[Ahmed M]

He sounds like a good guy, I think it would be silly to leave him just because he isn't sexually aggressive/dominant. I can totally empathise with him; I hate that 'rough' stuff too. I hate the idea of sexually dominating someone (hair pulling, etc) because it seems quite similar to rape or something. The thought of sexually dominating a woman just makes me pretty uncomfortable. I definitely wouldn't be able to have rough sex with someone who was sexually abused, that would be a real mind-. If my girlfriend had been a victim of sexual abuse, I think I would be hesitant about sex too. At least he's not a selfish, sex-crazed dog who pesters you for sex 24/7.

He just sounds like he has a very anxious and apprehensive nature. I reckon being a considerate and amiable man is more important than being libidinous and dominant. If his reluctance when it comes to sex is his worst attribute, you should count your blessings.

[Ahmed M]

Sorry...that was supposed to read "that would be a real mind-f**k".

[waya]

He sounds like a good guy, I think it would be silly to leave him just because he isn't sexually aggressive/dominant. I can totally empathise with him; I hate that 'rough' stuff too. I hate the idea of sexually dominating someone (hair pulling, etc) because it seems quite similar to rape or something. The thought of sexually dominating a woman just makes me pretty uncomfortable. I definitely wouldn't be able to have rough sex with someone who was sexually abused, that would be a real mind-. If my girlfriend had been a victim of sexual abuse, I think I would be hesitant about sex too. At least he's not a selfish, sex-crazed dog who pesters you for sex 24/7.

He just sounds like he has a very anxious and apprehensive nature. I reckon being a considerate and amiable man is more important than being libidinous and dominant. If his reluctance when it comes to sex is his worst attribute, you should count your blessings.

What if you were with a woman you really loved but she was very aggressive during sex (or did something else you really don't like?) Don't you think it would be difficult to have a lasting relationship with her? That is what the poster is going through, loving someone she's sexually incompatible with.

[stressed]

We're in the process of getting an apartment together and we've discussed marriage and children and the works.

This is worrisome. The more time goes by the harder you'll find it to leave and the more frustrated you'll be becoming. Eventually you'll be pondering about cheating, will look for attention from other men, you'll become resentful and if you break up after the apartment and the marriage you'll be the one taking all the blame (because you'll have got into all this knowing that he is the way he is, so "you" will be the one having tricked him then).

Be careful, it's your life.

[BlissfulEnigma]

Well we're not planning on getting an apartment for about 2-3 months, and maybe not even then depending on if we can afford it, so I think I have some time to work on this. I guess I'll just have to be upfront with him and let him know that we need to come to some sort of compromise otherwise I'm just not sure if this will work out in the future.

That makes me so sad. :/

[stressed]

Don't be sad. If things go the way they seem to be going... you'll be even more sad later on.

I've always kind of got annoyed when people suggested "leave him" in posts, but now that I'm actually out of it I feel much better and hence I also suggest it when I see where it's going.

You'll feel better alone, than being with someone who doesn't satisfy you sexually. Because when you live with someone in such a situation you feel neglected/dissatisfied every day. You wonder "why" every day, you stay up all night wondering why your guy is snoring now when you haven't had good sex in a very long time. And this drags you down day after day. When you're alone you don't get hurt every day, because you don't have someone "reminding" you how dissatisfied you are.

Maybe he has so many other qualities that make you love him. But I still believe that no matter how many they are, if you're not sexually satisfied this will only spread in your relationship over time. There are couples that have made it through this, but I had a quite bad experience on the subject so I can't be optimistic about it. Maybe counseling would help, but he'd have to admit to having a problem first and by what he's told you it's most likely he thinks that "you" have a problem.

[WildChild]

I've always kind of got annoyed when people suggested "leave him" in posts, but now that I'm actually out of it I feel much better and hence I also suggest it when I see where it's going.

I think many of wondered why such a good woman was putting up with all that you did. I've done it too. Guess we can at least say we gave it every opportunity but perhaps it would have been easier on us if we had gotten out sooner.

[Ahmed M]

What if you were with a woman you really loved but she was very aggressive during sex (or did something else you really don't like?) Don't you think it would be difficult to have a lasting relationship with her? That is what the poster is going through, loving someone she's sexually incompatible with.

I guess if she was an exceptional woman who I loved, I would try to persevere with the relationship and try to overcome the problem. I suppose I'd say to myself "I'm not gonna throw the baby out with the bath water, lets try to salvage this relationship". I'm sure it must be a depressing situation, but it would be a real shame to leave a considerate and affable man over this particular quandary.

[waya]

I guess if she was an exceptional woman who I loved, I would try to persevere with the relationship and try to overcome the problem. I suppose I'd say to myself "I'm not gonna throw the baby out with the bath water, lets try to salvage this relationship". I'm sure it must be a depressing situation, but it would be a real shame to leave a considerate and affable man over this particular quandary.

Ok, now what if you just really cared about her?

[Hopeless Dork]

I have tried to. I've sat down with him and told him that I needed a little bit more spontaneity, passion, and dominance out of him.

This might be part of the problem... you have told him concepts of what you want: passion/spontaneity, dominance.. but what do you specifically mean by each of those things? Thats what you need to tell him. It sounds like he's trying to please you but doesn't know how. You said you wanted spontanaeity so he started climbing on you during movies... thats probably his idea of spontanaeity and there is nothing wrong with that...

But you need to give him specific examples...like the ones you gave here... bending you over when you are making dinner, pulling your hair, etc... things you fantasize about ... tell him, in detail. So that maybe he can try a thing or two here and there as he gets more of an idea of what you want from him.

Saying... i want you to be passionate... isn't going to help him please you if he doesn't know exactly what passionate would mean to you, etc. " I want you to inniciate more in public" vs.. "I would love it if you put your hand between my legs at a movie or in a restaurant". One is vague, one is pretty clear with examples included.

I think if you try talking to him about specific thigns that please you he will have an easier time giving you what you want. If you are not having orgasms during sex... are you waiting for him to give you one? Or are you going for yours? By that I mean,... touching yourself during penetration, showing him where and how you want to be touched, licked... etc... telling him to 'keep it right there' when he's in a good spot etc...

Women are complicated creatures when it comes to our pleasure, so we really have to take responsibility for it by giving clear directions the man in our life how to take us to destination o. When a man loves you, cares about you, he WANTS you to feel good and would love to learn how to do that, for you, specifically... so communicate