[sarahlee20]

sadly not even close or feeling him hard enough inside me to bring me to an orgasm...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sarah.......

You can't judge on one performance that occured after a couple of months of being together.

1... He probably knew that night was the night and was nervous.
2...That's probably why he had a few drinks
3...5 inches is normal - 6.5 inches is so not much bigger -
4...Often the seconds of putting on a condom, the concentration, makes a man lose his erection....

He knows foreplay....tick

I have no idea why you discussed his inability to perform on one occasion, the first occasion, because he'll be self conscious now

Just, wait....complain after a few sexual encounters, don't talk to him about ED or size, or going down, just take him and get him up again, show him it doesn't matter, it's not all about sex, it's about learning each other, feeling comfortable and a 5 inch, 3 inch, what ever, when you mix it with feelings, can do a heck of a lot.

CW

[stressed]

I say don't wait... the longer you wait the more you're going to care, the more attached you will become, the harder it will be to leave him because of sex. And, no, it's not shallow to leave because of bad sex. You can't compromise your own pleasure out of kindness, it will get back at you later on.

If this is already a problem... it will always be a problem. Just my thoughts by experience.

On the other hand, you can't tell by the first time. Have sex a few times but don't get too attached anyway. You've spotted an issue, so keep an eye on it and don't ignore it.

[Guest]

Hmmm he has tried to please me other ways as in fingers mouth etc....But it doesn't feel as good as wanting him in me. I mean those ways feel good but i just like to feel him in me while he's kissing and touch me etc...u know...I'd hate to break it off cause of that. I'd feel really shallow....:-(

Don't feel shallow just because you desire good sex. I think anyone in a relationship would aspire to that. It seems like you've experienced this in a past relationship by your posts, and you cared enough to come here and try to get help for the issue. To me that already shows that you're willing to work with him on the issue, so please don't think of yourself as a bad person or anything.

As far as being pleased via oral sex or through the use of fingers I completely agree with you. It feels great, but it just seems to lack that emotional component. Their is honestly nothing like being face to face with your lover, gently kissing and caressing each other, while you can feel him thrusting slowly inside of you, making you shudder.

Also, you mentioned he drank alcohol before sex? That can certainly affect his erection, although it may not be entirely to blame. I agree with CW it sounds like he was really nervous before to be drinking like that, so I'd definitely try things a couple more times before doing anything drastic.

If he really thinks he has ED he should definitely go see a doctor for advice/help on how to correct/manage his problem. However, here is another option for you to consider. How sure are you that he got flaccid from ED? I'm not an expert on ED as I've been fortunate enough to not have a partner afflicted by it, but doesn't ED usually prevent guys from getting hard initially as well as prevent them from staying hard? Like you had mention he doesn't have a problem achieving an erection at all just maintaining one. Did you ever consider that this could be just a case of premature ejaculation? Maybe he's faking some type of ED because was so excited from the foreplay he came way too early (Sounds like virtually seconds/minutes after entering you?) and was just too embarrassed to tell you? Maybe he's had problems with premature ejaculation in the past, and now that he has this hot young girl in his bed he's worried he won't be able to perform up to your standards. Think about it, if you were in his shoes and went soft that quickly when inside of a young, hot women that you love and care for would it be easy for you to admit that she was too much for you in that moment and came early, or would it be easier to blame your poor performance on a problem that you, in some cases, would have no control over? Just a thought, not sure if their was any evidence in the condom as to whether he ejaculated or not or you just took his word for it that he didn't.

I've also talked about the penis size things with some of my girlfriends before and they've had similar problems to what you've been experiencing. They were in shock my 4 inch boyfriend, at the time, could get off so well. The more I was talking to them I was realizing that I think for some woman it's a physiological thing. When a women see's a large penis she's instantly more turned on because she's going into bed with the pre-conceived notion that the sex is going to be amazing because the man is large. The opposite happens when a man is small, the women tends to shy away or become more reserved about her sexual feelings because she's afraid she'll be disappointed / let down because her lover will be inadequate. I think this can be especially true in cases like yours when going from a fairly large penis (6-7 inches) to a relatively small one (4 inches). No doubt about it the first though in your mind the night he took off his pants was "Oh my god, how am I going to deal with this? What if the sex is bad and I don't orgasm? Will I have fake it every time I'm with this guy? ect " Also, it's probably you even more because you mention you had another small partner in the past and from what it sounds like he wasn't able to please you either. So now on top of everything else you're thinking "Oh no, this is going to be just like the last time. The sex is going to be awful / awkward and eventually we're just going to end up stop having sex and I'll be in another sexless relationship like before"

It's also affecting him because now he knows by your reaction you've been with men larger than him and have had (so far) better sex. It's also possible he was a little insecure about his small package in the first place which could make things worse. Did he ever give you one of those fore warnings some guys give about their size? That's a dead ringer that he's a little insecure over what he has down there.

I can also understand why you brought up the problems on the first night. It doesn't seem like you really had an alternative. It's hard to fake like their isn't anything wrong when he gets flaccid to the point the condom is virtually falling off moments after he first enters you. Their isn't really any time to even try to fake anything.

Either way you really need to have more sex with him if you want to ensure their is a problem, and if their is then you need to identify it and discuss it with him. If he does end up having ED he'll probably need to see a doctor.

Good Luck, I wish you the best! Feeling unfulfilled in the bedroom can be the worst at times, stay strong and stay by your man until you've exhausted every possible option.

[sarahlee20]

Thank you all for your thoughts and advices on the issues. Especially you Chole P. This is very fusterating to us. Ps we tried doing it tonight ( without any beer or distractions or anything) and I do believe in deed it is a medical problem. Cause during foreplay he got hard and once we got the bc and condom on all was set..I got on top and was thrusting and it felt good I could actually feel him and i think he might have even gotton to an 5". It's not the size that bugs me the most. I mean it might have been at first but now it's more of when he "does" get hard and we get into eachother we go to actually have sex and he loses his erection so easily. The most fusterating thing about this to us is that i only get a few thrusts then he lost his erection (while inside me) That is what has me thinking it's ED. Eventhough we've only been together a short amount of time I feel a connection to him and he feels the same about me.....So he plans to see a doc thursday so we'll see how things go...