[liminal]

I am really worried that on Internet dating sites that if I indicate that I am looking for "casual" and long term relationships then I will be viewed with suspicion but this makes sense. thanks.

Does anyone else agree with hopeless dork?

No... not all dating is for long term relationships... in fact I'd say half of the dating that goes on is for pure entertainment... someone to enjoy an evening with. When you ask someone on a date you are not pledging your undying love for them... you are asking them for a good time, if things heat up, good for both of you.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'd say putting it out there that you are looking for casual sex only will probably only result in a lot of spam advertisements for porn sites... as is typical on those 'casual encounters' sites. Putting it out there that you are looking for some fun dating, hanging out, nothing serious... if theres chemistry...maybe more -- would make you sound less like you are on a sexual hunt.

If you are open to just hanging out with a woman, no strings attached... like a movie, etc.. sex would be more likely to occur out of just the natural flow of things than to just set out : me want sex, that is all kthxbai. Most women don't want to be a hole in a mattress as a favor to some guy posting for such on an internet site... you'd have to be able to offer some sort of MAGICAL sexual experience or be a cool/fun guy to hang around with... etc..

hi im bob, come to my house so i can come plz... will probably, again.. not yeild much results... but... hi im bob, i love horror flicks and sushi... and I don't look like a hobbit, honest (something funny or clever will get more attention than flat stats) ... looking for some company, night out? night in? -- etc... will in no way guarentee a genuine response but will probably up your odds considerably.

You have mentioned you want sex, and thats normal and thats great... but unless its a "pro" its going to take more than just what YOU want... know what I mean? You have to be able to offer good company, good sex and a fun night for it to be a date with good chances of sex.

Most of my friends have had or still have one night stands, have had sex on a first or second date -- but only when the chemistry is right and they are into the guy, even if only for the moment... I have not known one female that just had sex with some random stranger for no other reason than he asked for it. Women take a little heating up , and 'i would like to have sex with you' probably only works for rock stars as a successful opener.

[liminal]

Actually I did not mean casual sex relationship. I meant a relationship that was "non serious" or non committed.

I still think you make sense.

[liminal]

The only thing is that even if it's a good fun night how do I know if it's just sex that's she's looking for and not taking my move to mean anything more than that?

You have mentioned you want sex, and thats normal and thats great... but unless its a "pro" its going to take more than just what YOU want... know what I mean? You have to be able to offer good company, good sex and a fun night for it to be a date with good chances of sex.

[liminal]

The only thing I don't like about your posts is that they make me feel like people aren't able to be able to understand who I am and what I am all about and appreciate me for that.

Your whole a woman does not want to be a hole in a mattress thing makes me feel like maybe I am being put down.. Well Obviously.

People wander why im so "shy" well maybe always being misunderstood is part of that?

I just want to be understood so thats why I ask these questions. I'm bot asking I'd it's okay to treat a woman like a mattress.

[Hopeless Dork]

I am not putting you down... the hole in the mattress statment was to illustrate how you have listed that you want sex, no strings... and are seeking ways to get that and I am trying to say there is not a whole lot of women that will sign up for that... simply because you say 'hey i want to have sex with you'... you have to put more effort than that... you have to bring something to the table that they want... even if they also want to have sex with you...

I'm trying to give you honest advice that if what you want is sex, no strings... then 'dating' with no strings, dating for fun... is about the only way you are probably going to be successful with what you are looking for. Even when a woman doesn't want a relationship... usually for them to be interested in sex, they have to be into you on some level, either thinking you are cute, funny, sweet... etc... and dating, even just one night... can evoke a chemical reaction of attraction that leads to sex if you guys 'click'... but that 'click' won't happen by just saying hi, i want to have sex with you...

you are asking if there is a way to ask for sex from a woman with no strings (without any sort of build up like a date provides) that won't objectify her... and i'm saying the objectification is pretty much a moot point... that going about it in that way probably will not end in sex .. your mileage may very of course... I am not the be all end all voice in women and I'm sure many will chime in as they wake up... I'm just saying I do not know of a way that you can ask for sex from someone you don't know without dating them, hanging out with them at a party (much like a date, semantics really) or hitting the jackpot on a casual encounter site.

[Hopeless Dork]

If there was any other way around the 'dating' or the 'flirting' or the 'getting to know you' (however brief that may be depending on the chemistry of the parties involved) ... prostitution would fail to exsist. A lot of men to turn to prostitutes because they don't want to date a woman, take her to a movie, they don't want to flirt or charm a woman... they don't want to try to make her interested -- they just want the sex. If there were a way for them to wander around asking (and then actually getting) sex without any minimal effort to create an interest from the woman... to do something to make her excited ... why would they pay for it?

It sounds like you are not wanting a prostitute, it sounds like you are wanting a woman that is genuinly interested in having sex with you... and for that it will require a bit of effort on your part in gaining her interest... and dating... or taking time to talk and flirt and get to know a woman a bit, creating a build up, seeing if there is chemistry and going from there is about the best way to go about it.

[liminal]

I get what you are saying. I dint mean that I am looking for just a booty call I mean a relationship that is fun and that involve sex but it also involves more than sex such as common interests in and conversation. You know just not necessarily more intense feeling unless those come along later.

Which is why I wander how if you really dig a girl in some ways but you haven't gone head over heels but you still want some intimacy- how that can happen.

I get that I have to woo her and make her want me like that. I just dont know how to do that when you have more than one goal in mind with women.

Every guy needs to fall in love sooner or later but if you can be ok with less what's wrong with that?

Something might be less than everything but it's still more than nothing, right?

According to what you wrote women also have a need to have sex. They are not interested in sex that is just physical but neither am I. So if I understood you at all I guess it should not be problematic finding what I am looking for.

Do I understand you?

Anyhow you "read between the lines that I was interested in sex only but that is not true.

[liminal]

I get what you are saying. I dint mean that I am looking for just a booty call I mean a relationship that is fun and that involve sex but it also involves more than sex such as common interests in and conversation. You know just not necessarily more intense feeling unless those come along later.

Which is why I wander how if you really dig a girl in some ways but you haven't gone head over heels but you still want some intimacy- how that can happen.

I get that I have to woo her and make her want me like that. I just didn't know how to do that when you have more than one goal in mind with women.

Every guy needs to fall in love sooner or later but if you can be ok with less what's wrong with that?

Something might be less than everything but it's still more than nothing, right?

According to what you wrote women also have a need to have sex. They are not interested in sex that is just physical but neither am I. So if I understood you at all I guess it should not be problematic finding what I am looking for.

Do I understand you?

Anyhow you "read between the lines that I was interested in sex only but that is not true.

[caster]

About half the women I've been with were one night or short term stands and I do not have good memories of them. Had fun at the time but sex with stangers was never my thing.
Had two very good friends with benefits in my early twentys, I highly recommend those. I have very fond memories of them and still keep in touch with one, but only as a friend now.
Personally, I prefer the old fashioned relationship involvement where you make a connection.