[stressed]

Women are complicated creatures when it comes to our pleasure, so we really have to take responsibility for it by giving clear directions the man in our life how to take us to destination o. When a man loves you, cares about you, he WANTS you to feel good and would love to learn how to do that, for you, specifically... so communicate

It's worth trying HD's approach, to give examples, talk, even ask him to read. It's worth the try. Maybe he wants this too but doesn't know how to do it, or is afraid you want it because you were abused (this is something I'm worried about a lot, as, not only is he not passionate by default, but he connects your passion to having been abused).

Ok, now what if you just really cared about her?

Exactly. Some men may love a lot but don't show it physically or don't consider the physical aspect of the relationship as important. Others are unable to show it even if they want to. Others don't know how.

I guess if she was an exceptional woman who I loved, I would try to persevere with the relationship and try to overcome the problem. I suppose I'd say to myself "I'm not gonna throw the baby out with the bath water, lets try to salvage this relationship". I'm sure it must be a depressing situation, but it would be a real shame to leave a considerate and affable man over this particular quandary.

I guess this is a case of "if you haven't been there, you don't know how difficult it is". As not only you're in a relationship where you're sexually dissatisfied, but you also end up wondering if it's your fault, if something is wrong with you and so on. Like the OP, she even wonders if she wants this kind of sex because she was abused, where to me it seems she's dealt with her past, knows what she wants, and now her partner makes her feel guilty for wanting what she wants because he can't/won't give this to her.

Instead of focusing on the "why" her boyfriend has to have an open discussion about his views and how far he's willing to go sexually. I also don't believe that passion is something that can be learnt. If a man/woman is not of passionate nature and is together with someone who is, such problems come up.

I think many of wondered why such a good woman was putting up with all that you did. I've done it too. Guess we can at least say we gave it every opportunity but perhaps it would have been easier on us if we had gotten out sooner.

It would save us time and it would be easier to get out for sure. The advantage is that we've probably learned a lot more by making an effort to keep it together than having given up and have no guilt. But one should definitely set a deadline at some point and not let it go on and on for years. I probably should have done it a year ago, but I'm glad I'm out and feel very lucky it didn't become even more serious.

[oxy-moron]

Try getting a movie or story that demonstrates what you want- then try play acting. He will get a feel for what you like.
The other option is to try a herb called MACA. It will make him more aggressive. Dont blame me if you dont like the aggressive version of him.

[BlissfulEnigma]

Well this weekend we've had some good progress. I haven't actually talked to him about it again but he offered to try something that I'd mentioned wanting to do before. It doesn't really go along with the whole him-being-dominant thing, but it's still a good sign that he's willing to spice things up a bit. I'd mentioned that I wanted a strap-on and this weekend he surprised me with buying one. I've found that I really enjoy it and that after using it our sex is much more passionate and that he's much more eager to please me. Instead of having sex that lasts about 15 minutes, we had 2-3 hour sessions of us going back and forth pleasing each other.

I do enjoy being dominant, but I'd still like him to do it a bit more. I think, though, that after this it will be much easier for us to suggest new things to each other. It really opened the door to many new sexual experiences. I'm hoping that we can still get through this. I don't JUST really care about him, I love him with all my heart and really do honestly want to be with him.

If you have any more suggestions for how I can approach these things with him one at a time, I'd appreciate it.

[stressed]

Keep track of how long this lasts for and see how next weekend goes and the weekend after.

Hopefully he got the message.

[rubylou]

i know the feeling! just met a fab guy adorable and gorgeous in every way but sex is not a priority. for me it's an important part of realtionship but i accept its not the be and end all. feel the need to broach the subject but not the thing you except a woman to be saying. i like you feel very lucky to have met a lovely sensusal caring man but will that be enough...tough one...not sure i know the answer. have had lustful realtionships in past and they only have a limited shelf life!

[BlissfulEnigma]

Well, I'm having issues with it again. It may just be that I'm stressed and am having a hard time getting into it myself, but yeah. I don't want to bring it up just yet because we also have had our first fight this week and things are a little tense.