front of a crowd of strangers, his peers, and loved ones is probably one of the larger factors.

I think it's almost natural for most women to see their men as strong and confident, almost, hero type figures. Even if they're not physically strong, the strength of their willpower, or mind are definitely attributes that attract women to their man. Most women will probably never have to witness a situation where they see their man stripped of those qualities/attributes we tend to tack on to them. Unfortunately, that's exactly what happened in the ring that night. The perception I had of my boyfriend as this strong, confident, and dominant alpha male was absolutely shattered. Their was honestly no way that perception could have survived after seeing him crushed so badly in his fight. At first, it was difficult for me to take my boyfriend not being the dominant alpha male like I had always known him to be. After all, I was very attracted to that perception I had of him. In my mind that's who he was and that's why he was able to get me so hot in the bedroom.

However, as I've stated previously I've gained the ability to look past that because I've realized that's not what/who my man is. I was the one that attached those qualities/attributes to him. He's just himself and although I may be attracted to his strength and confidence strongly, those are obviously not the only attributes he has and they're not the only attributes that make our life together, or our sexual experiences in the bedroom, so special. At that point I committed to supporting him with even more vigor than I had before! So although I may get turned on more than usual when he wins and not so much when he loses, at the end of the day I just love him for him.